Hopeless about my eating disorder

I’ve been to two psychiatrists with my problem, and it’s hopeless. All they can do is put labels and say things like: “Of course you can do it, where’s your power of will?” I wish I knew! I developed anorexia at 25 when the look of my body made me want to vomit. I wanted to avoid sugary stuff and eat healthy food, and it all started with innocent apps counting calories. At some point I sat on a low-carb diet, but that wasn’t enough. Slowly I got rid of all the foods I loved to eat. My weight went down to my desired number, but then I lost 7 more kilos, and I realized that I didn’t enjoy eating at all. My 27th birthday was the worst day in my life, when I couldn’t even eat my cake or drink with friends. I knew I had to stop my food experiments when I fainted on the subway. I always eat when I’m at my parents’ because I can’t stand their worried looks and exclamations. Sometimes I wish I lived with them and didn’t have to stifle the voice in my head that’s always telling me if I eat more, I’ll be fat again. I don’t even go out with friends as I used to, because it always involves eating, and it makes me super anxious. I don’t want them to know I have an eating disorder. They all praised me when I lost weight, no one even imagines how much I sacrificed for it!

I want to go back to normal, and I’m worried about my body! Please, help