I suffered from anorexia at 18. Well, it was not so long ago, but I don’t dare to think about it. It resulted in so many doctor appointments (endocrinologist, gynecologist, therapist!) All because I wanted to be like top Instagram models, and ate nothing but cereals, eggs and water for days. I’m with you, and all I can advise you is to relearn loving food again. Take baby steps: start with your favourite chocolate, allow yourself one piece a day. Then add some tasty little things like nuts, bananas – anything you've been avoiding because “calories”. You need to force your brain into believing that these foods nurture you and do you good. It’s not easy, but it’s not hopeless either.
I understand what you’re going through. I gained almost 10 kilos on antidepressants, and it was nothing but depressing! I would have spiraled into a deeper depression because of it, if only my brain wasn’t stimulated by antideps. It’s funny how I don’t want to it when I’m depressed, but I crave sugar when things get better. Why can’t it be the other way round?? At least I’m not obsessing over my appearance any longer... Don’t give up, your care-free life is worth fighting for! Recovery is a process, and you’re reaching for help, so it will get better.
Sorry you’re going through this. I know eating disorders are a dangerous thing to deal with. Please, take care of your body. It’s beautiful just the way it is, and it will be happy if you accept it, because you’re so much more than your looks! If you’re still using this app that counts calories, can you use it for your own benefit? It’ll help you track that you’re eating enough. Try to eat at least 3 meals a day, even if it’s something small.
I tortured myself with diets for years, and checked my weight daily like a maniac. I felt ashamed of it too, because men are supposed not to care about such things. Whenever I gained a couple extra kilos, I’d force myself to go to the gym which I hated, just not my thing… It’s a one-way ticket to despair. From my own experience, I recommend you not to focus so much on food: eat what you can. You need to work with your food anxiety first. Counselling would be extremely helpful, but otherwise you need to confide in someone. My partner was my lifeline. She saw my struggles, my overexercising, and literally led me by the hand to a therapist. It took me about three months to change my perspective on my life, my goals, and simply what I want. I realized I don’t need a perfect body, my goal can be smaller and much more rewarding. It is such a nice feeling to eat pizza again and feel no guilt about it! I wish you to find your way back to normal life, Irene!
It’s great that you achieved your weight goals and even more than that, now it’s time to set new goals – to be healthy and let go of perfectionism. Please have no doubt that your eating disorder can be cured. Don’t get disheartened by two specialists, it’s not easy to find a knowledgeable doctor. If by any chance you’re from the US, I might give you some recommendations? Your vicious cycle is a mental state. So you’re right to seek professional help. They will help you to shift your body perception, and from there you can start adding more healthy products to your daily menu. You don’t really need sugary stuff, no one needs it. What your body and brain need is good nutrition rich in proteins, fats and minerals. But it’s very hard to reach these goals when your brain forgot how to enjoy food. You need to remind it that delicious snacks help produce serotonin in your guts, and the brain loves it! Please, visit a specialist, even it’s a third time.
I’ve never had an eating disorder, but I sympathize with you. You know it's your brain telling you that eating will make you fat but it’s a lie. And your friends will love you when you’re happy, they don’t really care about your kilos. So you absolutely can and should return your favourite foods into your daily ration. I wonder if you cook? Searching for some new recipes and cooking new tasty things might rekindle your interest to food, and if you can make it with some of your friends or family, all the better!
Are you me from fifteen years ago? I used to skip breakfast and dinner, and my supper was chaotic and unhealthy. I was never really picky about food, I simply couldn’t eat properly. My current skin problems and pancreatitis are all the results of those crazy times. I think it would be great if you could move in with your parents, just for a while, to be around people who support you.
@TheWonder Hey, I’m in Canada. I know I need to try and get another appointment. It’s just so frustrating that the so-called professionals have no idea how to work with eating disorders. I hoped he’ll prescribe me something, maybe SSRIs or something for my anxiety, but all I got was a diagnosis and feeling embarrassed that I came with such an issue. It felt like if I wasn’t dying yet, I could go suffer some more.
@Amruta Thank you! I’m not a very good cook, living alone made me lazy, and of the things I still can eat nothing requires cooking. But I remember days when my mother taught me to make an apple pie. It was fun! I wish we could do it again some time.
@Breanne No, I’m not you :) I don’t want to skip meals, it simply doesn’t comfort me. I can hardly eat one proper meal a day… Oh, I wasn’t serious about living with parents again. I’m willing to make efforts to revert all the harm I’ve done to myself, but I’m not ready to change my lifestyle so drastically.
The road to recovery from an eating disorder starts with admitting you have a problem. Yes you have already admitted and you want to work on it so your recovery process has already started. You are tuning your mind with that fact. The good news is that behaviours you have learned can also be unlearned. Just as anyone can develop eating disorder so to anyone can get better. However overcoming an eating disorder is about more than giving up unhealthy eating behaviours. It is also about learning new ways to cope with emotional pain and rediscover who you are which is beyond your eating habits, weight and body image.
eating disorders are generally ego-syntonic or to say consistent with one's sense of self.when you want to break free of ED it can feel like you are giving up part of your identity may be one you have held on for a long time. Rediscover your sense of self is prime most important task for self recovery so now answer these questions:
Try these tips or techniques to help you :
only if you know and become aware of who you were then you will slowly get determined to work towards it. Ongoing change is achieved by building a life that has meaning to you as an individual.be open and willing to try anything. stick with what works and be kind to yourself. it will take time but it will happen.