I think there’s an option to consult with a financial advisor. In theory, they may help you create a realistic plan for your retirement and future care needs. Perhaps if you have a plan, your fears won’t rule over you.
I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling this way. We work to live, not vice versa. Is your work so stressful that it leaves you no time and energy for experiencing joy or meeting friends? Family is not the only source of comfort, social interactions and close friendships may provide much of the same. I know several cases when elderly people started living together (as friends and companions) to split the costs and take care of each other. In that sense, “investing” in people right now might be more useful than toiling at work that brings you so many worries. Do you have anyone whom you can call a close friend?
Being asexual, I’ve been thinkning a lot about my own future. And I came to the conclusion that there’s no point in living care-free later in life when you can’t afford having a break right now. I decided that I’ll do what I can but I won’t think about my future now. I don’t want to ruin my present because of my future.
It’s nice to think that having children would ensure my happy future, but it’s not right to count on children. Even if you do have them, it doesn’t mean they’ll be able to help you when you need them. :( Some families split, with younger generations moving to another country and settling there… It’s wise that you’re preparing for retirement but please don’t do it at the cost of your personal mental health and happiness. We live only once, and each period of your life is important. :)
Hi, your post reminds me of the recent news that John Tinniswood aged 111 is now the oldest man in the world. I’ve seen his picture in the newspaper, and he doesn’t look a day older than 70, and pretty happy too, smiling and holding a glass of juice. He lives in a care home, I guess he was lucky to save up some money before his wife died.
If you’re in your 40s or 50s, heck, even if you’re 60, you can start over at any age. So in case you don’t have a partner, perhaps start moving in that direction? If you want it, of course, many people who have lived alone for a long time don’t want to change anything and are not ready to move in with anyone else. But if you do want it, then it makes sense to consciously spend some time and energy on reaching out and finding other people who share your interests and who’re looking for company.
There’s a lot of talk now that the growth of population and people aging requires better programs for elderly people. Perhaps nursing will be less expensive in a decade or so (I’m not overly optimistic with the current economy, but one has to hope for a better future).
There are people with families who end up alone anyway 🤷 My father-in-law has two sons, but he chose to invest in long-term care insurance. Maybe look into that.
Please look into all the options available and try to conquer your fears in order to change something.
Have you got any hobbies or occupations alongside your job?
Not all people have family or partners, and not all people feel lonely or hopeless because of that. You can make your own social circles with people you like. Taking into account that you dislike your job, I suppose colleagues are out of the question, but what about the people with similar hobbies?
@Amanda I thought I had close friends but they all just left me. I’ve brought up being roommates and at that point they just stopped talking to me. I think they’re too afraid of hurting my feelings to say no, so they just ghost me. I’ve lost 3 friends this way so I stopped asking.
I would love to have a friend group, but it feels like such a one-sided relationship. People like to spend time with me when I host the activities but they aren’t willing to put in their own effort or be there when I need them. I want new friends but my heart is just so betrayed it’s gotten to a numb state and I just can’t get it to care about them anymore. It’s frustrating. I want my heart to work, but it won’t.
What is this kind of work that makes you so distressed but does not pay enough money to save for elderly care? :( I’d say leave it for something better right away!
@rampant_chaos I know how it feels when friends regard you only as company for partying and having a good time, but are nowhere to be found when you’re in need. Those are not true friends.
When this happened to me, I knew I had to reflect more on my expectations in friendships – what I want from the people I spend time with. The simple trick for me was to focus on quality, not quantity. You need to prioritize building deep, meaningful connections with individuals who share your values and who care about you and how you feel. A few quality friends often bring more fulfillment than a large friend group.
I know it’s hard to search for new friends, but please don’t give up hope that true friendship exists. Those people were just not yours. Perhaps you can start searching with the idea of becoming roommates in mind, and start your friendship with this intention? You can first become roommates and later friends.
@rampant_chaos Sorry for intruding, just wanted to say: consider seeking therapy to process your feelings of betrayal and numbness, as well as to process past hurts and find the desire for future relationships. Your heart is very functional, you simply lost trust and are scared to try.
Hello,
It's understandable that you feel a sense of hopelessness and uncertainty about your future. Aging can bring with it a lot of worries and fears about retirement, health, and financial security. It can be difficult to see the joy in life when you feel like you're working so hard for a future that seems different from what you want it to be.
But even though thoughts of hopelessness about the future and lack of positive aspects may feel very true, they don't always reflect reality accurately. It's important to keep in mind that your future is not set in stone. Besides imagining the negative scenario, I encourage you to try imagining a positive one, where your future unfolds the way you want. Since it's imagination, there are no limits. Take about 7-10 minutes for this practice. Close your eyes and start visualizing. Imagine that you're waking up on an ideal day somewhere 3 or 5 years from now or anywhere into the future. Answer these questions:
- Where do you wake up? What surrounds you? What view do you have out of the window? Is it nature or a cityscape? Are you in a big city, a small town, or the countryside?
- Who is around you? Do you have any pets?
- What does your morning routine look like? What do you eat for breakfast?
- What do you do during the day? Are you still working or retired?
- If you have a job, do you have to go somewhere or work from home? What time do you leave, and how do you get there? What work are you doing exactly? Does it involve communicating, creating, or learning? How much freedom and flexibility do you have in your schedule?
- If you don't work, how do you spend your day? Do you spend it at home or in some other place? Mostly inside or outside? Alone or with other people? Do you volunteer somewhere?
- What do you do in order to relax and have fun? What time do you go to bed?
- What do your weekends look like?
- Do you like to go on trips, or do you mostly spend time where you are?
This visualization practice can create space for curiosity and help you understand what's important to you. Write down any insights that you had during the practice about things that bring you joy and your values. According to this, you may start thinking about small steps you can make to bring more joy into your life. For example, if in your ideal future you see yourself spending a lot of time communicating with others, think about what you can do to meet new people – perhaps take some classes or go to interesting events where you can meet more people. If you saw yourself doing specific fun activities, you might have an ability to start doing some of them now - something simple like drawing, dancing, going for walks etc. If you see yourself doing a different job, search for positions that are more interesting to you – perhaps there are places you don't know about that would be happy to hire you, given your skillset and experience. Or maybe you could even take a new course to gain more knowledge and skills – it is never too late to learn. See if your government provides any programs or services that could help with studies, finding another job right now, or other needs (including financial support, daily care, etc.) as you get closer to retirement. This may help you feel more secure about the future. Really take your time to research and explore different possibilities.
Remember that you don't have to deal with all of it on your own. Seek professional help, if you feel the need to – for example, a therapist or a counselor specializing in aging concerns and retirement transitions. Your local community center, place of worship, or senior services organization may also offer support groups or resources.
You have disconnected yourself from the world because of social experiences you have had.
First you need to go to a therapist to process the emotions which you felt after your friends left you. you can even journal about it which can help you in sharing with the therapist. you need to write down what all you felt at that time and what do you still feel now in detail. Your heart wont work till you don't pen down your emotions in detail or share it with therapist. once you accept these emotions instead of numbing then you are ready to heal from your wounds and move towards future with strength.
Reflecting on situation also would help you. Think about the situation with friends from third person point of view. consider all the information including your own and then assess the situation. now see what went wrong, what is a learning for you from this. Looking at the situation from third person perspective will help you in accept it and heal.
Volunteering would help you great deal in reconnecting with world and finding joy by helping others. It is also gives you opportunity to connect with new people. volunteering will also boost your self esteem.
You can also start practising gratitude journal where you just write down 3 things which gave you joy today or went well. write it at the end of the day. doing this for some span of time will help you start seeing things in positivity.
Get a pet. They can't replace people but having a pet gives a sense of fulfillment as they are loyal companions.