i am kinda stuck in a situation and it affects my life.
it's been around 8 years i have deep feelings for a person and i never ever been in love in any other person.
the thing is i don't know them personally, i think we should call that limerence then, because i think i kinda fell in love with a made up image of them from the few i saw publicely but i don't know them personally, so yes that's stupid not sane, i feel dumb, i despise and i'm disgusted in the fact i feel things for them but i can't control it, because for me it's not logical to be this attached to an "idea".
to explain i was in depression because of harassment and i started to notice this person as an escape because they were always around in my bad times and seeing them from far always soothen me.
now the issue is that when i hear from others they might be dating, or not even proofs of it but just the thought, i fall into pieces. i don't get angry or attack their partner, no i hide and cry for days, losing pounds from not eating, i hurt deeply, having a hard time to just go on from such a stupid thing, i'm ashamed it's no one's fault but mine. and you know i'm even sure that i could never recover if i hear they marry. and i would do anything to stop feeling like that towards them.
i know it's impossible to be with them i don't expect anything, first they are not accessible and i actually don't wanna really be with them since i know i'm not made to date, we wouldn't match, to explain i'm aromantic and asexual that's why i'm surprised to have these feelings, so also there is no need to tell me to try to date someone else to forget them because i'm not interested into that. i even try to see more of their flaws, behavior that i find weird and often try to distance, but i can't never escape because they are kinda always around places i have to go due to my activities. sometimes i even hope they do something so problematic i can forget them, but if so it means i'll have to abandon the place i poured a lot into, because they are a big leader in this thing. i might not give too much precisions on this i already feel ashamed, but if you faced this how did you do? no one knows around me
