I recently brought a book titled “A New Earth - Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose” by Eckhart Tolle and it opened my eyes to a new perspective on “ego”. In chapters one and two, it talks about the usage of self-identifying pronouns such as “I”, “me” and “mine” that I found fascinating and is slowly reframing my perception. It talks about how the ego survives off “having” — the concept of “ownership”, and when we use self-identifying pronouns claiming people, places and things, it’s essentially the ego seeing these things as an extension of ourselves.

An example the book describes: “This is identification with objects, which means investing things, but ultimately thoughts that represent things, with a sense of self, thereby deriving an identity from them.

When "my" toy breaks or is taken away, intense suffering arises. Not because of any intrinsic value that the toy has […] but because of the thought of “mine.” The toy became part of the child's developing sense of self, of “I.” Other interesting things I highlighted that I found to be thought-provoking:

• “We cannot really honour things if we use them as a means to self-enhancement.”

• “Investigate your relationship with the world of things through self-observation, and things that are designated with the word ‘my’. Do certain things induce a subtle feeling of importance or superiority?”

• “The ego tends to equate having with Being: I have, therefore I am. And the more I have, the more I am. The ego lives through comparison. How you are seen by others turns into how you see yourself.”

• “How do you let go of attachment to things? […] Attachment to things drops away by itself when you no longer seek to find yourself in them.”

• “The concept of ownership-is a fiction created by the ego to give itself solidity and permanency and make itself stand out.”

• “No ego can last for long without the need for more. Therefore, wanting keeps the ego alive much more than having.”

While I’m still reading through the book, these bullet points are particularly interesting to me because it also goes to talk about there’s ego in spirituality as well. It’s helped unmask unconscious things I’ve been saying or do while also allowing me to create and practice letting go other things. Like many others, I perceived ego as pride and selfishness but it’s so much more. While the ego may be unconscious, this has inspired me to become more aware in ways I might’ve not been previously.

i am 26yo, and ive been going through depression for almost 1 year, im blaming myself for anything bad is happening in my life, i couldnt achieve my goals yet and regret many things i did and didnt do, and i hate myself for this, i am mentally consumed, i cutt off my friends everyone and just isolated my self from the world, i want to do alot of things in my life but my inner self just keep telling me that its too late and i cant do this or anything! Instead i just stay at my room everyday not sleeping well or eating well not motivated to do anything, and tired, i been having delusions, and get panic attacks and anxiaty, whenever i think about my future i lost hope and meaning/purpose of life, i didnt seek help from anyone, i used to live alone, but when i graduated i moved back to my parents house, i thought that my family are the ones suppose to help me through anything, the only person i rely on and consider as my safe place is my mom, i dont have a good relation with my dad and i dont rely on him, but my mom is narcissist and kinda toxic, at my lowest i felt abandoned by her she made my mental health even worst since i moved in, i have a hateful sister that she always feel threatend by me for some reason, she always fake her attitude and her treatment so she can appear as the favorite daughter, and to do so she always have to bring me down and cause me problems with my parents and humiliate me infront of people and her friends, so they would hate me and love her more!! Cuz of my depression i became less tolerating and more violant, so she knows how to get on my nerves everytime she is home, and my parents alwyas on her side they just dont care about my mental health or what i am going through they always blame me for anything and i am always the bad person, i grew up in a toxic enviorenement where there is verbal violance and even physical, now i came to the degree that when i am furious i cant control myself what i say or do i just hurt myself to feel relieved and say mean things, iam scared that i would kill myself one day, i even left the house once, and my mom faint and went to hospital cuz she was scared i would do something harmful to myself then i came back home hoping that things will change no matter how much i communicate about everything with her she just keeps bring me down and as long as my sister in my life, she will always make my life miserable, i cant even focus on myself while living in a toxic house, and i cant live alone rn cuz iam currently unemployed, i love my family no matter how they are or how they treat me but iam so tired they ruining my life as it is already falling apart, idk what to do or where to start,i feel alone without any support, Pls praay for me to get my life on track, i really dont want to live the rest of life like this or do something i will regret!!

i don't know if i would do it one day, but just in case i need to write about the reasons i had to leave it's here.

it's gonna be long so not forcing anyone to read it's some notes for me first.

i'm a person who has creativity in lot of fields but i always lacked confidence to show what i can do, not saying i'm amazingly good but just pursuing my dreams is hard due to my fragile mind. tho the moment i started to believe in myself, i didn't have the shield to protect me from some people that can really destroy you by pure envy.

it would look like i'm blaming everything on others but actually if i never met them, or if i was less naive, my life would have been successful i'm really sure of that, and i'm never sure about anything.

everything started in 2017 when i met 3 abusive persons in a row. yes i use this word because it really affected my health and they are the reason of my s* thoughts.

the first one was a narcissist, i discovered this word with them, and had my first panic attacks since i let them try to step on me when i started being successful.

the second one was actually the person who was using me as a shield against the first person and i didn't realize, when she didn't need me anymore i discovered how vicious she was, she only cared for favors, when i wanted to stop friendship she harassed me online over a year. it caused me my depression i'm still stuck in and self harming.

i met the 3rd one during the harassement, i told her everything about my experience, and yet she was reproducing my fears, what was harder to let go it's because i thought we were sharing a special friend bond, but it was just mimicking, because the moment i said stop to the abuse, she reacted as if i always had been the issue and stole my trauma to lie online, i started to take antidepressants to avoid k*lling myself, she was definitely the worst.

idk what i'm doing wrong for repeating the cycle.

after this abuse tho luck started to show up, because i was focusing my work on me and not giving it to my abusers, so after hard work on creative fields i've been noticed for amazing opportunities, i started to grow in popularity, and i felt i was healing, but guess what, i have been suddenly harassed by jealous fans who spread lies on me, exactly the same kind as my abusers, crazy it's always by sabotage i'm losing. i lost absolutely everything after that because i had to close my business and i'm not contacted anymore despite the receipts of truth. i'm lucky most people defended me because they saw the reality but yet my chance had been robbed. i fell again in this dark place. and since that i don't know what to do

but then i notice i barely been respected my whole life so i'm really a dumbass.

first i've been conditioned by my emotionally immature mom, i only noticed after the depression that her behavior wasn't normal and maybe it's was coerced me into accepting disrespect. she never respects boundaries and don't take accountability, so since a young age i learned to apologize/adapt to others need. my sister is a cool person but i feel i don't really matter to her if it's not to serve some needs, like for example when i propose something to my family i get ignored unlike other members.

when i was in kindergarten, probably due to racism, i was excluded, bullied, but since they were a bigger group than me alone, professors never believed me. it never traumatized me but it definitely taught me to shut myself down.

in middle and high school i was around girls that only cared about superficiality, if you weren't doing everything that everyone else did you were not cool, so they treated me like i was less because i was true to myself, evicting me, never listening to me, and stopped inviting me the day 3 guys stole my phone, but i wasn't that sad because i knew they weren't real friends.

i met real friends at the adult age, because actually, it might sounds unserious but people that develops a frontal lobe got emotional intelligence and won't treat others in a way they wouldn't like.

people that met me always say they adore me but... when you adore a person are you not supposed to respect them and not use them? is the world selfish or am i not acting as i should?

but i feel i still let myself be a doormat to some people that are not "bad", like i notice with some friends of mine how the convo always revolves around them and i don't get the same interest when it's my turn, then i blame myself because it's probably because i made them think it has to be like that, but at the same time i have other friends who don't take advantage like that so why???

or some people asking me free favors because i never say no? like even tho it's my fault for no having boundaries, don't you have morals? some people copying my creations, others never letting me choose, it goes by little things like that i'm liked because i'm convenient, i bring to others, not for me.

i'm also tired of communicating my needs because it never changes, i'm tired i don't wanna fight for me, to be honest it's like i wait either for a miracle either to be hit by a bus i don't care i don't believe in anything anymore.

tomorrow it's my bday and it's the first time i chose to celebrate my day just by myself, because experiences showed me i deserved that. i never been honored the right way, either friendgroup forgetting, my mom ruining the event by not behaving well to others, having to make my day about other people ego centered choices etc.

what makes me sad is that i lost near 20years being stepped on, i don't belive i can win now. i have dreams but i can't because depression is sucking all my energy, it's making me have fears, it makes me be less in shape to be ready for efforts etc.

i wonder do i suck this much to have this life? is there an explanation?

So I am an adult. age 25. after completing bachelors I did 5 months of teaching at school. After that I got into an accident and my I got fracture. During recovery I realized that I did BS-IT I should go for that as it is my education. After doing only 2 interviews I got a job they said they are giving me a chance but I was not properly trained as it was a remote job and after some time I got laid off saying I was not good enough. And I Know that my Skill set is not up to the mark as well. Now I recently got an internship. Company said we will train you for 4 months and every person who comes here get well trained for corporate world. As I got this internship on reference I am having really negative thoughts. Like ,everyone learned in 4 months will I be able to learn too or will get laid off like before. I am an introvert and even though I can communicate in English in written forum it's difficult to do in person as this company culture is I have to speak in English because it is American based company residing in our country (I am not a native speaker of English). I know I lack in so many things but if I look back at my life when I got a good environment I did well. but life is not like that you will not get good environment everytime. It just I don't know what to do as I can't afford a therapist or phycologist or any other professional.