Hi, i'm j. Maybe i'm crazy, I do not know what im doing here, i can not afford psychologist, so I searched for free therapy and here I am. I'm tired, first of all I'm gay, living in lebanon, my parents are so religious, I believe that being gay is haram in our religion, so there is always this feeling that I'm making a sin, that I am getting away from God, I'm losing my personality, I dated a guy who drinks alcohol a lot, so I started drinking, and that is haram too, I can not stop it, i like guys, and i love god, and those two can not be together and I can not get rid of any of them. 2nd of all, i feel like there is something living inside me for example i say" i'm thirsty" then i say me too, i say "i'm hungry" then i say yes lets eat im hungry too, i always feel like there is someone watch me, i go to the mirror fix my hair, and act normal as if someone is watching me, i am scared, i am tired, i feel like the thing inside me wants me to fail University, i try to study but he wants to use the phone, i got angry, my heart hurts me to stop using the phone and i can not, wtf is this. And my biggest problem is that i am poor, I am literally poor, I have a very small car, it always stops working and I call for someone to pick me up, i am 23, i am selling all my stuff because my father is the worst person, he always tell me, u didn't help me picking the olives ( he is a farmer) so why are u eating from them, while i am eating, i always sleep hungry, u will say i am 23 why i am not working, that is because i always have heart pain when i work, i can not get out of the house, whenever i got out, i feel a weird feeling, i am studying now a full stack course, i hope this works, i am tired. I do not know if someone will read this, my english is bad
