Hey there, I can only imagine how tough this must be for you. It's completely okay to have mixed emotions after giving birth. Many new mothers feel overwhelmed and it's not a reflection of your love for your baby. What you're going through is incredibly common, even if it feels isolating. Sometimes, we have expectations that don't match reality, and that's a hard pill to swallow. I think it might help to focus on the little moments with your daughter. Maybe there's a particular time of day when she smiles or a specific way she looks at you that brings a flicker of joy. Try to hold onto those moments. Also, remember that it's okay to ask for help. You don't have to do this alone. Your husband might be more understanding than you think
Dear, your feelings are so valid and it's courageous of you to share them. The postpartum period is often painted as a blissful time, but the reality can be quite different. It's a time of immense change and it's okay to mourn the loss of the pregnancy phase. You had dreams and expectations tied to that time, and it's natural to feel a sense of loss now. One thing that might help is to try and create new dreams and expectations for this new phase with your daughter. Think about the things you can look forward to as she grows, the milestones she'll reach, and the moments you'll share. It might also help to write down your feelings. Sometimes getting them out of your head and onto paper can bring a bit of relief. Take care of yourself, you're doing better than you think.
I just wanted to say that it's perfectly normal to feel a mix of emotions after giving birth. The transition to motherhood is a monumental change and it's okay to feel overwhelmed. You mentioned you had a strong intuition about having a boy and that can be a tough expectation to let go of. It's alright to grieve that loss in a way. But also try to focus on the unique joys that come with having a daughter. Every child brings their own special kind of happiness and it's okay to take time to find that with her. Maybe you could start a little tradition with her, something that can be just yours and hers. It could be as simple as a bedtime story or a special song you sing to her. These little things can help build your bond and bring some comfort.
@butterfly_effect i agree with you completely. my mom also went through postpartum depression after having me. she told me that it was one of the most challenging times in her life. she felt overwhelmed and unsure of herself. it was hard for her to adjust to the new changes. she often felt like she wasn't doing a good job, even though she was. my dad tried to support her as much as he could. they both learned a lot about mental health during that time. my mom found it helpful to talk to other moms who were going through the same thing. they shared their experiences and gave each other advice. over time, my mom started to feel better. she found joy in the small moments with me. she told me that singing lullabies and reading stories helped her bond with me. she also started taking short walks without me to clear her mind. even though it was a tough period, she got through it. she always says that asking for help was the best thing she did. now, she looks back and feels proud of how far she's come. and she's the best mom i could ever ask for.
@butterfly_effect sharing my mom's story and hearing other people's experiences has given me a lot of insights. it's made me realize just how common postpartum challenges are and how much strength it takes to overcome them. my mom's openness about her struggles has definitely made me more empathetic and understanding. i think it's important to break the stigma around postpartum depression and mental health in general. the more we talk about it, the more we can support each other. i've also learned a lot from reading about other people's experiences here. everyone's journey is different, but the underlying emotions and challenges often have a lot in common. it's comforting to see that there's a community of people who understand and are willing to share their advice and support.
@ileffle It's really heartening to hear that your mom found a way through her postpartum depression. It's so important to have a support system and to know that it's okay to ask for help. I think that's something many new moms struggle with—feeling like they have to do it all on their own. But the truth is, parenting is a journey best taken with others, whether that's family, friends, or even online communities like this one. It's okay to lean on others and to take moments for yourself to recharge. Sometimes, just knowing you're not alone can make all the difference.
@ileffle That's so true. The power of shared experiences can't be overstated. It's through these conversations that we can start to dismantle the isolation many new parents feel. I remember reading about the importance of self-care and how it isn't selfish but necessary. It’s like the oxygen mask analogy—if you don’t take care of yourself, you can’t take care of others. Sometimes, just taking a few moments to breathe deeply or step outside can make a world of difference.
The postpartum period is a huge adjustment and it's okay to have mixed emotions. You mentioned that you feel guilty for not being completely happy and that's a heavy burden to carry. It's important to remember that your feelings are valid and they don't make you a bad mother. You love your baby, even if it doesn't always feel like it. Maybe try to find a small way to connect with her each day, whether it's through a gentle touch, a soothing word, or just holding her close. Those little moments can help build your bond and bring some comfort. And please don't hesitate to reach out for support. Your husband might be more understanding than you think. Take care, you're doing great. 🌸
hey momma, i totally get why you're feeling this way. it's like you're in a fog and can't see the sunlight. but remember, the sun is always there, even when you can't see it. now that your baby is here, things might not look like what you imagined and that's okay. it's a huge change. maybe try to find some moments of gratitude, even if they're small. like the way your baby smells, or the way she looks at you. those little moments can really add up. and don't be afraid to lean on your husband. he's your partner in this and he might surprise you with his support. hang in there.
I understand how you feel because I’m going through something very similar. I gave birth to my baby boy two months ago, and I still don't feel good. Like you, I thought I would be so happy after my baby was born, but that hasn't been the case. I miss the pregnancy phase too, and I often wish I could go back to that time.
I also had strong feelings about the gender of my baby. I was convinced I was having a girl, and when my baby boy arrived, I couldn't believe it. I felt guilty for being disappointed, and I still struggle with that feeling. It's not that I don't love my son, but I had a different picture in my mind, and it's hard to let that go.
Every day feels like a heavy weight on my shoulders. I wake up feeling exhausted and unmotivated. I love my baby, but I find it hard to connect with him fully. I'm scared that my feelings will affect him in the long run I cry a lot too, often without a clear reason. I've lost interest in things I used to enjoy. I feel like I'm just going through the motions of life without really living. My husband knows, but he doesn’t care.
@Norma Reading your stories has given me the courage to share mine. I've never told this to even my closest friends, but I feel the need to tell my story here. The first month after my son was born, I was miserable. I felt completely overwhelmed and couldn't find any joy in being a mother. I woke up every day feeling sad and anxious. I would cry for hours and didn't understand why. I loved my son, but I couldn't seem to bond with him. I felt like a failure and was scared that I would never be a good mother.
But as the weeks went by, something changed. I started to see my son for the amazing little person he is. I began to enjoy the small moments—his smile, his little hands gripping my finger, the way he looked at me with those big eyes. Slowly, my love for him grew stronger. Now, I can't imagine my life without him. He's brought so much joy and laughter into our home. It's not always easy, especially now when he’s a teenager, but I love him more than I ever thought possible.
I want you to know that it's okay to feel the way you do. You're not alone, and things can get better. It might take time, but don't lose hope. You are both good mothers, even if it doesn't feel that way right now.
@Norma There were days when I felt like I was just a shell of my former self. The person I used to be seemed so distant, almost like a dream. I remember feeling so lost and disconnected, not just from my baby, but from myself. It was like I had to learn how to be me all over again, but now with this tiny human who depended on me for everything. It was overwhelming, to say the least.
It's important to be kind to yourself, Norma. You are doing the best you can, and that is enough. It's okay to ask for help, to take time for yourself, and to acknowledge that this is hard. You are not failing; you are just navigating a really tough chapter of your life. And it will get better, even if it doesn't feel like it right now.
@Norma I'm so glad to hear that you're open to trying some new things and finding ways to take care of yourself. Remember, it's a journey, and it's okay to take it one step at a time.
I also want to emphasize the importance of self-compassion. It's something I struggled with a lot. I was so hard on myself, always thinking I needed to be perfect. But motherhood is messy and unpredictable, and it's okay to have days when you don't have it all together. Allow yourself to feel whatever you're feeling without judgment. It's okay to be vulnerable and to acknowledge that this is hard.
You are a wonderful mother, even on the days when it feels impossible. Your love for your baby shines through, and it's okay to give yourself grace as you navigate this challenging time. Remember, you're not alone, and things can get better. Keep holding onto that hope.
@Judy R. Judy, thank you so much for sharing your story. It means a lot to know that someone else has felt the same way I do right now. I admire your strength in overcoming those feelings and finding joy in your son. I hope I can get there one day too. Right now it feels impossible. I try to be present for my baby, to enjoy those little moments, but it's so hard when all I feel is this overwhelming sadness. I look at other moms and wonder how they do it, how they seem so happy and fulfilled. I feel like I'm failing my baby because I can't give him the happiness and love he deserves.
I also struggle with the guilt of feeling this way. My husband tries to be supportive, but I can see the disappointment in his eyes. He doesn't understand why I can't just be happy. After all, we have a beautiful, healthy baby, and that's something to be grateful for. Is there something wrong with me?? I want to be a good mother, but I don't know how to get there from where I am right now.
Judy, did you ever feel like you were losing yourself? Like the person you were before your baby was born just vanished? That's how I feel.
@Judy R. Judy, thank you for your kind words and advice. It's reassuring to know that you found ways to reconnect with yourself. I've been so focused on trying to be the perfect mother that I haven't really thought about taking care of myself. I've been so wrapped up in my own feelings that I haven't given myself permission to have bad days, to feel sad, or to just be. I keep thinking that I need to have it all together, but maybe that's not realistic.
Sweetheart, your feelings are valid, and it’s okay to not be okay right now. The transition to motherhood is incredibly challenging. Many mothers have felt the same way. Your love for your daughter will grow over time, even if it doesn’t feel that way now. Babies have a way of unlocking a deeper love within us as we get to know them. Take a deep breath and try to find moments of peace where you can. Maybe there’s a song or a book that brings you comfort? Use those little things to bring you some solace. And please, consider opening up to your husband. He loves you and is likely more ready to support you than you think. You don’t have to carry this burden by yourself.
hey there, sending lots of love your way. it sounds like you're going through a really tough time. being a new mom is incredibly hard and it's okay to feel like you're struggling. try to find some time each day to do something for yourself, even if it's just for a few minutes. maybe a warm bath, a cup of tea, or a favorite TV show. those small moments can make a big difference. and don't be afraid to reach out to friends or family. they might be able to offer some support or just a listening ear.
One thing to keep in mind is that our brains are wired to resist change, especially when it doesn’t align with our preconceived notions. Over time, as you adjust to your new role and get to know your daughter, these feelings of disconnection are likely to diminish. This is just a phase. It’s not permanent, and you will find your way through it. You are going to be a great mom! Congratulations!
Try to focus on the present and the small joys your baby brings each day. Babies are incredibly perceptive, and your love, even if it feels incomplete right now, is still love. It's also important to communicate with your husband. He might surprise you with his understanding and support. Remember, parenting is a partnership, and sharing your feelings can help relieve some of the burden you're carrying.
Hello,
Thank you for your courage and sharing your story. First, I want you to remember that what you're going through is not your fault. Postpartum depression is not an uncommon condition and affects about 1 in 7 new parents. With giving birth come a lot of changes - physical, hormonal, psychological, and social, and it takes some time to adjust to that. Given that you had different expectations and a picture in your mind, you're likely experiencing some grieving.
The good news is that it's a highly treatable condition. First of all, consider connecting with your healthcare provider. They can evaluate your condition by taking some tests, help you manage your symptoms, and get you the help you need. Reaching out to a therapist can also be beneficial. A specialist can help you work through your feelings and adjust to the new reality. Usually, postpartum depression is treated with a combination of talk therapy, hormonal therapy, and antidepressants, but it's important to consult your doctor to understand what's the best approach for you. Remember that you don't have to go through this alone.
Here are also some things to remember and try during this period:
- Give yourself an opportunity to process the grief. It may feel like one stage of your life has ended, and it's important to let yourself grieve that. You can express your feelings in your diary or by talking through them with someone you trust or a therapist. It can help to join a support group for new mothers as well, where you can freely express what's bothering you and feel that you're not alone in this.
- Try taking care of yourself as much as possible. Take your time to recover. In the first weeks, it's important to let someone else take care of responsibilities other than feeding your baby and taking care of yourself. Remember that it's absolutely fine to ask for help. Try getting rest and sleep whenever you can - for example, when your baby sleeps, even if it's just for a few minutes. These minutes can add up and help you feel more restored. You can also have your baby's bed nearby so you can save energy and time to feed them at night.
It can help to get out for fresh air for a few minutes each day as well. Additionally, try breathing techniques to lower your cortisol levels (stress hormone). For example: practice deep belly breathing by placing one hand on your chest and the other on your belly. Breathe in slowly through your nose, feeling your belly expand. Hold for a few seconds, then exhale slowly through your mouth. Repeat for a few times until you feel calmer.
A healthy diet is very important too. When you're tired and busy, it's normal to forget about food or not have the energy to plan a healthy diet. You can start by planning simple but healthy meals that include vegetables, fruits, protein (fish, nuts, seeds, peas, beans), and grains (oatmeal, brown rice, etc.). Consider asking your husband to provide the products or cook.
- One way that can help you adjust to the new reality is focusing on the positive moments of it. Make a list of things that can be beneficial about parenthood (for example, watching your child grow and develop, experiencing unconditional love, rediscovering the world through your child's eyes, creating family traditions and memories). Also, try noticing little things about your baby that you feel good about. It could be her smile, her eyes, facial expressions, the way she looks at you, the way she feels when you hold her. Imagine what you could do together, what you can teach her.
Sometimes it takes time to form a bond with your baby. It strengthens as you have close contact with them, respond to their emotional needs by soothing them, reassuring them when they cry, etc. Close contact releases oxytocin - the "love" hormone that makes you feel happier and more caring. For example, when you spend time with them, feed them, etc., you can make sure that there's skin-to-skin contact - it can relax both you and your baby. You can also learn how to give a massage to your baby - it's been shown that such activity can decrease the symptoms of postpartum depression.
Additionally, you can try singing to her. It doesn't matter how good you are at this; it's been proven that singing to your baby is just as good as reading or playing with toys to keep their attention. It works better than just playing music from a device. Plus, when you sing to your baby, not only does it help them focus and learn, but it can also help you take your mind off negative thoughts and feelings and make you feel better about being a parent.
Hopefully some of the recommendations help. I believe that with proper help and support, you can get through this and start enjoying your life again.
Hi,
It is not uncommon to feel guilty for having gender disappointment. Therapy would help a great deal in processing your emotions as its contributing to depression. Your feelings are valid as each person has their choice of desire in their mind.It is normal to have hopes and dreams when you are pregnant but it takes time to accept the reality when it doesn't match with your dream. You need to validate your emotions by questioning yourself
Questioning yourself will help you challenge your gender stereotypes, will help you realise if you are really losing anything. Digging deeper will help you understand where this feelings are stemming from and you can use this information to understand what is important to you as a parent. You should also meet your friends who have boy child, girl child understand how each one's experience is? certain times we make certain assumption and that leads to fear in our mind that i will not be able to do this with a girl child . so when you talk to others you will understand if it is true or just your assumptions.
you can discuss with therapist if you dont want to talk to your partner about it. It is important you are gentle to yourself as you work through the complex emotions involved in grieving the loss of your dream and finding joy in the child who is born. Giving birth to a baby itself takes a huge toll on our body. You need to take rest and recover.