I feel sorry for the way you are feeling my friend and it's upsetting to be different in this world is seen as weird, but I see it as being unique, you do not need to feel strange for being unique, stand your ground strong, dare to be different and dare to own it in front of everyone, and if some people do not accept you it doesn't matter, we're not here to please every single person on this planet, we are here to do ourselves and live peacefully, do not feel low or ashamed to be different, you're unique and loved, just make sure you have the right supportive people around you, and if you don't be that strong lone wolf till you find your people, but do not surrender to what society needs from you, you're beautiful unique and valued remember that
You shouldn't be feeling anxious and hideous about anything, you are unique and you should treasure that, anybody trying to make you feel bad about it shouldn't matter to you, they just can't bare the thought of somebody being different, be proud of who you are and own it my love, make sure you do not surround yourself with people who do not appreciate your unique existence, you deserve to be around people who appreciate your existence, who tell you to be yourself, who push you to shoot your confidence levels, even if you don't have such people around you, it doesn't matter, you should know from within that you need to treat yourself with kindness and love , you haven't done anything wrong to be feeling ashamed
Stand strong 💪
I am really sorry and your problem is unimaginable to me with all the hate campigns and sigma male strategies adopted all over the internet and common LGBTQ+ phobia. Especially in Western part of the world due to religious faith and such. Be strong try to be financially wealthy money solves a lot of problems if you are living in a capitalist democratic country. If you are living in a fanatic nation keep your identity quite and try to live the country as soon as possible.
Hello!
Judging by your story, you seem to suffer from a long-term stress and tension, which is killing your mental health. Let’s talk about it in more detail. In fact, when a person has been stressed for a long time, his or her world perception gets narrower. There is even a term in psychology, which is called “the tunnel vision”. This is a state when a person is focused on a single idea, sensation or memory and fails to view the situation in general. Now you’re focused on being lonely and judged by others. But I am sure if you look at this situation from a different angle, everything will not seem that bad and there may be a way out, probably multiple ways. In order to prove that I suggest you to do a simple exercise called “It’s not true”. First, write down all the negative statements and beliefs that you have in one column.
For example, “I am lonely”, “Everyone is blaming me” etc. Second, write down three (or even five) counter arguments opposite each of these statements. These statements should refute the first ones. For example, “I am lonely” – “I communicate with my colleagues”; “Everyone is blaming me” – “There are people who support me” etc. When you finish this exercise you will see that your life is not that hopeless as you see it. One more thing: some people like playing a psychological game called “If not… then…” For example, “If my husband didn’t drink, I would be happy” or “If I were born in a rich family, I wouldn’t have problems in life” etc. This is self-deceit in reality, a way to take away responsibility for your life and absence of desire to work on yourself. I will not insist on a fact that you also play this game, I’m just suggesting you to think about the following issues:
- What is that part inside you that you don’t want to see?
- What am I hiding from behind my gender identity?
- Why do I avoid contacting other people?
I can suggest that deep fear is the reason of all this. Make a mini-examination with the help of these questions and try to find the reason for your social anxiety. When you find the true reason, it will be easier to cope with the problem. Good luck to you!