Post
sh
shaila banu
1y ago

i dont feel like living

i'm 18 yrs old and my parents are disappointed in me that don't earn. these days i 've been constantly thinking about taking my life myself. mom always scolds me for not doing house hold chores she often reminds me that i' m 18 and should do these works but i don't feel like doing anything . i'm a very introverted person i can't tell some one all these things while they are in front of me. i am a ncc cadet i joined because i wanted some exposure. i even got selected for a camp. but got rejected in the middle but my freind was able to get a gold medal .it made me feel worthless as i looked at her walking with pride while holding her medal. i am not able to concentrate on my studies due to pressure from home and college and my disappointments in my self .most of the time ,people don't talk to me sometimes they forget me altogether but i am fine with that but i feel like everyone has got a talent and during ncc, everyone s either good on ground or culturals or studying i feel like i do not belong in there i am fat i have no stamina, as a result i cannot perform as well as others do. always feel like a looser . so from a very young age, i imagined myself as a very popular celebrity to whom every one is looking up at for her great success in her young age . i find myself always day dreaming into the character .that resulted me in pushing my real self far away . now i cannot find what i want or need. i find myself at loss. i don't have a goal in my life i cannot find my passion i like two things music/singing and english. i love singing and always dreamt to become a singer but as i am shy and worried of others comments, i have'nt told to any one. but i tried i once sung at home and to my friends but did not get an appreciative response so i stopped cause i only find solace in my voice i am also fond of dancing i always try but always get degraded so i sing and dance in private hiding it from my own family for years .it s hard .as i said i cannot talk freely . love books it lets me escape the cruel reality of the world even now when i think of dying,i feel sad to leave a collection of my books unread

please help me this is my last resort. am very disappointed ashamed and embaressed of my self

Specialist answer
12
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Love and relationships
Our free therapy courses to cope with depression
Veena Choudhary
1y
Specialist
  • Write down 5 positive traits about you and kindly explain them with examples of why you feel you have this trait. Look in to the mirror and say these traits everyday. Feel the sensation in your body when you say this trait loudly looking at yourself. Feel proud of your positive traits. Notice the little things you are good at and allow yourself to feel proud of it.


  • Think about times in the past when you made it through something really difficult. Remind yourself that even though you might not feel your best right now, you have the ability and strength to get through it.


  • Notice your thought patterns. Start journalling and write down everyday you feel something negative. notice all your negative thought patterns each day. Stop over generalising which means words always, never, don't, do not will be there in your sentence. You must have experience one thing in the past like example you sang and no one gave an appreciative response so you assume all future events will have same outcome. No one would like my singing.Stop this and focus on using realistic language. use language of positivity whenever you think negative. When we start seeing negative in things then we will find negativity in everything. if there is positivity also we just ignore because we cant see beyond negativity.

Example look at the situation of singing if your friend is going through this and felt no one is appreciating what would you advice her. Show the same empathy and understanding towards yourself.


  • What is most important in your life. close your eyes and visualise and write it down. Example: attention, recognition, self esteem, self confidence. once you have set the priority of your life then ask yourself:


>>> what is holding you back from what you want?


>>> what areas do you need to work on?


>>> what areas you are good? say example you love books how do you think this can help you in future ?


>>> you say you love reading books?what do you learn from books? what type of books you read? how can you apply your learning from these books in your real life?


  • Check the accuracy of your assumption or statement you make. you say you are worthless? so one incident in your life made you say that you are worthless? do you feel once incident decides your trait? when ever you say something always check if its true or based on reality or its just your assumption. validate with facts . Remind yourself there is difference between opinion and facts.


  • Let go of the idea you need to perfect in order to have value. Accept who you are, embrace and love yourself.


  • Ponder over things you have accomplished and things you are proud of? appreciate yourself for your worth without making comparisons or focus on areas you need to improve.


  • Goals have been thoughts as way to reach success and do something in life but unable to have any goals leads to confusion, anxiety, emptiness in life. Gaols are generally derived from desire so that means something should excite you or matter to you. Goals basically are set based on ingredients from your inner self like your beliefs, your values, your interest rather than outer world. Your inner value decides final attitude towards it. so if you are not able to decide your goal means you dont have enough ingredients. You do not have sufficient understanding of yourself. You are just distracted by expectation from your family and lack of appreciation from others.


>>> Start observing your feelings, just be mindful in everything you do. Whenever you do something say read a book, watch a movie, dance, sing having dinner, talking to anyone notice how you feel, how you like or what you don't like. Once you start journalling everyday observation you will be able to set a goal for yourself.


  • Start appreciating yourself instead of waiting for others to appreciate you.


  • If you are no more what do you think anyone should remember you for? do you have that trait or talent in you? have you displayed that trait or talent to everyone?


i hope this helps. Kindly go to therapist who will help you. Life is beautiful if only you want to see it that way.

fr
fritschfloy
1y

Hi!!! I'm not indifferent to your worries.... I realized that you're having a hard time in many ways: your mom yells, you don't like your looks, you don't study where you wanted to.... You want to sing at all, but you're not sure of your abilities.... Everything came to a head and you decided that it's better not to live... Think about it, but the most interesting life is just beginning :you know for sure that you love music and want to sing, that you need to lose weight.... You have a goal! Now just go for it!

trantow
1y

My help and support!!! My sympathy to you!!! You have so many problems listed, I wonder how you are dealing with them...sorry to hear your parents chide you for not making money.....

it's wrong of them. You are scolded for clutter...would they scold you if you had order? Thoughts distract you from your studies and you eat yourself up...Everything is in your hands...You write that you are fat, start losing weight, doing sports..... If you love music, start practicing it. Start changing your life.

buckrid
1y

Hi! It is so wonderful to have a dream of becoming a singer...you have even sung in front of your friends...If you have a dream, you have a goal...You just have to find your audience and believe in yourself...Can a singer be fat? easy! A singer should have his own unique image!!!! I hope when you become famous, tell everyone that I'm your first fan!

gunnar
1y

Hello! I read that you have always dreamed of becoming the most successful, and that you are very depressed by the success of others... You've already written yourself off as a loser... Have you tried a lot?and what have you already done? If not, then without any conclusions, run forward to your luck!

trant
1y

My support to you!!! it seems to me that your desire to read books for the purpose of escaping from reality is just a great find. Read more, you'll get away from your bad thoughts and find many ways out of your situation!!!

lynn
1y

Don't worry so much that you don't fit the ideal of a cadet. Well, if you don't think it's your place, then somewhere it is!!! and I think you wrote where- music...work on yourself and go for your dream!!!!

gailpar
1y

Dude! You wrote that you don't like your life! So you write what you want. You have everything to make your life like it for you...you can lose weight. start singing. change colleges...everything is in your hands...The main thing is to want to...and since you don't like your life, you sure want to live differently....

brianaк
1y

Hello! I also found something to support you with!! I read a lot of advice for you in the comments. And I saw that you write “I always dream about a character.” Well, it’s great that you have a dream!! Go to her... think about your dream!! You're ok!! Believe in yourself!!

davion
1y

You're confused, but it's temporary!!! At 18, not everyone can earn money... There will always be someone better or worse than you at school... If you don't like your weight, it's in your hands... If you want to choose another profession - "choose!" The main thing is not to let yourself whine, and act.

schaefer
1y

My sympathies! I can see that your parents are strict and you have to do what they want you to do. That's why you're not in your place, you didn't choose your own path... You're often scolded, so you feel like a failure...

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