i dont feel like living

i'm 18 yrs old and my parents are disappointed in me that don't earn. these days i 've been constantly thinking about taking my life myself. mom always scolds me for not doing house hold chores she often reminds me that i' m 18 and should do these works but i don't feel like doing anything . i'm a very introverted person i can't tell some one all these things while they are in front of me. i am a ncc cadet i joined because i wanted some exposure. i even got selected for a camp. but got rejected in the middle but my freind was able to get a gold medal .it made me feel worthless as i looked at her walking with pride while holding her medal. i am not able to concentrate on my studies due to pressure from home and college and my disappointments in my self .most of the time ,people don't talk to me sometimes they forget me altogether but i am fine with that but i feel like everyone has got a talent and during ncc, everyone s either good on ground or culturals or studying i feel like i do not belong in there i am fat i have no stamina, as a result i cannot perform as well as others do. always feel like a looser . so from a very young age, i imagined myself as a very popular celebrity to whom every one is looking up at for her great success in her young age . i find myself always day dreaming into the character .that resulted me in pushing my real self far away . now i cannot find what i want or need. i find myself at loss. i don't have a goal in my life i cannot find my passion i like two things music/singing and english. i love singing and always dreamt to become a singer but as i am shy and worried of others comments, i have'nt told to any one. but i tried i once sung at home and to my friends but did not get an appreciative response so i stopped cause i only find solace in my voice i am also fond of dancing i always try but always get degraded so i sing and dance in private hiding it from my own family for years .it s hard .as i said i cannot talk freely . love books it lets me escape the cruel reality of the world even now when i think of dying,i feel sad to leave a collection of my books unread

please help me this is my last resort. am very disappointed ashamed and embaressed of my self