My heart goes out to you, as a feminine presenting person that’s often mistaken for a woman I more than understand how frustrating it is. You can’t exist without a man either feeling entitled to your time and personal space or feeling obligated to make disturbing remarks that are “supposed to be compliments.”
Men think catcalling is a compliment because they don’t know how to properly interact and communicate with women. Most men are lustful and struggle to see outside a sexualised perspective, so they assume women perceive being lusted after as a compliment, because if a woman catcalled a man they’d take it as an ego boost.
I used to work in hospitality and oscillated between roles as a server and bartender. Every night I’d leave with anywhere between one and three hundred dollars in tips because I worked private events and banquets at high end establishments, but it wasn’t because of my good work ethic and customer service experience. It was because the patrons were perverse old men who thought I was a woman, all because I dye my hair eccentric colours, have piercings, tattoos and am on the shorter side. I worked nights so the spaces were dimly lit, barely making my facial hair visible but it’s not my voice isn’t deep? They’d make sick comments like, “I wish I had you as my private server” and even offered me work at their own company with better pay in exchange for sexual favours.
Had similar things happen when I briefly worked retail. A lot of male employers misread and mispronounced my name as “Michelle” despite it clearly being “Mitchel”, just spelled with one L, and would proposition me with sexual favours before even getting hired (literally quid pro quo). I also bar hop for fun very frequently but I cross-dress when I do. I’ll wear my two tone wigs, put on makeup and my favourite tube top and fitted leather pants. To and from where I’m going I’ll have men saying and trying to do weird shit to me which is why I picked up boxing.
Ultimately, I’m sorry that you don’t feel safe enough to be perceived or carry out every day tasks. Being catcalled is NOT a compliment and I wish more people understood that. Most women and sensible people don’t like feeling objectified. It’s a gross and disgusting thing. If you’re having trouble connecting with others because of how depressing this feels, if it’s okay I recommend I’d like to say try connecting with others who relate in workshops somewhere.
I am deeply sorry to hear about the experiences you've been going through. No one should ever feel unsafe or objectified in their own neighborhood or anywhere else. Cat calling is not a compliment. It's disrespectful and invasive, making it’s victims feel uncomfortable and unsafe. It's important that we continue to discuss this issue openly, as it's the only way we can bring about change.
As a society, we need to educate ourselves and others about the harmful impact of cat calling and work towards creating an environment where everyone can feel safe. Unfortunately, this change might not happen overnight, but with each conversation we have on the topic, we are making progress.
I completely understand your frustration. Catcalling is not a compliment, it's a form of harassment, plain and simple. No one should have to feel unsafe or uncomfortable just walking down the street or going about their daily life. You are not the problem, and you shouldn't have to change your routine or appearance to avoid this type of unwanted attention. It's disheartening that catcalling is still so prevalent and tolerated, especially when it can make someone feel so vulnerable and scared. You deserve to feel safe and respected, and no one has the right to make you feel otherwise.
As a man, I have never in my life felt fear walking down the street. I'm so sorry to hear that for some it's an everyday occurrence. I can't imagine how I would deal with it myself, because I like to have as little attention as possible. I'm so sorry that you are experiencing this. I don't even know what to suggest. I guess there's no definite advice in a situation like this. I just hope you stay safe!
I just want to commend you for having the courage to share your story. It's not easy to speak up about these experiences, but it's so important. I really hope your story inspires more people to speak up about their own experiences with catcalling. This isn't just a minor annoyance, it's a serious form of harassment that needs to be addressed seriously and publicly. Thank you for raising awareness about this issue.
@Mitchel Unfortunately, cat calling is very common even in smaller towns. I can’t imagine living in a city with a bunch of people just making comments constantly. It’s infuriating that we have to experience such disgusting treatment. No one should have to deal with that level of disrespect and objectification.
Your suggestion about workshops is a great idea. It can be incredibly healing to connect with others who understand where we’re coming from and what we’ve been through. To the author of this post: please know that there are people out there willing to listen and stand by you.
@Mitchel I have a friend who's into drag. And let me tell you, he's VERY feminine. You'd be amazed at how well he carries himself. What's not so amazing? The catcalling he experiences. He's told me time and time again about how he faces a lot of catcalling, especially when he's in full drag. It's almost as if the moment he steps out, it's an open invitation for people to start this nonsense. And the worst part? Sometimes, these remarks come from the most homophobic people you could imagine.
I mean, seriously, it's 2024. But no, some people just don't seem to get it. They carry on with this bs, completely oblivious to how disrespectful and downright offensive it is. And it's not just about the catcalling. It's about the audacity of these people, you know? It boggles my mind. It's a tough world out there for me and people like my friend. But despite all these challenges, I admire his and yours courage. AND courage of every woman on this planet tbh.
I’m sorry to hear that you have been feeling exhausted and overwhelmed. Catcalling IS a form of harassment that makes you feel unsafe and objectified, especially if you experience it regularly on your commute or during your free time. It can have a negative impact on your confidence. My girlfriends tells me all the time that she’s facing this. When we are together out for a walk it’s a different story. It’s a sad world. It's important to remember that this is not your fault, and you have every right to feel safe. No one deserves to be treated in this way.
@katie Back when I was younger and in school, I remember conducting and partaking in a gender study surrounding this subject. “Is Catcalling a compliment?” was the title and it essentially surveyed men and women for their responses. I can’t remember the statistical number, but a LARGE portion of women who engaged commented that they didn’t take catcalling as a compliment while a LARGE portion of men did. This was a class project completed 10+ years ago and I highly doubt much has changed.
That aside, as someone who regularly attends workshops (virtual and in person), they’re a great way to connect with others and I avidly encourage everyone to get involved! I recently signed up for 3 new workshops that surround survivors of assault, gardening for survivors, and people who’re estranged from their relatives. Workshops can do wonders for a person so if possible, definitely get involved!
And to OP if you see this reply, I hope you’ll be able to find others who understand and are supportive of you in your pursuit to wanting to a safety network. Sending love and light your way!
@stargirle Oh I can believe it. I’m almost worried to hear any specific situations he’s experienced because I’ve had quite a few, especially in the bar scene where I’ve had men buy me drinks, trying to sleep with me, then when I speak and tell them I’m a man, they get upset, call me transphobic slurs and incite physical violence against me.
Even outside of catcalling as you mention, it’s literally just men feeling entitled to women and feminine presenting people’s time, space and body because again, as I’ve mentioned in my other comment, they don’t know how to properly communicate with them. It honestly makes my skin crawl and for that reason I NO cisgender heterosexual male friends. It’s very rare you meet a NORMAL man.
Whistles, noises, comments are all unsettling. Such street harassment makes a person feel vulnerable, threatened, discomfort, paranoia, anger. Fear of being in this uncontrollable situation worsens the feelings further. There is no right way to deal with this street harassment. You just need to think about your safety as well. For that i would suggest learn martial arts as a form of self-defense. This will help you to feel confident, empowering.
You can also try hollaback campaign when sometimes you feel threatened by same person catcalling you often. then you can take his photo and press charges against him through hollaback campaign.
Men who are doing this will never understand what you are feeling, whether they are doing wrong.It is all about power or attention from women. .if you feel safe enough to respond then you can assertively responds to that person. Firmly but without insulting or personally attacking them. stating you don't like it.
It is good that you are voicing out your opinion about this. This would help others who are going through this to speak out too and enable an awareness in the world. As there are many men out in the world who think it is ok to catcall. We should all work together to speak out loud about this in various platforms and condemn such actions.