I've been diagnosed with bipolar disorder like a year ago, maybe even less. Before, I was taking multiple antidepressants, trying to cure my persistent depression for a few years, but without success. I've switched multiple jobs throughout the years and I always thought that I'm just lazy and/or too softspined, which might be true.
Right now my doctor and I are trying to find right medications that would work for me, but so far nothing seem to help. I think that my depression is still with me, but now I actually am not sure anymore. I've forgotten how I felt when I was normal. I feel like I've been lazy and unproductive my whole life, except the times when i was hypomanic.
Right now I feel like I'm trying to find excuses for my inaction in mysterious diseases that I have. I hate myself, I hate my life and I don't see a future for myself. Which is funny, because it is exactly how depression is described.
I'm starting to give up on normal life, with relationships, friends and other things that I had hoped for. I am definitely not trying hard enough to do something with it, but I just don't want to. If a person doesn't want to help himself, you can't help him, right?
Anyway, I don't know what I'm trying to do here. I was asked to try and find help in communities that share the same problem. But I feel like I'm beyond help, even if it sounds cringey. I'm sorry for being so dramatic, I just felt like it. Thanks for reading.
