I’ve found that depression and anxiety are pecursors of low self-esteem. I felt much more “fitting”, when I was younger and without the burden of my health issues. Sometimes people judge just when they hear your diagnoses. It cost me a lot of nerves, but I learned the Zen of ignoring. Here’s what I do: when I open up to a person, I show them that I trust them. If they betray my trust in any way, I force them out of my life. There’s no time to impress anyone, I need to feel I’m accepted as I am. And when I meet a person who appreciates my company, I value them even more. This may be harder with parents, then again, you are a grown-up and don’t need their appreciation. Your only winning strategy is to believe that you deserve only the best in this life and stick to it!
You can start with positive affirmations. Search for the ones that resonate with you most, and repeat them daily. Takes only a little of your time, while the effect may be amazing
My 5 cents: instead of trying to be what someone else expects you to be, focus on just being you. I know that low self-esteem makes you overthink how others see you. You suffer because you overestimate how much other people think about you, while many of them couldn’t care less since we are all self-centered. Thus, you need to identify and challenge your negative thoughts every time. It’s a process, it’s not linear, and it becomes a habit after some practice.
Thinking favorably about yourself is a big step toward improving your self-esteem. I took to praising all my small daily achievements. Did I plan to do 5 things today and finished them all? Incredible me! Did I manage only 4 of those? Still I’m very good. Was it another anxiety moment I overcame and got a reward for it? I’m a superhero today! And so on… Such moments help you build a healthy relationship with yourself, and it’ll be your protection against all those who try to prick your bubble of confidence. There will be a lot of such people! You won’t avoid them all, so learn to love yourself instead. I also believe fitness and all sorts of exercise increase my positive self-image, something about extra dopamine boost I believe.
I’ve had to learn to stand up for myself the hard way. I grew up with two brothers, both of them bigger and stronger than me. My mother joked that I would have starved if they hadn’t put my meals aside beforehand. It made me feel very insecure, and when I finished university, I took up Aikido and later boxing. It was a life-changer! For women, I’d suggest looking into Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. Aikido is also a great choice, it has lots of spirituality in it!
I'm not aware of any silver bullet for this kind of issue. It’s something I have to deal with every single day. Some days it’s better, and I feel proud of myself. Other days, I feel like sh*t. I learned to forgive myself for not always being the best version of myself. Constantly remind yourself that you are worthy, you are loved, and you are the master of your own universe!
“We can't spend our lives waiting to live” is what I often tell myself when I’m in doubt whether to do something or not. It gives me a nudge of courage, which is the most important thing modest people need. I’m sorry the relationships with your parents are complicated, and I hope you know that you don’t need their affirmation! One small tip: treat yourself to an ice cream when you’re in need of encouragement. Sugary things make our brains smile :)
Having low self-esteem isn't something you can fix overnight. I can think of three strategies. One big thing that will help a bit is to forgive your family members and those who did you wrong. Don’t drag the resentment into your life. A therapist will definitely help with that. Getting off social media would be the next step (difficult, but possible). And finding a hobby that makes you feel happy. That’s about it.
Thank you all for your tips! I will work on boosting my self-esteem in the New Year! 🥂 I'm determined to start with a clean slate
Hello,
It seems that you've been through very difficult situations and it's understandable how these experiences affected the way you view yourself. Our life experiences shape our beliefs. But it's important to remember that our thoughts don't always reflect reality accurately. When we live with negative beliefs for a long time, changing them is a long process, but it's possible.
Here are some tips on what you can do:
- Identify your negative beliefs about yourself. You can do it by spotting your thoughts when you feel bad about yourself. For example, you may think "I'm a failure" when you make a mistake. Write down situations when you have these thoughts and what the thoughts are in your journal. Keep regularly recording your thoughts for at least a month.
- After you've identified your thoughts, you can challenge them by asking yourself - what facts support or contradict them? Could they be exaggerations? Then try reframing them in a more positive, realistic way. For example, "I'm a failure" could be reframed to "I'm human and all humans make mistakes. Mistakes help me learn".
- Think of your qualities that you like about yourself, talents, and achievements (even small ones) and write them down. Perhaps, there's a meal that you're good at making, or you're good with animals. If you find this difficult, ask people close to you what they appreciate about you. For example, your friend may say you are understanding and a good listener. Come back to this list whenever you feel doubtful or insecure.
- Try this daily exercise - before bed, write down 3 things you did that day that you feel proud of. They don't have to be big accomplishments like "won an award". Smaller things count too like "finished a task," "helped a friend," or even "got through a tough day" Noticing more positive events can change how you see yourself. Do this for a month, and see how it affects the way you feel.
- It's also important to take care of yourself by listening to your needs. For example, ask yourself what kind of food or activity sounds good right now. Think if you're neglecting some of your emotional or physical needs (by not drinking enough water, not getting enough sleep or rest etc.). Make a list of what's important to you - in terms of relationships, health, career and studies, hobbies, in order to define your true values. Engage in more pleasurable activities that make you feel good about yourself - dancing, singing, drawing - anything you enjoy. Trying new things can be helpful too.
As you show yourself more care and self-compassion, it may become easier to stand for yourself. But first you need to get to know your boundaries. You can do it by making lists of:
- What you accept from others (e.g. asking for favors, hugs)
- What you don't accept from others (e.g. forcing to do something, insults, taking my food)
- What you like (e.g. quiet music, dancing, deep conversations)
- What you dislike (e.g. crowds, violence)
You can also pay attention to your emotional and physical reactions to people's actions towards you in a daily life.
Start practicing saying no or asserting your boundaries in safer situations first (for example, calmly declining an invitation to go out from a close friend when you don't feel like it), then expand from there when you're ready.
I hope you can find some of these strategies helpful. Remember to be patient with yourself. Working with a therapist individually can make this process easier for you.
Low self esteem itself means having poor sense of self value. it is all about liking yourself, believing that you deserve love and valuing your thoughts, feelings, opinions, interest and goals. It is also about how you allow others to treat you. You need to start learning to live your life and not trying to please others
You say you want to be daughter, a diligent worker, good girlfriend but where is the "your own needs for yourself. This is what is your goal of life or is it beyond all this. what do you want to be for yourself is the important question to ask. Do not pressurise yourself to be the good, better. Just drop those adjectives and give what you can from your side to any relationship but do not pressurise to be best at everything. Just be happy with what you can do and give. Be proud of it. You did what you can do to your best and stop with it. Don't label it. you can only enjoy your life when you stop thinking you are falling apart. the more you feel the more you pressurise yourself to go beyond doing things for a relationship. this can be portrayed as weakness to others who will think you will do still whatever they ask for. Set your limit. This can only happen if you sit down and understand what is your limit, what do you like, don't like,
if you don't love yourself, understand what do you want, need, desire then no matter how much ever you try you will still fall apart.
Building or fixing self esteem takes time but there are few steps you can take to protect your mental well being:
Raising your self esteem may take some time and effort but over time you can learn to better see and appreciate yourself for who you are. Kindly go to therapist who will help you with all the negative core beliefs which has set in your mind through various situations, events happened in your life. Therapist will help you address those situations individually to work on your core beliefs positively.