Where do I even begin..
For years I wondered why am I so different,only to find out on my own during a tiktok that hey you might have ADHD combined..I come from a strict religious family where mental health is looked down upon,that if you suffering with anything pray and it will go away.but it's not at a point where that isn't enough.im stuck in a house of toxicity where I'm beginning to feel more and more overwhelmed.at first I just thought it's my personality,until it started spilling into my personal life,that I've been unemployed for so long as my ADHD seems to get worst and worst,I can't go to a doc to get diagnosed as I got helicopter parents and I'm a introvert.they will disown because they feel it is spirits and not a real problem.ive never felt so stuck in my entire life.im always the one they look to for all help,any problem they throw it on me,when I have issues I got no one, because I don't get heard.i get shunned away.that now it's got to a dangerous point.where it's bubbling ,all the emotions.i got no friends,not one,all the friends use me,and when I speak out and set boundaries they leave.i got no other fam, besides my immediate in which they only add and add to my plate.i struggle to find work as my ADHD is at a bad place.i haven't been diagnosed by a doc but I know 99 percent I got it.i can't organize to save my life,I struggle to focus,I can't sit still,I talk alot,I hyperfocus,I struggle to remember or pay attention to people talking or detail.i want out so bad..out of this house ..so I can be alone.just to think and feel and be me,I have no identity away from my parents.they always around,I got no rships in any form because they always in my life making decisions for me.when I try speak up about it,I get guilt tripped or get religious stuff thrown in my face.i am a very loveable and good hearted person but now it's at the point of my mental health,I have even through of suicide.because I feel cornered.i got nobody and nothing,I am very independent but can't find work because of this ADHD.i can't even be on medication because my parents don't believe in that,I tried other pain tabs,cannabis and nothing works.i just want to feel human,I feel like a robot instead,my brain never switches off,I struggle to sleep.i feel like I don't own my life..my parents are my life,I'm 27 and feel 10.they decide it all for me.ive never had people just be there for me in my life they always use me,or take advantage or better yet get close to me to spread gossip and my story to other people.i feel all alone...I'm tired of the arguments in my house,it's taking a toll on me,mentally even physically I've been getting sicker and sicker and they don't even see or shrug it off.im so confused,lost,depressed,in a bad space.i feel trapped in my room.waiting,but waiting for what? When I know no one's coming to my rescue..been currently unemployed I can't even buy stuff, everything is money,so that adds because now my parents pressure me.yet I'm at breaking point mentally,even if I had to start work I'd probably commit suicide or get fired after a day.. because my mental is at such a fragile place.idk how much more I can take till I break...I see others my age,get married,have boyfriends,go out on vacations,go to the mall and I hate myself more and more,I hate social media because it just reminds me of how bad I am in my situation.i never had a easy life,my childhood was worst.and I hate to be a victim or look for sympathy so I've bottled it in for years,and I guess this is the result of years of trauma.now I find comfort in been alone..I just want quiet and peace.but instead I get overwhelmed...I've never fitted in and I didn't have a problem with that when I was younger Until now,when I get shown other people's pics by my mom of what they doing etc.its the same routine everyday,monotonous.that many occasions I don't even want to wake up at all.i just need help or any direction..besides the one I'm in right now.
My heart dropped reading this honey, when you should be living your life you are here filled with hatred and sorrow and apologizing for everything for being you for being a unique child for being a bit different, I wanna help you so bad but the problem here is your parents with their extreme perfectionist behavior trying to make you feel worse about you, look I can suggest you seeing a psychiatrist and telling them the same, and then they can invite your parents too for parental therapies but the question is will they be ready to take it, will they allow you to take it. If you can do certain official stuff by yourself then I can suggest you some serious stuff, but if not I would suggest you to first of all not feel miserable about yourself, second you should make your parents feel that they are hindering your childhood your peace your purity and softness as a child
and stop being sorry about anything, ones who should be sorry are your parents and also your siblings who cannot protect you from this mental abuse
I am so sorry to hear all of that lil one, it hurts me to see a young kid dealing with situations like these, look there can be a lot of steps to cure this problem officially and legally by seeing psychiatric help or some other way, but the problem is you are young and I don't know if they'll support you or consider your words
Anyways what else I can suggest you is firstly, never ever feel bad for being you for simply feeling what you feel like or doing what you want to, never, you are young and should live a surreally beautiful restriction free life, tell your parents what they're doing to you , how it makes you feel, tell your siblings how instead of taking a stand for you they like being praised by their parents and being the better ones, if you don't spill it out, nobody will know honey, talk for yourself, take stand for yourself
I really want to support you ...I read everything and accept you for who you are. I realized that your mother demands a lot from you, scolds you, doesn't praise you, and doesn't accept you as you are. I liked that you wrote that you WANT to live your life. And it has to be lived. You don't like being compared to someone else all the time. Yeah, maybe that's wrong, no offense to your mom. It's great that you know exactly what you want, what you don't want. It's also not bad that you're trying to convey your personality to your mom. Try everything you've written to boldly communicate to your mom. It's the beginning of an interaction with her.
Your parents have got you down! I hope you're in a situationally bad mood. Because your parents criticize you a lot. And comparing you to others. Hang in there! Think, if you are often told remarks, maybe something to change in your behavior? and not think the worst....
my sympathy and support! poor lonely child with adults in the family. You are growing as a person, you are going through a process of self-recognition, and you are also reacting strongly to adult reprimand...It will pass, everything will be fine
Poor baby! I can hear you crying after you've been scolded again! I'm sure you're the best! Don't be sad!