Idk why I'm like this. I'm 11, yk what idc what people say. They could say I'm just being dramatic but whatever, and before you say how 'mature' I could be for an 11 year old. Let me just tell you, some kids don't act like kids. Okay.
I know I'm not smart I know I'm not pretty I know I'm not depressed but stop comparing me to my siblings mom. Stop comparing me to my friends, my cousins. ANYONE. I just wanna be me. I just wanna live my life without any expectations, I don't wanna not live up to those expectations and be disappointed in myself or be. A dissapointment to OTHERS.
"That's because you don't try, if you try maybe you can be happier and healthier" I am trying, I've tried for years and nothing is helping. I wanna get better. I wanna be a better person, but I can't. I'm doing everything, I've tried so hard but it's just never good enough. I'm just 11 but I'm being forced to act 21. Please just listen to my problems I don't care if you think I'm being overly dramatic. please. I'm stranded on the internet looking on SOME form of help to the point where I wandered off to some online site to trauma dump, even though I will PROBABLY never even come back!. Sure I should be grateful that I have a 'family' sure there are people who has it worsts than me. I KNOW. I fucking know, I'm lazy and I don't try but just.. Hear me out, this all is for my mom. I can't say it straight to her because I'm afraid but.. I just wanna say I'm sorry I'm not like my siblings, I'm sorry I'm afraid of people I'm sorry I'm not good enough dammit. Im sorry I'm not like GENDIS or NAYLA. I'm sorry Im a picky eater I'm sorry im a dissapointment I'm sorry I cry easily. I'm sorry I'm a cry baby I'm sorry I don't have good grades I'm sorry that I'm crying writing this I'm sorry that dad left when I was born. It's probably my fault. I'm sorry im even here, I'm just a burden. I'm sorry to that I can't be perfect. I'm sorry that everything I do isn't good enough. I'm sorry for literally everything, I'm sorry... And for me. I'm sorry that I made so many God awful mistakes. I'm sorry I didn't try hard enough. I'm sorry I made our lives miserable, I'm sorry I trusted to many people I'm sorry I drove all our friends away I'm sorry I couldn't keep our promises I'm sorry I agreed to be his friend, I'm sorry I made you feel like shit. I'm sorry I hate you I'm sorry I dont like anything Im sorry I can't communicate with people im sorry that I'm a social train wreck I'm sorry I tried to hard because it was all in vain. I'm sorry that I even attempt. To try. I'm sorry I made us tired. I'm sorry for ruining us. I'm sorry I'm sorry I gave up on our hobbies I'm sorry Icant show mom or dad or sister or bro how much I love them I'm sorry I can't even do a single thing right without ruining it I'm sorry I can't even stay motivated for a thing.
