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Ca
Camilla P.
1y ago

I got harrased for doing my job. What should I do?

I’ve worked in a jewelry shop for half a year, and I’ve never imagined it could be unsafe! I like my workplace. It’s close to home, and it pays my rent. Most of our customers are women or couples, and my only focus all this time was to meet our sales goals for the month. I work with three other girls in shifts, all of them very young, 20 to 25. I’m 23, but I can easily be given 18, as I’m short and skinny. We were trained before about what to say, how to act and smile…

Yesterday it was my shift with one of the girls when this man came in. My colleague had another customer, so I went up to give my usual casual offer of help. It was obvious that the man was drunk, but he was well dressed and his first several questions were about our products. He was looking for a necklace, and he was pointing at the most expensive ones. I’m always a bit nervous when I show expensive pieces, we were taught how to show them so that it’s hard for customers to steal… So I do as I’ve been taught, and all the while the drunk man mumbles about needing to find a good enough gift for his wife, who has apparently found out about his lover. I was told never to react in any way to personal client’s information, and that’s what I did. Maybe I was too preoccupied with the products, maybe it showed on my face, I don’t know, but the man suddenly says, “What, you think that bitch did it on purpose? Yeah, yeah, she’s about your age…” I assume he was talking about his lover, and though it’s very unpleasant to be called names, I don’t react and keep looking at my colleague who is free by now to come and help me. But she just stands in the corner with a blank face. The man suddenly demands that I wear the necklace he has chosen because “he can’t choose between the two” and he “dreams to see it on my neck”. I was pretty freaked out at that moment, but I still tried to do my job and answered that it would be better if he invited his lady to our shop to see it on her. The man turned to my colleague and shouted if she thought it would be appropriate for me to try those on, and, to my horror, she nodded and came up to help me with the necklaces!!! All the while, I had to listen about how young and delicious we both were and that he’d ask us out if we gave him our phone numbers… The freaking man did buy one necklace in the end, it took another 10 minutes before he left, and I had to endure his jokes about my little glowing face while I had to pack his gift, and my colleague just left for other customers… I was so red in the face that I had to leave my workplace for 15 minutes to get my thoughts together. I wanted to scream at the girl I’m working with, but I can’t do it in front of customers and cameras!!! I told her all I thought about her behavior when I had a chance, but she only said it was my job to sell products and that the man came up to me in the first place because I was flirting with him – but that’s untrue! When I told this to my parents they both said leave the shop! I have my shift tomorrow again with another girl, and I don’t know what to do???

Specialist answer
Our free therapy courses to cope with harassment
Veena Choudhary
1y
Specialist

Hi,


an ideal workplace is where you are safe and there is a comfortable work environment. Sometimes you may encounter behaviours that makes you less comfortable like in your case behaviour of a customer. When you find yourself in such situations you need to pause and think if you can resolve it to enjoy your work place or can it not be resolved.


you need to initially assess the situation before deciding do you want to continue working or leaving. if you want to continue then you need to list down in the future how will you handle such situations

# can you report to someone

# can you walk out and let someone else handle

# can you handle it on your own by planning or implementing the response for such similar situations.


if you want to leave then you need to question:


Has such incidents happened previously?

How happy are you overall with the work?

what are positives of working at your work places and the negatives? list it down?

are pro's more than con's ? are con's manageable to let your work smoothly or its going to affect your daily work life.

how is your employer and colleagues?


answer all this to get a better understanding if you want to continue working or leaving your job.


just do what makes you happy.

Anna Salmina
1y
Specialist

It's difficult to face such situations at work, especially when you don't get support from your coworkers - I'm sorry you had to go through it. When working in retail, it's possible to meet different kinds of people, and some uncomfortable situations arise. However, it's your employer's obligation to provide a safe environment for their employees.

First thing I want to mention - consider talking with your manager about this and ask them if there is an anti-harassment policy. Perhaps some actions can be taken. Remember that your feeling of safety is most important here; without it, you can't be just as efficient.

Consider asking your other coworkers, apart from the one that witnessed the situation, if they had similar experiences. It's possible that their opinion would be more similar to yours, and you could talk to the manager together. At the very least, they might share their strategies to deal with this.

If you decide to stay, see if there is anything you can do in a similar situation - like calling security. You can also write everything down in detail, including time and date, what happened, possible witnesses, so you can report later.

There are also a couple of things you can do to calm yourself when dealing with customers that make you feel uncomfortable:

- Use a calming trick that can help you in the moment. For example, take a deep inhale for 4 seconds, hold it for 2 seconds, and exhale for another 4 seconds. You can also create a mantra that can help you in this moment, like "It's okay. It's going to pass."

- Try emotionally detaching by remembering that the customer is acting like this most likely because of his own issues like being displeased with something in his life, but not because of you.

If it goes too far and the customer is being dangerous, it's healthy to prioritize your safety and not stay in this situation. See if you can discuss with your manager any specific actions you can take, if you haven't already.

It's good that you decided to rest for 15 minutes before going back - situations like this must be emotionally draining, and taking breaks is important. You may use some grounding techniques during the breaks, for example, focusing for 5 minutes on each of your senses - what you see, hear, smell, feel, an taste.

If you experience a lot of anxiety and stress, consider talking to a counselor or a therapist. It can also be helpful to look at other job positions and even going on interviews, just to know that there are other options and you don't have to stay in an uncomfortable situation forever.

Ti
Tifflus xx Me
1y

You should feel safe at work. Report the incident to your management as soon as possible. You can give them some time and see how they react. If they make it clear that profits are more important to them than your safety, then I’d certainly quit and start looking for another job. In fact, you can start searching now. It’s always good to have plan B.

Ri
Rita
1y

I can’t say who acted worse – that man or your colleague. But I don’t think you should lose a job you generally like because of stupid people! I would ask to never work with that indifferent girl again, is it possible? You said there’re 3 other girls, so you can ask to be permanently put with someone else?

fr
fragile individual
1y

It’s really very sad that women often act like that. We should have each other’s backs instead of watching from a distance and finding excuses for drunk clients. Just for your safety, I’d recommend informing your boss and asking him to provide extra protection. I’m surprised you don’t have any kind of security?

Th
The_MD_Alister
1y

If your colleague acts so disrespectfully, it’s she who needs to leave. No monthly plans justify harassment at work, and you’re not paid to appease inadequate old men! Why on earth is it the policy of your shop to hire only young women? I’d consider it practical to have at least someone older you can turn to in such situations. It’s sad to think about it, but similar situations may happen again. What if next time your client is more aggressive?

ra
random coffee
1y

Please don’t believe that your duty to sell products is greater than your own dignity and self-esteem. You owe your clients nothing. It’s not your duty to smile, be attractive, or influence them in any way. You sell jewelry, and your task is to be professional and answer certain questions about your goods. Learn to say no. If you’re overly polite, some people will take it as a weakness. You can say no to any request you consider inappropriate, and you won’t break any work rules. If anyone is telling you otherwise, they’re insane, and you should run.

mr
mrsKnobbs
1y

When I was your age, it was hard for me to stand up for myself too. I was shy and respectful, and random men would frighten me with their unwanted attention. With experience, it gets easier, thankfully. I learned to be blatantly rude. In your place, I’d probably immediately say that I’d call my manager, and then I’d take all the necklaces away and get on the phone. I would also casually mention that we have cameras here and everything’s being recorded…

Lu
Lucia Martinez
1y

I’m sorry this happened to you! Unfortunately, harassment is a common problem, and retail is no exception. When I’m being bothered by strangers, I always say I’ll call my husband, or boyfriend, father, brother… Any man, literally. It sometimes helps, but I’m mad I even have to be doing it all. It’s so unfair that it’s usually women who suffer from such behavior!

re
reboot
1y

I’d like to say that your colleague was just afraid or didn’t know what to do, but the way she acted is surprising. I wonder if those are her personal opinions and she’s just greedy and willing to get a promotion, or do those ideas come from your professional training? Cause it really sounds like she’s ready to do lots of stuff, only to sell things at all costs. In this situation, her actions seem very offensive, and I advise you to complain to your superiors about it.

th
thomas
1y

This is toxic! Imagine you’d have to work there every day and expect anything from that girl! Next time she’ll dictate your personal information to anyone who just needs it to buy something? It’s so ridiculous and outrageous!! I’m honestly sorry about that dude, being drunk is not an excuse for saying what he said. Hopefully, he’s not a regular, and you won’t see him ever again. But your coworker needs to come to her senses!

Fe
Fergus MacWilliam
1y

When you work with people, you have to expect all kinds of negative scenarios. Is this your first job? I’m not sure how to reassure you about your current workplace, but I can tell you that things will hardly be different if you stay. You’ve got so many job opportunities, you can work with computers or work from home. Working with people is the worst.

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