Post
So
Soft cloud
1y ago

I have been feeling chronically alone.

It's been two years since I started university. I have just not been able to find my sort of people here. I prefer people who are passionate about what they are doing, conceptual with respect to their studies, ambitious and study stuff because they genuinely have the thirst for knowledge and not merely for getting good grades. I feel like the people I am around with now are extremely superficial. Caring too much about how they look or how many snaps they upload. I always feel drained whenever I have to be with them. I have found some people who don't respect my boundaries when I have clearly spoken out about how I don't want them to do it. I only have the same 6 people at most I talk to each day and they are also equally draining. I want to find someone else but I am finding it extremely difficult. I have also developed social anxiety to some extent because of which If I do leave these people, I'll just have no one to be with and it will make me even more anxious in social situations. I feel extremely alone and isolated and often try to not interact with anyone just to keep my peace of mind. I feel like these people are slowly making me forget who I am. I have been feeling mentally and physically drained during this course of time too. I feel like I am numb to everything. I don't feel excited by things I would have with before. Neither do I care if things go extremely wrong. I feel like if my life came crumbling down right now it's likely to some extent that I won't blink an eye because I just can't bring myself to care. Now everything feels like it's tuned down. I don't know what to do and am slowly losing hope. I just got my hair cut today and I don't feel anything about it. Previously, I would have been so excited to show it to people but this time nothing's happening. The only reason I even got them cut in the first place was beacuse I thought it would help me mentally. It didn't.

Specialist answer
Our free therapy courses to cope with loneliness
Dr. Elisabeth Jones
1y
Specialist

Hello!

Perhaps you feel like a black sheep in your social circle, which doesn’t seem to match you. But I’ve got good news for you: thanks to people surrounding you, you finally figured out who makes you feel comfortable, who’s the right person for you and who isn’t. Besides now you can clearly see what your true values and interests are. For example, you don’t really like people who care only about “the way they look and what pictures to post in social media”.

The most appropriate advice which can be given in your situation is to change your circle. Of course we realize that sometimes it can be impossible. Yet staying alone is not a good option either, because people belong to society and long for communication.

So what I suggest is to find a compromise. First, think of anyone from your circle who makes you feel comfortable while communicating. On the other hand, try to minimize contacts with those who don’t fit. Second, find something good in these people, something you can learn from them. Each person is unique and they definitely can teach you something. I doubt there are bad people around you. You cannot share the same values sometimes, yet there may be something good you can learn from them. This is step one.

The second step you should take is to try and find a group of people you feel comfortable with. You obviously have your own interests and hobbies. Look for like-minded people and start communicating with them at least online. Believe me, there are lots of people out there who share the same views, goals and interests with you. All you have to do is to find them!

st
stefan
1y

I understand you, it's very normal when one moves out and has to adjust with new people, adjustment is good but compelling yourself to be with the wrong people despite all the repetitive ugly behaviors, I'll suggest you to embrace your solitude your alone time your uniqueness for the perspective of knowledge, do what you feel is right and nit what society has set for you okay?!?!?

mi
miathermopolis
1y

LI learnt something in my college days and I guess I will remember this for the rest of my life, 1) being lonely is not bad until and unless you really want to be around people 2) If you really want to be around people, try to find different group of people for different task, life diff. circle for studies, diff. for sports, diff for partying etc , 3) make the n=best out of this life, we always have complains but we'll also be complaining when it ends and if we have a bucket full of regrets, so live it ; )

So
Soft cloud
1y
Author

@stefan hey! Thanks for taking time out to respond. It feels so liberating to finay hear someone say this cause all this time everyone just kept telling me, "Yes, it's difficult but you Have to still be social. Still make connections as it will be important in the years that will follow." But this was damaging me too much in the present for me to even care about what's to follow. I will definitely take this into consideration. Thanks again :))

So
Soft cloud
1y
Author

@miathermopolis Hey! Thank you for responding! The first point you mentioned really made me feel a lot lighter than before. I never understood why I had to be with people especially when I personally didn't ever feel the need to be. And, yes, second point helped too! Although, I think it will be draining for me to be around this many people and deal with so many different energies, I still believe I should definitely give this a try so I don't really have anything to lose here. Thanks again for helping out :))

An
Anonymous
1y

I completely agree with the previous comments. I will just say 'do you'! Trust me, there are so many different kinds of people. It's the best if you can keep the interest, the zeal in you to study/do whatever you want in your academics. Let other people be themselves. Maybe some people will tag along with you when they see how motivated you are for your interests. Or even if not, you'll end up having no regrets because you did your thing your way, and didn't change for anyone. Plus, I'm not saying don't maintain any connections. Do talk to the people you talk to, but set your boundaries. Know that you are enough!

mi
miathermopolis
1y

@Soft cloud Glad to help, have a great day

st
stefan
1y

@Soft cloud I am so happy I could make a difference , stay happy and blessed

Pa
Paarvati Narssh
1y

Every word that you wrote is exactly how I am feeling right now, I read the previous comments and I know that being alone is the best option but it is very difficult to do so when you have already been with certain people for an amount of time. Leaving them and answering all the others around as to what happened is just so more draining. Can someone pls help with this problem.

I need to start learning to be happy in my own company which I am sure that i will eventually be but right now it is so difficult to do that

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