hey el, jealousy can be really tough. it's like this monster that creeps up on you, making you feel less than. maybe try to flip the script a bit? instead of feeling bad about his good time at work, celebrate it with him. make his wins your wins too. it can create a positive vibe between you two. and don't forget to give yourself some love too. pamper yourself, even if it's just a small thing like a nice bubble bath or watching your favorite movie. you deserve to feel good about yourself, independent of him.
I can really sense your anxiety and concern in your words. It's tough when emotions get so intertwined with our relationships. I think one way to approach this is to reflect on what exactly is making you feel this way. Is it a fear of losing your boyfriend, or perhaps something deeper, like a lack of confidence in yourself? Understnding the root cause can help you address the symptoms more effectivly. It might be beneficial to keep a log of your feelings and what triggers them. Over time, you might notice patterns that can give you insight into your emotions. And don't underestimate the power of talking it out with a trusted friend or family member. They might offer perspectives you hadn't considered. Stay strong.
I understand how tough this must be for you. My sister went through something very similar a few years ago. She was also very emotionally attached to her boyfriend and it started affecting her everyday life. She would get extremely jealous if he spent time with his friends, especially female friends. It got to the point where she didn’t want to go out without him and started pulling away from her own friends and hobbies. She and her boyfriend had some conversations about their relationship. They talked about their feelings and what they both needed to feel secure and happy. This improved their communication and strengthened their relationship. Remember, it’s important to take care of yourself and have your own identity. It’s okay to feel attached to your partner, but it shouldn’t consume you.
@hahnraul800 Your sister's story sounds so easy. I am such a jealous type myself and it's not so easy. My last relationship didn't last long because of my jealousy. Every time my ex talked to someone else, I felt this burning feeling inside. I couldn't control it.
I would check his phone and social media all the time. I felt like I needed to know everything he was doing. It was exhausting for both of us. I remember one time he went out with his friends, and I couldn't sleep all night. I kept imagining all sorts of things. The next day, I confronted him, and it turned into a huge argument.
He told me he couldn't handle the constant jealousy. We tried to work it out, but it kept coming back. It was like a cycle we couldn't break. I wanted to trust him, but I couldn't stop myself. It got to a point where he couldn't even go to work without me feeling anxious. I knew it was too much, but I didn't know how to stop…
Eventually, he broke up with me. He said he needed space and couldn't deal with the constant accusations. I felt devastated, but I understood. It's just so hard to control these feelings.
I don't want to be like this, but it's like my mind plays tricks on me. How did your sister manage to change? Did she get any help?
@hahnraul800 Wow! thanks!
I can see how focusing on yourself and understanding the root cause of jealousy can make a difference. It's just hard to even start that process. Every time I try to think rationally about it, my emotions just take over. Did “Jane” ever have moments where she felt like she was making progress, but then something would happen, and she'd spiral back into those feelings? I feel like every little thing can set me off, and it's hard to break out of that cycle.
I think part of my problem is that I’ve always been this way, even before my last relationship. I remember being jealous of my friends' friends when I was younger. It's like I have this fear of being replaced or not being good enough. I've never really talked to anyone about it.
Also, how did “Jane” deal with her fears about her boyfriend cheating or leaving her? I know it sounds irrational, but those thoughts keep popping up in my head, and I can't seem to shake them off. It's like my mind automatically goes to the worst-case scenario, and I don't know how to stop that.
@hahnraul800 It's really comforting to hear that she had bad days but still managed to make progress.
I think I need to remind myself that it's okay to have bad days and that it doesn't mean I'm not improving. I like the idea of journaling to process my thoughts. Sometimes, I feel so overwhelmed that I can't even figure out why I'm feeling the way I do. Maybe writing it down would help me see things more clearly??
I think that having converstions with my partner could help, but I'm scared that I'll come across as too needy or insecure. How did she approach these conversations without making her boyfriend feel like he was walking on eggshells? I don’t want to push my partner away by constantly seeking reassurance, but I also need to feel secure in our relationship. It's such a delicate balnce.
@Go 😼 I get where you're coming from, and I'm sorry to hear about your struggles. My sister, let's call her Jane (not real name btw lmao), definitely didn't have an easy time dealing with her jealousy. It took a lot of work and self-reflection. After her boyfriend voiced his concerns, Jane realized how much her jealousy was affecting their relationship. She decided to seek help. She found a therapist who specialized in relationship issues. In therapy, Jane learned a lot about herself and her emotions. She discovered that her jealousy stemmed from her own insecurities and past experiences. The therapist helped her understand that her boyfriend's actions weren't the root cause of her feelings, but rather, her own fears were. Jane's therapist also taught her some coping mechanisms to deal with her jealousy. One technique was to challenge her negative thoughts. For example, when her boyfriend went out with friends, she would remind herself that he chose to be with her for a reason and that she needed to trust him. It wasn't easy, and there were times when she slipped back into old patterns. But with time, she got better at managing those feelings.
@Go 😼 Jane definitely had her setbacks. There were times when she felt like she was making progress, only to experience a trigger that would bring back those old feelings of jealousy and insecurity. During those moments, her therapist encouraged her to be patient with herself and recognize that healing isn't a linear process. It's important to acknowledge your progress, even if it's accompanied by occasional setbacks. One thing Jane found helpful was journaling. She would write down her feelings and thoughts, which allowed her to process them in a more structured way. It also helped her identify patterns and triggers, making it easier to address them in therapy.
Jane's boyfriend was incredibly supportive throughout the process. He understood that her jealousy wasn't about him but rather about her own fears. They had regular, open conversations about their feelings and boundaries. He made an effort to reassure her without enabling her jealousy. For instance, he would communicate his plans clearly and check in with her, but he also encouraged her to trust him and work on her own insecurities. This balance of support and independence was crucial in helping Jane feel secure in their relationship.
i totally get how ur feelin. it's super hard when u love some1 so much and u start to feel like ur whole world revolves around em. one thing that might help is just tryin to spend a lil more time on ur own, even if it's just a few mins. maybe u could pick up a fun hobby or binge watch a new show by urself? it might feel weird at first but over time u might start to feel a bit more like urself again. also, don't be too hard on urself for feelin jealous or scared. it's a sign that u care a lot, but it's also a sign that u might need to take a lil breather. hope this helps a bit! 😊
It's natural to want to be close to someone you care about, but it's important to maintain a balance. Try to focus on your own hobbies and interests. When you have your own activities that make you happy, it can help to reduce the dependency on your boyfriend. Think about what you loved to do before you were in this relationship and try to reintroduce those activities into your life. It might be tough at first, but gradually, you'll find joy in these activities again. And remember, it's okay to have your own space. It doesn't mean you love him any less; it just means you're also taking care of yourself.
just wanna say you're doing great by sharing your feelings. it's not easy to admit when things are tough. maybe you could try finding a new hobby or activity that you can do with friends or even by yourself. it could be anything, like painting, hiking, or even joining a local club. doing things that make you happy can help you feel more secure and less dependent on your boyfriend. and remember, it's totally okay to have fun and enjoy life without always being by his side. you're amazing on your own too!
Ell, it sounds like you're in a difficult situation and it's great that you're reaching out for support. One thing to consider is the importance of communication. Have you talked to your boyfriend about how you're feeling? Sometimes simply expressing your concerns can make a big difference. He might be able to reassure you in ways you hadn't considered. Also, it might help to set some boundaries for yourself. Perhaps decide on a certain amount of time each week where you focus solely on your own activities and interests. It can be empowering to have time dedicated to your own self-growth.
🌸 Hey Relationships can be really challenging, especially when feelings of jealousy and dependence come into play. Maybe you can try to find a way to share your feelings with your boyfriend without making it seem like an accusation. Let him know that you value his happiness at work and your own independence. Perhaps you can set some goals for yourself that don't involve him. It might be something simple like reading a book you've always wanted to read or signing up for a class that interests you. Finding joy in your own accomplishments might help balance out the feelings of dependence.
first and foremost, it's important to recognize that what you're feeling is valid. emotions can be very powerful and sometimes overwhelming, but acknowledging them is the first step towards understanding and managing them. it's great that you're reaching out for help, and that takes a lot of courage.
one thing to consider is the nature of your attachment. it sounds like it might be rooted in some deeper insecurities or fears. it's okay to feel scared sometimes, but it's also important to address where those feelings are coming from. are there specific experiences or thoughts that trigger these emotions?
try to communicate with your boyfriend about how you're feeling. honesty can often help strengthen a relationship. let him know that you're struggling with these feelings and that you're working on them. a supportive partner will want to help you through this.
it might also be helpful to spend some time reflecting on your own needs and desires outside of the relationship. what are the things that make you happy and fulfilled? invest time in hobbies or activities that you enjoy. this can help build your confidence and remind you of your own worth.
another important aspect is your social circle. it's great to have friends and spend time with them. sometimes, when we're too focused on one person, we can lose sight of the other important relationships in our lives. try to balance your time between your boyfriend and your friends. this can help reduce feelings of dependency.
don't be too hard on yourself. everyone has insecurities and fears. what's important is that you're working on them and trying to improve.
take time to do things that make you feel good about yourself. whether it's reading a book, taking a walk, or treating yourself to something nice, self-care is crucial.
try to challenge negative thoughts when they arise. if you catch yourself thinking "he's happier without me," question that thought. is it really true? or is it just a reflection of your insecurities?
it's also worth noting that jealousy is a common emotion. it doesn't make you a bad person. what's important is how you handle it. try to address it constructively rather than letting it control your actions
It’s so important to recognize how you’re feeling and seek advice. Sometimes, taking a step back to look at the big picture can help. Think about what you want for yourself in the long term. Do you want to feel more independent? If so, start setting small goals that help you move towards that independence. It could be something as simple as planning a solo outing that you enjoy. The more you practice being on your own, the more comfortable you'll become with it. And don't be too hard on yourself; growth takes time.
Hi,
Thank you for sharing this. Jealousy is a complicated feeling that can involve different emotions such as anger, fear, and sadness at the same time. Usually, this feeling give us a signal that we might lose something important to us. In this case, it's a relationship. However, sometimes we get preoccupied with this feeling without having evidence of our partner being unfaithful. There can be multiple reasons for this. Perhaps, earlier in life, significant people (for example, our parents) didn't provide us with a constant feeling of love. Or we had traumatic experiences with previous partners such as rejection, betrayal, or just emotional unavailability. All of it can contribute to an anxious attachment style and make it hard to trust our partners when we're in a relationship. Other things that can lie behind unhealthy attachment and jealousy are lack of self-confidence or lack of inner and outer supports in other areas of life (such as other relationships including one with ourselves, hobbies, professional life, etc.)
It can help to reflect on what it is for you in order to understand what to do next.
You can start learning more about yourself by noticing what makes you feel jealous. When you start feeling this way, write down your thoughts in a notebook or on your phone. This will help you see patterns later. For example, you might notice thoughts like "He's going to leave me" or "I'm not good enough." Ask yourself if these thoughts match what's really happening (like if you actually see signs that they'll leave or that you're not good enough) or if they come from bad things that happened to you in the past.
Seeing how your past experiences and your jealous feelings are connected can help you understand that it's not your fault. It can also show you that these feelings might not mean your current partner will really leave you. Accepting and understanding your feelings can help you be kinder to yourself and handle them better. You can try reassuring yourself by thinking about facts that show your partner is being faithful (like if they've never cheated before).
Another good way to handle jealousy and build trust is to have an open and honest talk with your partner about your feelings. Try telling them how you feel without blaming them. For example, you could say, "I've been feeling jealous lately, and I know it's not because of anything you did. It's something I'm dealing with from things that happened to me before. I'm working on it, but I wanted to be honest with you about how I'm feeling." You can also ask them what they think and feel about this, and look for solutions together. This could be agreeing on boundaries for your relationship, spending more quality time together, or finding ways to make each other feel more secure.
It's also important to understand that when we rely too heavily on one person for all our emotional needs, we put ourselves in a vulnerable position. So in order to decrease the dependency, it can help to find multiple sources of fulfillment and support.
Let's break it down into 4 areas:
1. Self-connection. This is all about nurturing your relationship with yourself. Start by jotting down things you appreciate about yourself. It could be anything from "I make a good omelette" to "I'm always there for my friends." If you're struggling, ask a family member or close friend what they value in you.
Try this: put on your favorite playlist and have a little dance party on your own. Pay attention to how your body moves, how the music makes you feel. This can be a powerful way to reconnect with yourself.
Also, think about your personal dreams and values. What matters to you, independently of your partner? Where do you see yourself 5 years from now? What are your biggest dreams? Write these down too.
2. Hobbies and interests. Ask yourself what you enjoyed before the relationship or think about trying something completely new. For example, if you've always been curious about making art, maybe it's time to sign up for a class. The goal isn't to become a master at something overnight but to find activities that bring you joy and a sense of accomplishment.
3. Social connections. Think if there are other people in your life who can give you love, support, or that you can spend quality time with. It might help to reconnect with some old friends or make new ones - for example, you can meet new people in classes if you decide to try something new.
4. Professional growth. Your career can be a great source of personal fulfillment. Think about where you'd like to be professionally in a year or five years. Maybe there are skills you'd like to develop, an online course you could take, or a book you've been meaning to read. Finding ways to express yourself through your work can also be incredibly rewarding. If you don't work right now, you can think about expressing yourself through hobbies. This can also really boost your self-esteem.
Remember that it's normal to be attached to your partner, even to be emotionally dependent on them to some extent. And it's possible to transform unhealthy attachment into healthy one with time and effort.
If you find it hard to deal with jealousy and attachment issues on your own, I recommend reaching to a therapist that works with this. For example, you can find one that practices dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) - it's an approach that can help you address trust issues, understand your triggers, emotions, and relationships better, and learn how to manage your emotions, including jealousy. Another approach is attachment-based therapy, which can help you understand your attachment style, work through your fears and feel safer in relationships. No matter what you choose, it's important to be patient with yourself. You already made a big step by reaching out. You've got this!
Hi,
We get emotionally attached to a person in a unhealthy way due to various reasons :
These questions will make you aware of why are you so attached to him and how you can start finding an alternatives to keep yourself happy and not be clingy with him for those.