I started self-harming at a young age, since then I've learned to disguise it well. It became easy to lie about the scars and bruises, to hide them until they look healed, it's all part of the routine now.
While I also can restrain myself pretty well, I chose continue doing it in moderation after a year streak without selfharm for the reason of me sometimes becoming so emotionally numb only some sharp self-induced physical pain would finally let me cry.
I want someone to know what I've been going through, but I don't want to tell them. Masking my mental health issues became inseparable from my understanding of relationships, can't even imagine having a conversation about it.
I also want you to know that I can't afford therapy, never been there, don't know what it's like. I am well aware that I probably have severe depression and other issues that require medical treatment, but It's pointless without consistent therapy sessions.
Thanks to everyone who read through this, I hope you're doing okay.
