Regret eating me

I feel totally miserable now a days. I ve been doing my civil service examination from 2020 may until september I was Preparing for my examination in a way good manner but suddenly I came to know my best friend eloped with her boyfriend and as I was her roommate for 3 year of college life and her best friend her parents gave my number to police for enquiry and this became a big fuss in my family. My mom asked abt her status before this incident happened as is she dating any one but I lied to my mom that this she is not. When this incident happened no one believed me in my home expect my brother they were so harsh to me. This made me to became a phone and drama series addict which I was in good control of my screen time. I wasted my whole 2 years and lost my trust any one. I started to skip classes and that too its online classes because of covid and started to lie to my parents which I have never done before and I regret till this day for that. I really tried and lost my hope in studies as i did not attend any classes. I even cried at 2 am sitting in my bed that I lost my everything in my life my Opportunity for my dream. But again I rejoined my class even though my boy friend asked me to study for some other job. I started to go offline class regularly staying in hostel but then I got sick frequently for many reasons one after another. This made me to start again again from 0 then again I became phone addict because of this which still now Iam suffering from. I know these are pure excuses but still Iam doing this and in my mind hoping that I want to study but still me with my phone. I totally got changed my character and from being little bit of me a extrovert now I totally became an introvert that now most of the time I hate if some one or even my own mom in a same room in as me. But still no one gets and understand me that i got changed. Still my parents telling me that Iam irresponsible even for simple small things they are harsh at me it makes me totally stress when i come home from hostel. These days I feel lonely frequently or almost every time. But I also wish to be alone. I came to conclusion that i need help from others for my mental health but I dont want to say this to any one including my family. I need to be productive in my life. I just want to be happy and I need my old me which I was in my school days doing everything, being productive reading and enjoying reading books good at everything i do atleast mind to try anything, hard working. I really just want me really bad. Its killing me too bad thag iam going through this. I tried to do list and schedule every possible ways but iam not consistent in anything but my phone.

I just hope someone can help me from this dark room i really hope and really badly need my life successful with carrer 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼