I cheated

Hlo everyone... reading this...I know u all gonna shout at me for what i did n i know that i did wrong bt i don't know why i did this...

I created a fake profile n pay an online girl to share her n***s with me online...i was okay with itt because i thought my gf won't know about it anyway. Bt somehow she got that hint and catches me....n during that time i didn't lied.....i accepted .....the reason i was delivering to this this....was.....i did cuz i need physical relationship n s*x n u r not that much involved with me .....but in real we r physically involved 2nd base ....bt still i wasn't satisfied n that's why i did....

I believe that ..i did wrong....n the worst any boy can do......bt i still want to be with that girl ...my girl...🥺.....

She says....that i only want attention, physical relation and someone to love me.....it doesn't matter whois with me...

I don't know whether i feel the same or not....bt what i feel is....i want ro be with my girl....n m really alone form inside......i just watch a lot of p**n during my free time when i feel alone n stare on my girl pictures....it feels like...she is standing in front of me...i talk with her....say sorry....bt i didn't get any reply......i don't know what to do.....

I don't know how to treat her.....how to make her feel special......she says...m the worst guy... anyone can have....n the girl who gonna be with me in future will get depressed... either she goona kill me...or kill herself.....