Hi I'm, well I can't tell my name, but I'm thirteen (almost) and I have been struggling a lot since I hit puberty a couple years ago. I didn't even know what it was at first but I started to learn more n more about mental health problems, therapy (u see I'm an Indian so I never rlly knew what therapy was) body image issues and a lot more. I started watching a lotta positive videos and tried so hard to motivate myself to become like them then I stopped cos I felt like it was just a waste of time but now I finally feel a little more comfortable in my body. in the beginning when I started getting panic attacks (cos I was a dumbass n didn't know what was happening to me) I would go to my mom wouldn't rlly tell her the correct reason but ask her to comfort me. It worked kinda cos at that time I didn't rlly know what I needed but she was always telling me it was my fault n I shud be more flexible and adjusting n I get that it'll help me in the future but right now it's tooo much preparing myself for the future that I can't enjoy my present. I rarely stand up for myself so.... what I need is someone to confide it not someone who's constantly correcting me. nowadays I still try to talk to my mom but uh it's kinda rough. N well whenever she's in the room n I ask her to go out cos I wanna change she asks me I'm ur mom it's ok n then yesterday I finally told her that ur too judgemental in a funny way but she kinda kinda took it in the harsh way. And she used to even cry to me about her problems n how much of one I am to her and I didn't realise how fucking much that hurt me so now if she cries to me I just kinda ignore her unlike past me who used to drown myself in guilt. A couple months ago life was feeling like I was thriving but now it isn't bad but it's not good either it's like I'm barely surviving but I gotta keep swimming cos the shores still very far. it's still the beginning of what I think is gonna be a very long journey but I feel like I'm hitting a milestone now. Cos like I feel a Lil more comfy in my body n it makes me soooo happy n I wanna celebrate but I can't cos what I want to celebrate is always gonna stay a desire. I see so many yt'ers n they talk about their teenage n how they were miserable n then how they r thriving now. Yes it's inspiring for many people but for people like me we rlly need ppl who we can rlly relate to who barely have happiness in their lives. U see I have an aunt n she the most toxic fucking bitch I have ever known n will ever know...n I fucking live with her. So happiness is rare n only found with friends which is a whole another topic for tomorrow also thank you app for letting me have someone or rather something to actually share stuff to

hi. i am 21(m) and my girlfriend is 20(f). i am in a relationship for over a year now. everything was just as i expected from the beginning. but since the last 5-6 months, things started to go down real quick. i feel like a lot of things have changed in both our lives. both of us dont have a normal lifestyle. we both are living a life that people wont prefer living. but i think the main reason of all the problems is the long distance. i am studying in a different city, as we are indians, we are not allowed to go into a living relationship. i know the society is conservative. still i wanna work things out. but nothing changes.

i dont know why she just stopped being nice to me. in face her behavior is always rude. she doesnt like spending time with me anymore. i always think that she is into someone else but i cant jump into conclusions right? she finds me annoying. no matter what i do, she doesnt feel happy about it. i give efforts, a lot infact. she doesnt. she has stopped giving fucks about me and its been a long time now. i cant even leave her as i love her so much. she is the girl of my dreams. and she cant leave me either because her family likes me now.

her behavior is, in short, toxic. she never speaks like a normal girl. she is either screaming or abusing me. but when i raise my voice, i become a victim of the feminist movement. "you cant talk to a girl like that". when she does that, its always "you go queen" drama. she doesnt give a fuck even if i dont contact her for days. she doesnt call me or text me in the first place. whenever i call her, she sounds irritated just by hearing my voice whereas i am the one dying to talk to her.

i live alone and i have no friends. i am diagnosed with schizophrenia. its hard for me to even maintain sane behavior at times and it feels like shes being a burden. she is not the girl i fell in love with. she is not the girl she was last year. she is just so different. she was my last resort to escape the daily circus of this shitty world. she was my shelter. now all she does is fuck me up, fuck my mental health up. she has become narcissist. she is always like "i dont give a fuck about what happens to you unless it affects me.". i dont know why shes doing such things but yeah, its hard, specially when it comes from the person whom you love the most and the only person you talk with.

i dont know if im ever gonna come back to this site but i had to get my head clear. bye

I used to see one of my colleagues. This was the first time I had ever been in a same-sex relationship and it was difficult for me to continue so I had broken up. A month and a half later we were assigned on a project together and we were forced to become room mates. Given the past we had, it was rather awkward until both of us sat and a clear conversation. They told me that it was just a fling and they were indeed straight and didn't have any feelings for me so it was okay for me to be normal with her. One thing led to another and we were crossing the boundaries of normal friends, a lot cuddling ensued and flirting. There were even times they had pushed me against the wall and threatened to kiss me. I took it in good fun because we used to do this before. Until one night we were cuddling and and they told that they still loved me.

Cut to one night they were about to kiss me until I moved away, and then they dared me that i'll never be able to kiss them because I am too arrogant. In that moment of weakness I kissed them, and immediately regretted it. they saw the regret on my face and kissed and told now we are even. since they kissed me unceremoniously a couple of times. they are someone I can't say no to. Later part of the tour I gave in to my temptation but had repeatedly asked them if they were sure. I distinctively asked them that because I didn't want them to hurt again. We were in cloud nine having the best time of our lives. The tour ended we came to our respective homes, which is very far by the way. Suddenly their texts went dry and I didn't like it. Thus, I confronted them and they said this is not the right time and we should break up but lets be friends.

My problem here is we were very good friends and they were the one who instigated the whole thing, I had asked them repeatedly because I knew I was emotionally invested in them. We were about to make love and I had asked them, 'are you sure you won't regret it?'. They said no and they said they loved me. Just after a week of intense lovemaking they suddenly became unsure about their intentions. now they expect me to be the responsible adult and deal with it while being good friends with them.

the worst part I believe is that they gave me numerous bullshit reasons, which make no sense and that they wanna be with me but can't because this is not the right time.

Hi

I know even if I or those in this journey write a thousand post it won't be enough to share the whole experience and ongoing journey but here i am trying to find people who can truly understand.

So I am 20 now . So after few years of self harming and thinking about my childhood abuse and experiencing that again when I was 16 i thought I won't die like this yes I will one day but not before giving back to my parents. Fast forward to my first psychiatrist he diagnosed me with major depressive disorder and i experienced hallucinations like those things inside my head or things i could feel now became real and I got worst then i had to drop out for a year. Few mons after the new doctor said it's bipolar just take antidepressants and lithium you would be fine well guess what I wasn't getting better I was numb and emotionally blocked then few mons after they also said just continue your medications it's normal but I felt horrible like it was better to feel than be numb after that i went to study outside my hometown and got in touch with the best doctor of my life she help me till last year I was constantly changing meds but it worked and then my system crashed my body couldn't take any more of lithium or its substitute I had bad tremors so I got scared cause i was never good in anything else than studies cause I never invested time on anything else so I was afraid of not being able to hold my pen like sure after 10th I never studied like I used too or couldn't but that is my only option of a better future I don't wanna be a housewife so i stopped my meds I am preparing for neet medical entrance exam in India this is the first year I could study yes I have fallouts days i feel unproductive days i wanna scroll my phone whole day days but I am trying even if it is only one step I am not afraid of failure anymore and my lord is with me helping me take it.

Sorry for making it so long and thank you for reading it

. But I am proud for even if it is the first step .