Hi

I know even if I or those in this journey write a thousand post it won't be enough to share the whole experience and ongoing journey but here i am trying to find people who can truly understand.

So I am 20 now . So after few years of self harming and thinking about my childhood abuse and experiencing that again when I was 16 i thought I won't die like this yes I will one day but not before giving back to my parents. Fast forward to my first psychiatrist he diagnosed me with major depressive disorder and i experienced hallucinations like those things inside my head or things i could feel now became real and I got worst then i had to drop out for a year. Few mons after the new doctor said it's bipolar just take antidepressants and lithium you would be fine well guess what I wasn't getting better I was numb and emotionally blocked then few mons after they also said just continue your medications it's normal but I felt horrible like it was better to feel than be numb after that i went to study outside my hometown and got in touch with the best doctor of my life she help me till last year I was constantly changing meds but it worked and then my system crashed my body couldn't take any more of lithium or its substitute I had bad tremors so I got scared cause i was never good in anything else than studies cause I never invested time on anything else so I was afraid of not being able to hold my pen like sure after 10th I never studied like I used too or couldn't but that is my only option of a better future I don't wanna be a housewife so i stopped my meds I am preparing for neet medical entrance exam in India this is the first year I could study yes I have fallouts days i feel unproductive days i wanna scroll my phone whole day days but I am trying even if it is only one step I am not afraid of failure anymore and my lord is with me helping me take it.

Sorry for making it so long and thank you for reading it

. But I am proud for even if it is the first step .

Never thought I'd want to discuss my private life on a public app, but here we go.

I’m male, 32 years old, successful in my career, and live with my 34-year-old partner. We’re in a tough spot right now, we’ve been together for 2 years, and I feel it’s time for some serious commitment. I want a family (perhaps am not that much excited about the wedding tumult, do not mind making it official though). My partner wants to have kids, and she says her biological clock is ticking. We’ve been tiptoeing around this topic for months, and the more pressured I feel, the less rational it all seems.

I value my carefree life, working from home, the fact that we can go on vacations anywhere we want at any time. I don’t even think my partner is ready to babysit around the clock. It’s just her version of an ideal family (she has two sisters). Can it be that being the only child made me a bit self-centered?

I begin to wonder if we’re not suited for each other. Is it even possible to find a child-free partner at my age? I’m curious about similar experiences with spouses who didn’t want kids, or may be who changed their mind when they did have kids. Thanks in advance!

My body is exhausted, my mind is foggy, and my heart feels heavy. I wake up every morning around 5am feeling like I've been hit by a truck. I'm 30, but some days I feel like I've not lived at all. Living with PTSD has made every day a battle, I struggle to just hold on and keep going. The trauma from my past haunts me every waking moment. The memories creep into my thoughts when I least expect it, triggering anxiety and panic attacks, especially in the morning. I'm constantly on edge, waiting for the next nightmare to come to life while I’m having morning toast with coffee. Trusting people I want to get close to feels impossible, and I'm always second-guessing their intentions. It's like I'm living in a never-ending nightmare of family abuse, and there's no escape. The nights are the worst. My stepfather used sleep deprivation as a form of punishment, and I have crippling insomnia reminding me of those horrible days when I slept for two hours each night. Sleep is a luxury and my worst enemy. I toss and turn, haunted by nightmares and flashbacks that leave me drenched in sweat and gasping for air. I can't sleep for more than 3-4 hours, and even that is plagued by restlessness and fear. The exhaustion weighs me down, making it even harder to face the day ahead. I've tried therapy and medication, but it's been impossible to find the right support. It feels like I'm fighting this battle alone, with no end in sight. I can’t even sleep with someone in the same room, and I’ll never be able to share a bed with another person. The constant fatigue and sleep deprivation only make it harder to cope with my symptoms. If I could get at least a week's worth of decent sleep, I think most of my symptoms would get better. How do I break free from this?

I spend all my days on TikTok and I think it's making me stupid. I can't focus on anything else. I don't read books anymore. I don't even watch TV shows or movies. It's just TikTok, all day, every day. I wake up and the first thing I do is open TikTok. I scroll for hours. Sometimes I forget to eat. I don't get any work done. My room is a mess. I don't even hang out with my friends anymore. I just sit in my room and watch TikTok.