Hey

I'm 20 years old and recently found out I'm diagnosed with depression and anxiety

Never thought I will attach myself with this big terms

Now when I found out that I am depressed nothing make sense ,constant hopelessness, feeling guilty , can't experience what joy or pleasure looks like idk if i ever felt happy anyway

I remember being in relationship and the only why I have been in relationships is not love i understood all i ever wanted was to be seen to be heard and idk If I even loved my ex's I just wanted to be loved

I thought I just have to keep going everyone is feeling same but most of the time I use to notice everyone have a motivation which I don't have

So I forced myself to work hard in my school in my clg and finally got the job which I worked so hard for but idk why I'm not happy anymore.

The real problem is now when I experienced failure multiple times I don't want to work anymore I feel like it's better like this then to work hard and to get fail because I failed so many times in my life didn't got the collage I worked hard for ,my boyfriend broke up with me because he found a good replacement in a week and I got replaced by someone i invested so much in but though I am okay with that after sometime

So now I'm ruining everything not ruining , ruined everything and still I don't feel a thing

But somedays it gets loud and so loud that idk how to keep going like this

I m so scared of failing that I am giving up on my dreams and I don't want to but I don't even know how to keep going

The things is I don't even feel like ending my life I like this I am fine where I am I feel fine this became my normal

I recently gone through a breakup and that left me with a lot of questions that am I not pretty enough or am I not enough

Ik it's all gone and done but it's hard to get over betrayal by your fav person and that too after 2.5 years of investment in them where they don't believe in you now

They left me with self doubt and

I feel like not included unwanted unloved

Sometimes i wonder and regret to get into this relationship but ik it doesn't matter anymore because it's all in the past but i can't get my mind off from things .

He lives in my neighborhood so i have to face him and his new her . I never talked to them but he left it on such note where I don't want to see him . it's hard to watch them together idk why people do that making someone feel like that.

Ik I'm overthinking it but its already been 6 months of my breakup and I'm still stuck

I have this job which I always dreamed off and now I'm dobuting it that am I going to achieve it . I lost some weight because I don't feel like eating somedays and ik it's unhealthy but idk what to do I can't study i can't focus because of him I lost some of my friends because we use to have common friends and now they are good friends of him and mine too they are nice but i can't blame them for anything they tried from there end to be friends with me but I don't want to put them in such spot so i maintain my distance.

Ik everything is in past now and do understand i can't do anything I can't change anyone or any situation but still idk why I'm not giving up on that thoughts

He ruined everything for me and ik it's wrong to blame him for everything because it's not his problem it's mine

At this point I shouldn't be worring about all this and should be focusing on my career it's crucial year for me

idk what to do honestly I have to give up now i have to stop now

Plz help

hello there,

i am a creator who posts online and i started to gain more followers recently (but i'm not that famous at all it's just enough for me!) and there is a girl that few times tried to take the spotlight from me, i don't want it to sound narcissistic, it's just that it gives me bad vibes, for me it's a form of jealousy:

earlier a celebrity made a contest for anyone to participate.

this girl who is a creator like me won it, i was genuinely happy for her! she deserved, what she created was really good!

we all thought it would have one winner but later this celebrity chose a second winner, me?!? tbh i wasn't believing it. this girl and i were both hyping each other up.

but then the celebrity followed me, he also interacted a lot with me and my creations, and!!! he even asked under my own post, to make an other thing for him, everyone saw it was directed to me, they congratulated me and were expecting my work.

and then guess who didn't stay in her lane? this girl. she was contacting him to take the opportunity given to me, she was like "look i did what you asked for, i really hope i will be choosen" girl it's not a contest it's a personal commission this time? and the fact she already had her moment of fame and she is a CREATOR makes me even more confused, like why do you need to steal. but i stayed silent because idk seems like people online didn't react to this weird move...

tbh it started to make me really anxious because it's not the first time a person seeing i'm winning with my creations is trying to take it from me and erase me.

then i realized it was actually not the first time she tried to squeeze herself in my business. by the past i saw online she tried to talk like me, when someone asked me something she replied under things like "i can do it!", one time she wanted to make a collab with me but i understood later it was probably to get the attention of the celebrity because since he was following me she could get noticed too. i work on a concept, guess who suddenly works on it. more recently i saw her irl at an event i worked hard for, she tried to present her stuff too (i mean i think it's ok to promote yourself but since it's her i didn't see it the same way) when i was talking she was repeating the same sentence right after, tried to make the same moves as me when there was music to dance on, but not in a "yey let's go flashmob" way but more in a i "will become you" way.

about the opportunity it was cancelled because i have been attacked by jealous fans and i had to close my acc, the celebrity have choosen to stop everything and i won't be mad at him.

but even in this moment she showed some weird behaviors, while everyone was trying to defend me and send me words of support, she was bragging online "what did y'all do that to MY friend, i will send her msgs everyone don't worry" as if she was the hero of the situation or my bestest friend, while in private she didn't reach out until days.

she finally sent a msg, but it wasn't to ask how i was but to say "i'm kinda frustrated this means we will not have opportunities with this celebrity anymore" how selfish and greedy.

it's kinda hard to confront a person about this copy paste behavior so i just try to limitate my interactions with her but this injustice makes me really nervous, what if in the future she win by cheating?

how would you have handled this situation?

Tbh idk what's wrong with me. I used to love school, I had so many friends, and everyone loved me. My family used to understand me.

But after since lockdown got over, and schools started, I haven't been the same. The first month of school was okay. I don't remember when, but I hate going to school now, everyone has started to hate me, ppl act like I don't even exist.

The school gave me anxiety, yes. My hands and feet turn cold, I can't breathe and everything. The past year my sister who is a hydrocephalus patient, went through the same thing in November. my parents did everything they could. But, I went through this last August ( and I still am). I didn't even tell my parents about it and got counselled in my school and stuff. That didn't help me but I acted like it did.

It's been a year, I opened up to my mom a few days ago, and she said she doesn't want to go through the same thing that she went through with my sister all over again. She said I am running away from school and making up things.

I feel like my parents, that they think that I can do everything alone. But I can't I need some help.

I feel like ending my life because I am of no use to anyone.

I want to cry all the time. And sometimes when I cry, I cry so much that not a single amount of energy is left in my body. I can't take it anymore.

I am not able to keep up with school, while all my classmates can. I am behind everyone and everything. I wish to die.

Sometimes I wish I could get cancer or something so that I could get a little more attention. I am so confused rn. I can't seem to stop crying while writing all this.