Hey
I'm 20 years old and recently found out I'm diagnosed with depression and anxiety
Never thought I will attach myself with this big terms
Now when I found out that I am depressed nothing make sense ,constant hopelessness, feeling guilty , can't experience what joy or pleasure looks like idk if i ever felt happy anyway
I remember being in relationship and the only why I have been in relationships is not love i understood all i ever wanted was to be seen to be heard and idk If I even loved my ex's I just wanted to be loved
I thought I just have to keep going everyone is feeling same but most of the time I use to notice everyone have a motivation which I don't have
So I forced myself to work hard in my school in my clg and finally got the job which I worked so hard for but idk why I'm not happy anymore.
The real problem is now when I experienced failure multiple times I don't want to work anymore I feel like it's better like this then to work hard and to get fail because I failed so many times in my life didn't got the collage I worked hard for ,my boyfriend broke up with me because he found a good replacement in a week and I got replaced by someone i invested so much in but though I am okay with that after sometime
So now I'm ruining everything not ruining , ruined everything and still I don't feel a thing
But somedays it gets loud and so loud that idk how to keep going like this
I m so scared of failing that I am giving up on my dreams and I don't want to but I don't even know how to keep going
The things is I don't even feel like ending my life I like this I am fine where I am I feel fine this became my normal
