It’s OK not to be a perfect parent. None of us are. You can try to meet your son halfway. Allow him some things that he wants, and explain why the rest worries you. Tell him you’ll change your attitude and will support him, once he proves that his plans work. And keep to your word.
You shouldn’t put your child in a box. At this gentle age, your son will feel only resentment, if you try to force him do things. Teenagehood is a difficult time, and not only for parents… You’d get more out of the situation if you tried to be guiding your son but unobtrusively. Do not tell him what he must do. Explain why you think what you think. Make compromises. For example, show genuine interest in his blogging hobby, but ask him to continue his education. Try to be his friend, instead of a strict parent.
My father always tries to control where and with whom I am, though I’m almost 17. I may sometimes say that I hate him too. But I don’t really mean it. I know he cares about me. Your son doesn’t mean it too.
Like you say, shouting never helps. First of all, don’t hesitate to admit that you’re sometimes too quick to judge. Perhaps not an outright apology, but showing your vulnerability and worry will be enough to start a calm and mature conversation with your son. Show him you need his help in understanding his needs. Let him teach you about blogging, and about computer games. Try to lecture your son less, and just be with him. Trying to make your son feel guilty will only make things worse. What you want now is a relationship based on trust and respect, so that he doesn’t keep too many secrets from you, thinking you’re the parent who “doesn’t understand”. Talking A LOT, and listening to your son a lot, will be your best strategy now. I assure you, you can fix this.
While I don’t approve of weed, and prefer coffee to beer, I can’t see what you have against computer games? Most boys love them. It’s a common pastime among teenagers, playing computer games together after school. It sounds a bit like your child doesn’t meet your expectations, and you’re showing it in the least helpful manner. If you ensure that your son has various hobbies and extracurricular activities, he’ll spend more time doing exciting stuff.
Why not kill two birds with one stone? If your son is busy blogging in his free time, he won’t have time for fooling around with those boys you dislike. There’s nothing wrong about blogging. In fact, a lot of successful bloggers make good money!
The father of your child is a smart guy! He has found an approach to his son. And so can you. If you simply forbid your son to do what he wants, he’ll only feel rebellious and misunderstood. Instead, you can give him some independence in the form of choices, but make these choices healthy. Allow him to start blogging right now, after school, and see how it goes, tell him that if he succeeds, you’ll think about his future together. Tell him you’ll be following his progress with interest, and you’ll support him. Read about blogging, to bond with your kid better.
Be kind to yourself. We learn from our mistakes. You haven’t ruined anything. You’re allowed to mess up. The fact that you acknowledge it all is a big deal. You can start changing. You can admit that you don’t know everything and ask for help. Ask your son to help you be his friend. You love him, and that’s the most important part. You’ll figure it out together!
Please forgive my bluntness, but at fourteen you can’t choose friends for your son. He’s not a kid anymore. You may only point out what’s wrong with his current friends, and let him make decisions. Maybe encourage him to spend more time with friends who are a better influence.
My parents were very strict. Sometimes I thought I hated them. But now I know I love them quite a lot. My childhood was happy and safe, and discipline or home rules did not ruin my life. So follow your instincts as a mother. If you think your son’s pals are a bad influence on him, you can put a stop to it. You are his parent. Just do it lovingly, and remind your son every step of the way how dear he is to you.
It's is obvious as a mother you will be concerned for your child. But when concern becomes control then it is a problem. things like you are critical about his friends, i am against him going to another school. When you say no then he would take the position of chronic defensiveness. Your child will fight for his freedom and that is actually normal developmental response on his part. Your child gets so caught up in defending and fighting that his energy goes waste in this rather than thinking about good choices for himself.
Question yourself: * write down what will happen if he takes up blogging? as you say you are unaware try educating yourself about it or talk to your son asking him to explain it to you.
answer all this to understand what do you want and the reasons you have given for each question is valid or your assumptions as a mother than you know what is right for him and he doesn't. Think why are you telling him no. If there are valid reason sit down and explain him in a calm, composed way. arguments are futile it will only create barriers in relationship.
You need to think about what mistakes you have made in your life and what have you learned from that. Give him various validating reasons but later empower him to make his own decision because that will make him feel independent, it will give him the strong urge to stick to his decision and work towards it and face any problems if they arise. By allowing our children to choose for themselves we can more adequately support them. we can just go hug them when they fail and applaud them when they get back up and keep going. But if you make decision for him he will be unhappy as he will not see good or bad but he will just see that my decision was not respected or accepted. When he makes his own decision he will work harder to strive excellence. he will not give up that easily.
Listen to his reasons without being judgemental. Just because you cant make a decision for child doesn't mean you stop parenting them. It is completely appropriate and necessary to discuss our concern with our kids and ask their opinion. Then feel free to just voice few options which he can or wants to do if you feel he is not equipped enough to handle for that age. but remember barring breaking the law or endangering lives other than this you should let your child have pleanty of chances to learn ,to fail. If by chance he fails also don't try lecturing him see i told you. this will weaken him to make decisions in future rather reach out to him with kindness, shoulder to cry on and sharing a story of similar failure experienced.
Always pause before being impulsive as that will only lead to constant arguments. while you are paying attention to your impulsive thoughts and fear that is shouting loudly in your head: will my child's future get spoiled, what he will do in future then? it is time to stop being held hostage by these impulsive thoughts and fear. Instead pause to consider better options or atleast explore few more options like why not let him do it that way at least for a while?
Letting go sometimes and allowing your child the freedom to make some decisions can be good for his own independence. Take steps to raise mentally strong child who is prepared to face life's challenges on their own.