Hi, Tabita. You’re not a bad person. It seems like you are struggling with an addiction. Do you know when it started? What was the first thing you stole? And can you say why you’re doing it, what’s in it for you?
When I was 16, I used to be addicted to shoplifting. I coped with it through individual therapy within a year. You need to use whatever types of therapy are available to you, including anonymous meetings if needed. If you keep stealing from friends or acquaintances, your life will become miserable. You won’t be invited to any house, you’ll be shunned. I assure you you can stop! You need to start somewhere. This addiction is not worth ruining your life. Listen to your dad; he does it with best intentions
Think: if that girl from your school is going to the same meetings, that means she did something wrong, like you. You’ll know about it. Why would she reveal herself by telling everyone about you? I think you’ll both keep the secret between you. Don’t be afraid. You should certainly ask to see a school counselor too. Though I believe that ideally your parents should find an addiction specialist, as they’re better trained to prove help with these issues.
Lindsay Lohan paid a huge sum of money in order not to go to jail, so don’t think she faced no consequences. You should know that they have cameras in big shops, and at least in the U.S., many shops will silently record you stealing small things until you’ve reached a certain sum, then their attorneys charge you with a felony, which is a serious crime and can indeed end in jail with a criminal record. So your father does not just frighten you. He knows your future is at stake. You need to figure out why you’re doing this and address the urge in more lawful ways. And the first step is to fully recognize that you were doing something wrong and to take measures to make it right. That meeting might be one such step.
@reboot Hi, the first time I remember was around 7 years old. We did it together with my sister. We never harmed anyone, we did it for fun, as a competition. We were not caught, and we returned all the clothes to the old lady later (unnoticed). I don’t know why. When I took something from a big store, I felt like they had so much they wouldn’t miss one tiny thing. My sister would like it. I didn’t take it for myself, and I threw it away before I got home.
@JellyFish I hate taking from people I know. I don’t know why I did it this time… My dad is more traumatized than I am. I’m not sure that he knows what’s best for me...
@la-redoutte I’m not of age yet, they don't send teenagers to jail. I don’t even understand why rich people steal. They have enough money to buy it all. If I had so much money I’d buy things for all my friends, just to buy something.
@tabita123 You are very brave for coming out about this. So do you and your sister do this because you feel good afterwards? Not for the prize, but for the pleasant feelings it gives you? If that is so, you might have a dopamine regulation issue. Doing risky things gives us a huge dopamine boost, and our brain likes it and craves for more, making us repeat the patterns.
@tabita123 May I ask why you say so about your father? Are you not on good terms?
@Victoria My sister is dead. We used to do it together when we were small. I don’t know about dopamine. I don’t like the risk. Even when we did it before, we never got caught, and it was important for us. Maybe I do it because that’s what my sister liked… I miss her
Hi,
The first step towards healing itself is you recognising there is an issue and want to stop it.
In your case you are stealing because of the emotional void you are going through. You do it to just to feel connected with your sister in your thoughts. You should go to a therapist. There are lot of organisation online who do free counselling. Therapist can help with cognitive behavioural therapy which will help you to stop this recurring detrimental behaviour, address the cognition that causes them and help you in finding more appropriate ways to relieve urges and tension.
You also need to think about situation which triggers your this habit. Like you say sister and you did it. Does her thoughts or conversations about her or anything else connected to her reminds you and triggers you to do this. If that is the case then therapist will teach you various practice relaxation techniques and strategies while in triggering situations to learn how to reduce urges in a healthy way.
Start engaging in healthy hobbies to release this emotional outlet like journalling, meditation and other creative form of hobbies where you can get a positive feeling.
You can talk to your dad and tell him you want to deal with this situation but would be comfortable talking to a therapist. May be he just requires that assurance and commitment from your side to deal with this.