After a verbal altercation that nearly escalated to physical confrontation between me and one of my abusers, I’m facing the threat of homelessness. My abuser was “kind” enough to put a timeframe on when they intend to vacate me but my goal is to get away at my earliest convenience.
What makes navigating tricky is that the abuser in question is a relative, more specifically the woman who birthed me. From the age of 8 I’ve despised this woman and my disdain continues to grow for everything she put me through. And despite actively receiving professional help through therapy and other support resources, I have no intention of maintaining contact with her. I’m estranged from all of my relatives because they’re hateful, ignorant and overall toxic.
It’s because I grew up in the environment I did and seeing how the people surrounding me behaved I promised myself I’d be different. I said I’d break the cycle and meant it. And while I’m discontinuing generational curses, what comes with it is being the “black sheep”, but I’m okay with that. No part of me wants to rekindle anything with my relatives. I’ve already done enough soul-searching to know the second I’m able to go no contact, I’m leaping to take it.
If the worst case scenario comes to fruition, I want it known I gave it my all. Through evading abusive relatives, chronic health complications, recurring sexual assault, being stalked and domestic violence, I put my heart, being and spirit into everything I’ve done and regret nothing. I’ve always welcomed adversity that promotes growth and grinned in the face of uncertainty. My determination is unwavering because I know I’m the only person who has the power to change my circumstances. At this moment I feel lonely, isolated and overwhelmed without anyone outside my therapist and workshop I can safely confide in, but I’m also transforming this sadness into motivation because allowing grief to debilitate me won’t help.
Today, I woke up feeling refreshed after an 8hr rest. I took 15 minutes to clean my space, showered, and then cooked myself breakfast. I gradually worked through my self care routine and followed up with resources I researched and was referred. Before I left out for an interview, I made a card for a stranger. It was a blank card with floral patterns on the front. I wrote words of encouragement and sealed it in a small envelope I decorated with hearts and gemstones. I tried to give it to a woman, asking if she’d like a gift but she rudely declined, only for a homeless woman to offer acceptance. It made me happy because I felt dejected for a moment. Me and the woman briefly spoke and when she shared her situation, it instantly made me think of how anyone could easily be in her shoes. I thanked her for making my day but she walked away before I could offer to buy her food and water with whatever food stamps I’ve got left.
I’m grateful for that interaction because it really goes to show how many of us take little things for granted and don’t show as much empathy as we should for one another. I hope Ms. F. got to where she needed to go safely. Any time I face hardships, they remind me to be kinder. To myself and others, and extend grace wherever needed. I don’t know what these next few weeks will look like for me but I’m doing my best to navigate. All I ask is that anyone reading this please remember to exercise kindness, to anyone and everyone. You never know who’s day you’re making.
wow! The fact that you’re still able to show kindness to others, like the homeless woman, speaks volumes about your character. It’s a reminder that even in our darkest moments, we can still find light. Please know that you’re not alone. There are people out there who care and want to help. Even though it might feel isolating now, keep reaching out. Your strength is truly inspiring, and I believe you’ll find your way through this. Stay strong and keep believing in yourself.
@𝓼𝓸𝓹𝓱𝓲𝓮 I appreciate you for providing me with words of encouragement, I really needed this. Thank you, Sophie. I’m doing my best and will continue to, I just need to remain focused and stay determined. Hope you have a great day, and be safe.🙏🏾
@Mitchel I'm so glad my words could help you. I just recently downloaded this app and I'm here to volunteer. I love that. It's tough facing these challenges, but you have already shown so much strength. I admire how you keep pushing forward, even when it gets hard. There are good people out there who care. Believe in yourself and your ability to overcome. I'll be here to listen and support you. Stay positive. You’ve got this!
First off, hats off to you for sharing such a personal story. It’s clear you’re navigating through a storm, but your determination shines through. While emotions are running high, it’s good to also focus on actionable steps. Look into local community centers or churches; they often have resources or can point you in the right direction. Also, consider looking into temporary housing programs. They can provide a safe space while you get back on your feet. It’s essential to keep a clear head and focus on the next step, one at a time. You’ve got the strength to get through this, just keep pushing forward.
@khayes892 Unfortunately, because I’m over the age most organisations and programs are able to assist, finding resources is a little harder. I’ve been searching for programs, work opportunities and housing options since 2020 because I’ve ACTIVELY been trying to escape my abuser since then. I wasn’t able to as a kid and teenager because no one took me seriously, and I didn’t have the things I do today as an adult, but that’s all the more reason for me to keep trying. I appreciate your encouragement, thank you!
@khayes892 I’ve already submitted multiple applications to a housing agency and just got hired on the spot from an interview I had yesterday. It’s a start but I’m still looking into other resources as a backup plan if anything falls short. Even if I’m unable to continue receiving professional help, I have just enough coping mechanisms to navigate!
I also have lots of secondary resources because I volunteer at over several pantries throughout my city so I’m researching into any volunteer, work and housing programs that might be available to me. Might take a while but time will tell and I just don’t have it in me to give up.
@Mitchel I'm really sorry how tough things have been for you. You’ve been through so much and it’s amazing how strong you remain. I understand that age can be a barrier for some programs, but don’t lose hope. Smaller local organizations or non-profits can offer help when bigger ones can’t. Maybe try temp agencies or gig work as a short-term solution. It’s not a fix-all, but it could help bridge the gap.
@Mitchel O and also keep in mind that mental health resources are just as important. Continue with therapy and lean on those support systems as much as you can. You deserve to be in a good mental shape! Managing your mental well-being will help you stay strong through these challenges. I'm sure you'll find what you need!
Damn, that’s a tough situation you’re in. I respect the hell outta you for keeping it real and sharing your story. Family can be the worst sometimes, and it’s totally okay to cut ties if they’re toxic. No one should have to put up with that crap. You’ve been through a lot, and it’s clear you’re a fighter. My advice? Don’t be afraid to lean on friends or even strangers for help. Sometimes, the people we least expect can offer the most support. Don’t let anyone bring you down. You got this.
@Walter Norman Every day I’m coaching myself to branch out my comfort zone and that includes being vulnerable. Unfortunately I don’t have anyone I can call a friend and no relatives to lean on, but I’m continuously reaching out to others from support groups and Googling other resources. These next few weeks are going to be hard but difficult doesn’t mean impossible. It’s time for me to go harder than ever and that’s what I intend to do. 💪🏾
@Mitchel Oh I see. It’s not easy to step out of your comfort zone, but you’re doing it, and that’s what matters. Keep reaching out to those support groups and new resources. You’re right, hard times don’t mean impossible times. Just take it one day at a time. Even small steps forward are still steps forward. Stay strong and keep pushing. People do care, and there are folks who will support you. Keep your head up and stay positive. You’ve got a lot of courage, and that will carry you through.
I'm truly sorry about everything you're going through. It sounds incredibly tough, and my heart goes out to you. You have faced so many challenges and I am so proud of you for handling it like a champ. It must be very hard to deal with such difficult family dynamics, especially when it involves someone so close to you. I can only imagine how lonely and overwhelming it must feel to face these challenges mostly on your own. I hope that sharing your story brings you some comfort!Please know that your efforts do not go unnoticed. You are doing an amazing job, and I truly hope things get better for you soon. You deserve peace and a safe environment to thrive in.
@Thomas S Hey Thomas, thank you for making my morning with your kindness and positivity. Sharing my story has not only alleviated some of the emotional frustration I’ve experienced but inspired others, which is something I continuously strive to do. Being met with validation and affirmations was all I needed to start my day as I’m celebrating 21 sobriety, and am thankful for the compassion everyone’s given me.
It’ll be tough but there’s no challenge I can’t conquer. Great things take time and I’m more than willing to put in for it. Thank you for making my day, I appreciate you and everyone else for leaving me with a sense of empowerment on this celebratory occasion!
@Mitchel Mitchel, your words have truly touched my heart. I am so glad that sharing your story and receiving support has been uplifting for you. Celebrating 21 days of sobriety is a monumental achievement.You are absolutely right—great things do take time. Every day is a new opportunity to grow and strengthen yourself.
Thank you for sharing your story. I can’t imagine the pain you’re going through, but I want you to know that you’re incredibly strong. We really have to distance ourselves from toxic people, even if they are family. It’s heartbreaking, but your mental health and well-being are more important. Please remember that there are people out there who care about you and want to help. Sending you all the love and positive energy
oh wow, your story really touched me. i can’t even imagine going through what you’ve been through. i think it’s amazing how you’re still so kind and thoughtful despite everything. it’s like you’re a light in the darkness. i think the world needs more people like you. remember that it’s okay to feel sad and overwhelmed sometimes. you’ve been through so much, and it’s normal to have those feelings. just don’t let them consume you. you have a beautiful spirit, and i truly believe that good things are coming your way. hang in there. 💖✨
@Cheryl I really needed this, thank you, Cheryl. I appreciate you and everyone else giving me a little bit of kindness. I’m celebrating 21 months sobriety today and this was everything I needed to brighten up my day twice as much. It’s receiving affirmations like this that encourage me to continue exercising kindness.🙏🏾
Your post was a rollercoaster of emotions for me. It’s clear that you’ve been through so much, yet you still find the strength to get up every day and keep going. That’s something to be incredibly proud of. Your act of making a card for a stranger shows a level of empathy and kindness that’s truly rare. It’s moments like these that can make a big difference, not just for others but for yourself as well. I believe that you have the power to overcome any obstacle. Stay strong! You’re an awesome human being
@R0N Hey Ron, I really appreciate you and everyone else taking the time to provide me with words of encouragement and validate me in my feelings. It’s been a struggle but I’m going to continue seeing the good in everything when possible. I’m celebrating 21 months sobriety and seeing this comment left me feeling empowered and ready to conquer anything. Thank you for your kindness, it’ll stick with me for years to come. I definitely hope you’re as kind to yourself as you are to me, thank you for making my morning. ❤️🔥
Facing the threat of homelessness is one of the most challenging things anyone can go through, especially when it involves a family member. Your ability to transform your pain into motivation is incredible. I noticed you mentioned making a card for a stranger. That act of kindness is something that can affect more people than you realize. I admire you!
I have a friend who went through something very similar with his mother. He always talked about how tough it was growing up with her. She was very controlling nd manipulative. His childhood was a nightmare. It got so bad that he decided to cut all ties with her as soon as he was old enough to move out.
Just like you, he made a promise to himself to break the cycle of abuse and negativity. He wanted to be different, to be better. He knew it wouldn’t be easy, but he was determined. He faced many hardships, from financial struggles to dealing with the emotional scars left by his mother’s abuse. But he never gave up.
There was a time when he was almost homeless too. He spent a few nights sleeping in his car and couch-surfing at friends’ places. It was a really tough time for him, but he used it as motivation to push himself forward. He found a part-time job, saved up nd eventually managed to get a small apartment.
Now, he’s doing much better. He’s got a steady job, a place of his own. We’re like a family to him nd I’m really happy we met. He still deals with the emotional fallout from his past, but he’s in therapy and working through it slowly but surely. He’s living proof that you can overcome even the most difficult situations if you keep pushing forward and stay true to yourself.
Reading your story reminded me so much of him. Stay kind, stay strong, and keep moving forward. You’ve got this.
@RealTalkRachel I appreciate you so much for not only validating me but sharing your loved one’s story of hardship, that just gave me twice as much motivation to press on. I’m celebrating 21 months sobriety today and that just gave me so much more motivation, especially because I received other forms of good news. Thank you, seriously. Your kindness is going to stick with me always.🎈
@RealTalkRachel Your friend's story is incredibly inspiring. It's never easy to break away from a toxic environment, especially when it involves family. The emotional and psychological toll can be immense. The fact that he faced homelessness and still managed to find the strength to push forward speaks volumes about his character. It’s amazing to hear that he was able to find a job, save money, and eventually secure a place of his own. These are significant achievements, especially given the hardships he endured. Mitchel, I believe you can do it as well!!!
Hi, I just read ur post & wanted to say ur so brave for sharing. It must be really hard dealing with all this but ur doing amazing. I love how u made a card for a stranger, that’s so sweet!! Sometimes ppl don’t realize how much a small act of kindness can mean. It’s awesome that u took care of urself today and did all those things like cooking breakfast and cleaning up. That shows u still have hope and that’s super important!! I was wondering, do u have any hobbies or things u love doing that can help take ur mind off things? Sometimes getting lost in something u enjoy can make things a bit easier. Hang in there, ur gonna get through this!!
@manuel Every day I’m challenging myself to continue being vulnerable and it’s really helping, thank you for affirming me! If I’m ever feeling down and attempting to connect with others doesn’t help, I’ll indulge in something creative. Many of my hobbies include: art (traditional and digital), photo/videography, reading and writing so I’ll invest in them to preoccupy myself. I’ve just been making cards for strangers lately because I hope it’ll reach the right person and encourage them to keep going.