A lot of the time when we consume the content of people who publicise their journeys to recovery, we’re under the impression they’re “healed.” We believe they have everything together, life flows effortlessly for them and that their circumstances are perfect… but would you be surprised if I said that’s far from the truth?
As a content creator who documents bits and pieces of their recovery, I can tell you firsthand that most of us only share what we want being seen. We’ll post on the days we feel good; sharing vlogs of ourselves at the beach enjoying the sun or grabbing brunch at the new vegan restaurant that just opened up. But do you know what we WON’T upload? The bad days. Why? Because it “ruins” the aesthetic.
Nobody wants to hear about the meltdown we had over something trivial or the episode that was triggered by plans going south. 9 times out of 10, influencer or not, a person is likely to be shamed for venting on media; crying on camera as opposed to journaling or talking to a trusted friend.
However because I know this is a common thing among “recovery influencers” (I assume they’re categorised as), I personally share and talk about the “ugly” parts of recovering. Why? Because it’s easier said than done and everybody’s journey looks different. I want to provide a more authentic perspective and not the “everything is perfect” that’s constantly being fed.
Because the truth of the matter is even though I’m nearly 2 years into recovery and I rarely have bad days, not every day is good for me. There are days where I’m depressed, hurting, lonely and more. I have days where I’m not good to myself or others but that doesn’t take away from all I’ve achieved. The goal is progression, not perfection.
And if it’s the ugly parts of healing they won’t tell you about, it’s the part where you feel like you’re regressing. They won’t tell you about the stages of anger and grief you oscillate between or the periods of isolation you experience trying to better yourself. They don’t tell you about the people you lose as a result of seeking better or the pervasive loneliness that follows when having to be selective about your associates.
Healing looks different for everyone and there’s going to be “ugliness” to it, but that’s okay because it should be normalised. I’m currently experiencing one of the ugliest parts of healing because despite being eager to create a loving and nurturing relationship with others, I feel myself growing emotionally reserved every day. It hurts but I’m doing my best to remain open. It’s difficult for me as someone still overcoming hyper independence and avoidant tendencies, but I know it can be done.
Even with the feelings of loneliness, depression and anxiety weighing heavy in my chest, I’m going to do my best to remain kind in my interactions. I’m quite frankly exhausted from everything but I’m dedicated to my recovery so I’ll bare the exhaustion as long as necessary.
i think it’s so important to talk about the "ugly" parts of healing. it’s easy to get caught up in the idea that everyone else has their life together, especially when we only see the highlights on social media. but the reality is that everyone has their struggles, and it’s okay to have bad days. your honesty is so refreshing, and it’s a reminder that we’re all human. it’s okay to have setbacks, and it’s okay to not have everything together all the time. what’s important is that you’re making progress, no matter how small it may seem. thank you for being so open and for sharing your story with us.
Thank you so much for sharing such an honest and real perspective on healing. It's refreshing to see someone talk about those hidden parts that often get overlooked. Healing is indeed a journey with its ups and downs, and it's so important to acknowledge that. Your openness is truly appreciated, and it helps me to feel less alone in my struggles. It's okay to have bad days, and it's okay to feel like you're regressing sometimes. What's important is that you're committed to your recovery and you're doing your best. Your dedication is inspiring, and it's clear that you have a lot of strength. Even on the tough days, you're making progress. Keep being kind to yourself and remember that every step forward, no matter how small, is a victory.
I can deeply resonate with what you're saying about the curated nature of social media personas. As a teacher, I often see my students feeling pressured to present a perfect image of themselves online, and it's refreshing to hear someone with influence speak candidly about the less glamorous side of recovery. It's true that no one wants to broadcast their bad days, but those days are just as much a part of the journey as the good ones. When I have a rough day in the classroom, I might not share it with my students, but those experiences shape my teaching and my empathy for them. Your approach to showing both sides can be incredibly validating to others who are also struggling but feel alone in their experiences. It's also a reminder that healing isn't linear and that bad days don't erase the progress made. As a teacher, I often face days where I feel drained and question my impact, but seeing stories like yours reminds me that perseverance is worth it. Your dedication to authenticity paves the way for a more honest dialogue about mental health and recovery.
@Ryder P. I appreciate you so much for this, I wish I could pin your comment. It’s especially bad with the upcoming generation wanting to “flex” and appear as if they have it all together. I think it’s important to bring truth and awareness to things that aren’t given the space to be discussed. I do what I can when I can because I know it might help others, and that’s all I really strive to do, personal hardships aside.
Hey, I totally get you! 🌟 It's like scrolling through Instagram and thinking everyone else has their life together, but we know that's not true. I love that you're showing the real deal. We need more of that. Recovery is like trying to untangle a pair of headphones, right? It takes time and patience, and sometimes you just want to scream and throw them out the window! But every little step is progress, even the messy ones.
And those days when you feel like you've taken a step back? Oh, boy, I've been there. It's like playing a video game and hitting that annoying level you just can't get past. But you will! Just keep pressing those buttons. 🤗
Feeling all the feels is part of the process. Sometimes I feel like a walking weather report: sunny one minute, stormy the next. 🌦️ But it's all part of the journey. Isolation? Oh, the struggle is real. But just know that even when you're feeling alone, you're not. You're amazing, and your honesty is a breath of fresh air. Keep shining, even on the cloudy days. 🌈
What you’re doing is incredibly valuable. There is so much pressure to present a perfect image, especially on social media. By sharing the more difficult parts of your journey, you’re providing a more balanced perspective. This can help others understand that it’s normal to have bad days and that it doesn’t mean they’re not making progress. It’s crucial to normalize the idea that recovery is not always all that fun and easy. Your vulnerability is inspiring! That’s what I needed today!
@abcd I’m happy that you and so many others are finding inspiration in my vulnerability, that really does help me feel somewhat better and more connected. Thank you so much for taking the time to reply to vent and leave words of encouragement 💙
I really appreciate you sharing your journey. Your perspective is refreshing, but I have to admit, it feels so far away from where I am. I've been jobless for a year now, and it's really taking a toll on me. I feel like all the progress I made before is gone. I used to be so full of hope and dreams, but now, I'm starting to lose hope.
Every day feels like a struggle. I wake up and don't know what to do with myself. I've applied to countless jobs, but the rejections keep piling up. It's like I'm stuck in a never-ending loop of disappointment. I live off of my parents' money, and I'm so ashamed of it. I never thought I'd be in this position at this age (I’m 29). I feel like such a burden to them.
There are days when I don't even leave my room. I just lie in bed, feeling useless. My friends have started to move on with their lives, getting jobs, getting married, and here I am, stuck in the same place. I feel so isolated and alone. I try to journal, but the words don't come out right. I remember when I used to be so passionate. But now, I can't even pick up phone sometimes. What for? Just to see another pile of rejections?
My parents are supportive, but I can see the worry in their eyes. They tell me it's just a phase, that things will get better, but it's hard to believe them. I feel like I'm sinking, and I don't know how to pull myself out. I want to believe that things will get better, but right now, it feels impossible.
I know healing looks different for everyone, but it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I hope I can find a way to move forward, just like you have. Thank you for being so open. It gives me a little bit of hope that maybe, one day, I'll find my way too.
@fishermadelyn63 I know it feels like you're stuck, but I want to suggest something that might help you feel a bit more in control. Have you thought about learning a new skill or taking an online course? There are so many free resources available, and learning something new can give you a sense of accomplishment and purpose. Plus, it can be a great way to add to your resume and make you feel more confident in your job search. Remember, this period of your life doesn't define you. It's just a chapter in your story, and there's so much more to come. Keep pushing forward, and don't give up on yourself.
@fishermadelyn63 I can completely understand why it feels so overwhelming right now. It's incredibly tough to find any sort of motivation when you're in such a dark and difficult place. You definitely don't have to dive into a full course or commit to something huge right away. Instead, maybe consider starting with something small and manageable, like a short tutorial on a specific skill. This could be something that not only makes you feel accomplished but also helps you find a job.
@fishermadelyn63 I understand that it feels like you're stuck in a cycle, but it's important to remember that progress isn't always linear. Sometimes, it takes small steps to start seeing changes. I've been through tough times too, and what helped me was focusing on one small thing I could improve each day. Small actions can help you regain a sense of control. It's also important to be kind to yourself. You're going through a difficult period, and it's okay to feel overwhelmed. Acknowledge your feelings, but don't let them define you. Remember, this phase of your life doesn't define your entire future.
@CrisChris Thank you. I have considered taking an online course, but it's hard to find the motivation. I feel like it might just be another thing I fail at. I was always good at academics, but right now, even the thought of starting something new feels overwhelming. I don't know if I have the energy or the mental capacity to focus on learning. Every time I try to start something new, I get this voice in my head telling me that it won't make a difference, that I'm just wasting my time. It's like I'm constantly battling myself, and it's exhausting. I want to believe that things can get better, but it seems impossible now.
I appreciate your encouragement, but I don't know how to break out of this cycle. It's like I'm trapped. I want to find hope and purpose, but right now, it feels so out of reach. I wish I could see the positives like you do, but it's hard when every day feels like shit. I don't know how to move forward from here.
@CrisChris It's not just about starting something new. It's about believing that it will lead somewhere. I've tried so many times to get back on my feet, only to be knocked down again. Each failure feels like a confirmation that I'm not good enough. I see people around me progressing in their careers, achieving milestones, and I can't help but compare myself to them. It feels like I'm living in a different reality where nothing I do matters. I know I shouldn't compare, but it's hard not to when you're surrounded by success stories. Every success story feels like a reminder of my own failures.
I wish I could see the positives, but it's like my mind is wired to focus on the negatives. Every rejection, every failure feels like a nail in the coffin of my self-esteem. I want to believe that things will get better, but right now, it feels like I'm drowning and there's no chance for me. I appreciate your positivity, but it's hard to feel hopeful. How do you stay so positive? How do you keep believing that things will get better when everything feels so bleak?
Mitchel, I agree with you! One crucial point to add is the impact of social media algorithms on the content that gets promoted. Platforms often prioritize content that receives high engagement, which tends to be the more polished, aesthetically pleasing posts. This can pressure creators to conform to a certain image, further perpetuating the idea that life is always so smooth and beautiful.
I think it’s worth noting that everyone’s path to recovery is unique, and comparing yourself to others can often be detrimental. While it’s great to have role models and people who inspire you, it’s also important to remember that your journey is your own. There will be good days and bad days, and that’s perfectly normal. Embrace the progress, no matter how small it may seem. Celebrate your victories and learn from your mistakes. You’re doing so good, my friend.
Hi there, I just want to acknowledge your bravery in sharing your experience. It's not easy to be so vulnerable. I am about to say something that may sound strange lmao buuut…have you ever considered gardening? There's something incredibly therapeutic about nurturing a plant and watching it grow. Having a routine around something so precious and seeing the fruits of your labor can be very fulfilling. Plus, it gets you outside and gives you a reason to step out of your room. 🌱
@greg Hey Greg, I appreciate your encouragement and suggestion! I absolutely LOVE gardening and often gift myself mixed bouquets when making recovery milestones. Sitting in nature is so therapeutic and helps me feel more connected to myself in ways I can’t describe. Gardening is actually something I recommend everyone, recovering or not!
@Mitchel Wow, no way! I had no idea you were already into gardening. That's amazing! It sounds like you really get a lot out of it. I totally agree that being in nature can be so calming. There’s something special about the fresh air and the greenery all around. It’s like a little escape from the craziness of life. I love how you give yourself flowers when you hit milestones. That’s such a beautiful idea. It must feel great to see those flowers and know how far you’ve come. I think more people should try gardening. It’s such a simple thing, but it can make a big difference. Even just a few minutes a day can be so refreshing. Do you have a favorite plant or flower? I’m always curious about what others love. 🌸
i get what you mean about only sharing the good stuff online. it's so easy to fall into that trap, but your willingness to show the parts that everyone’s hiding is so brave. it makes me feel seen and understood. thank you for being so vulnerable. your words have given me a lot of hope. i know it's not easy to talk about the hard times, but it really does make a difference. you're helping to normalize the struggles and show that it's okay to not be okay all the time. i admire your strength and dedication to your recovery. even when things are tough, you're still pushing through and staying committed. that's really inspiring. i hope you know that you're making a positive impact on others by sharing your story and i hope you’re kind to yourself today.
@terry I really needed this affirmation today, thank you Terry. Words can’t describe how grateful I am for you and everyone else who took the time to provide me with encouragement and commend me on my vulnerability. This really made me feel a lot easier than when I first woke, and I’m appreciative of this. Being vulnerable is hard for anyone but as an introvert it’s especially hard because I’ve always had it used against me. Despite that, I don’t want it to take away from me or my healing. If I can help others understand that having bad days is okay and normalise it as a content creator, I’ll do my best. 🎈