Post
Og
Ogweno Emmanuel
1y ago

I'mfrustrated what lies ahead

By all accords I'm having a terrific life. A model student since kindergarten all the way to campus. I got my dream course (mechanical Engineering) and I'm involved in quite a number of engineering projects.

My mother a single mom, singlehandedly raised my brother and I with a little help from relatives. She is really gaining on me making a great career out of my life. And by all markers, I'm almost there.

However, from an early age I've always wanted to be a girl. For so long I dismissed it as fantasy, until I broke down last semester. I couldn't study. I missed classes and a CAT. All I could think of was my gender dysphoria. How badly I wanted to be feminine and how impossible it was on all levels. Living in Kenya, social transition was several magnitudes scarier. I fear strangers. I fear I might loose friends and family. I fear disappointing my mother and giving her heartache. She's a very conservative christian. I wouldn't want to betray her investment. I tried getting in touch with LGBTQ organizations but only two seem to be active and to date I'm yet to get any meaningful help. I've thought of transition medically in secret through hrt, but our medical system does not recognize trans people and there's virtually no way of accessing the medication. Even if I could, I doubt I'd afford them . It seems like all paths are closed. And yet, I'm here. With another break down. Unable to move forward till I did something about my dysphoria. To me the future seems bleak. All roads leading to my ultimate suffering, as I suffer now. I think of death sometimes but I wouldn't say I'm suicidal.

Specialist answer
Veena Choudhary
1y
Specialist

Many of them express feeling scared before revealing out the internal feelings and starting the gender transition.


This is normal and natural reaction. Fear of losing loved ones, afraid of not being accepted are thoughts running in your head. This fear represents your sense of self and ability to handle external events. This fear is rooted in your ability or lack of it to handle what may happen due to your transition. For this reason you are afraid to transition as you fear what will happen to your mother, friends and everyone around you.


First step is self acceptance. self acceptance here means satisfaction or happiness with yourself. It involves self understanding of who you are derived form realistic awareness of your strength and weakness. once u accept it then it would become easier for you to explain others.


write down what is important for you and your mental well being. if it's important can you address it and go beyond to work on it.


  • Your mother aim is to make a great career and you are already working hard for it. Now you need to question yourself can you communicate to her this? Being feminine is just one part of your identity. u have much more things constituting your identity. So you need to think and analyse how can you convey this to her as your mental health is equally important.


  • Is there any one whom you are close to and can share this with them. A person who would accept you and not be judgemental.


  • There are lot of online forums where you can discuss with other people who are going through the same things and see how are they handling such situations. Support plays a vital role in helping you navigate challenges in your life.


Therapist will help you with this. Therapy can help you gain confidence in expressing your preferred gender. You may wish to make small changes at first like going by a different name if you want.


Once you talk to your family, friends and confident about your identity then Medical treatment can be next stage. Work on your goal and make a career to earn what is required for it. This will motivate you to study and work.


Remember that wanting to be a girl is just one part of your identity. it does form a significant part of who you are but you still have other set of qualities in you that makes you uniquely you.

hritchie
1y

Hi!!! Let me support you in your difficult situation!!! I have been in contact with people with such problems in the past and I can imagine how hard it is for you! I think you should think about relocating to a country where this is allowed.

zi
ziememary
1y

I can imagine how hard this is for you!!! Don't lose heart!!! you'll make it!!! maybe you should get citizenship of the country where it is allowed? and then live in your own country...take legal advice...don't give up!

darronkula
1y

Don't be afraid, real friends won't leave you...that's the test of the relationship...and the family won't turn away, I'm sure. Your mom, judging by what you wrote, loves you very much. Don't lose heart and fight!!! Write here, I'll always support you!!!

genesis
1y

Greetings!!! Glad to support you in your problem!!! Just want you to feel not alone and know that if you get dumped everyone here on the site will support you!!!! Keep your head up!

Og
Ogweno Emmanuel
1y
Author

@darronkula I appreciate your support!

Og
Ogweno Emmanuel
1y
Author

@hritchie I've thought about relocating and I plan to do so, though it's more of a future plan due to finances.

trantow
1y

Hi! Don't despair! There is always a way out, the main thing is to see it!!! Especially, there are countries that help people with such peculiarities as yours!!!! So don't feel insecure and lonely.

delta
1y

Know that you are not alone. We all go through difficult times in our lives, and sometimes it feels like no one understands how we feel. However, remember that there are always people who are there to support you.

alessandro
1y

Strength doesn't come from doing what you can do. It comes from overcoming what you once thought was impossible. Soon, when all is well, you will look back on this period of your life and be so glad you never gave up. You wrote in the comments that you already have a relocation plan in place, you're on the right track, you know the way out....

ar
artscham
1y

Buddy! You can make a career out of being a girl!!! And you can't fool your mother's expectations. Think it through and go for it.

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