Trauma being understandable doesn’t make mistreatment of others acceptable. Many of us have traumatic pasts (or experiences) but don’t use them as excuses to justify toxic behaviours. Experiencing trauma isn’t your fault, but recovering is your responsibility. This is something I have to constantly remind myself of because my understanding of others’ hardships often leads to allowing their mistreatment toward me. I don’t take much personal and try not to assume someone’s purposefully being malicious, but that doesn’t excuse certain actions.

Day before yesterday I did it, I FINALLY did it. After 7 months, I walked away from the emotionally exhausting relationship I nearly tried to “salvage” with my former romantic interest. After months of internal conflict; heart and mind clashing, I was able to receive closure in a way that provided clarity and made disconnecting easier. I was overextending myself to accommodate his situation because I relate his circumstances, but it became apparent my efforts weren’t appreciated.

Unclear and improper communication, inconsistency and lack of respect for my time, complete disregard for my emotional safety and refusal to be emotionally vulnerable, etc. I’m not going back and forth with a 37 almost 38 year old as a 24 year old, I refuse. I don’t think he’s a bad person but he’s not where he needs to be and that’s the issue. His inability to properly show up for himself was impacting the relationship and I stepped away to let him situate his priorities. I care for him, but not at the expense of my wellbeing and boundaries.

Being able to safely remove myself from the situation is a blessing but I feel indifferent. In my mind I know I did the right thing but my heart hurts like hell because I really wanted things to work. While choosing to be self and career-focused moving forward, whether I end up with next, I want to have the same desire to better themselves from whatever hardships they’ve faced.

A lot of people fail to understand just how serious I am when I say a person has ONE time to say or do something that makes me question our connection and they’re DONE. Because I value honesty, respect, integrity and communication in all of my relationships — friendship or otherwise — I am incredibly transparent about what I will and won’t tolerate. I assert boundaries and expect for them to be respected the same way I intend to respect and adhere boundaries set with me.

I’m not going to yell, curse or antagonise someone for their inability to meet my expectations. With me actively practicing radical acceptance, I’m going to reflect and react accordingly. Are you someone who thrives off chaos and craves the familiarity of toxic relationships? Okay, I’m disassociating and wish you healing from afar. You prefer shallow conversations and unfulfilling relationships? Couldn’t be me but more power to you, let me just remove myself.

I refuse to entertain anything that doesn’t contribute to my success or happiness. I’m breaking cycles, re-parenting myself and continuously giving back to community. I’ve had my handful of unhealthy relationships and trauma bonds, I want nothing but peace, stability and love surrounding me. I understand everybody’s effort looks different and that it’s a start, but effort is no longer enough for me. I’m exhausted from being the only person proactively bettering themselves in every friendship or romantic partnership had.

I respect each person’s journey but I respect myself, time and wants more than anything and don’t sacrifice it for anyone anymore. This year will be a continuation of last with pursuing things that feel good to me and remaining selective about who gets my time and energy. I’ve created a healthy method that works for me and will continue to use it. 2025 will be my year of finding love, safety and security and I’ll ensure it.

Letting go gets easier every day the more I acknowledge and accept that nothing in life is truly mine. Everything is an experience that exists to teach me and it’s up to me to either learn or remain ignorant. To be rich in spirit than wealthy with materials is the greatest form of prosperity and that’s all I strive to achieve for myself.

With me working full time now, I found myself anxious and disheartened at my inability to volunteer as regularly as I had when I was part time. I’m continuously trying to establish that balance between priority and pleasure but even having a routine, not being able to actively serve a community that’s a second home to me breaks my heart. However, upon learning about the ego and the discoveries helping reframe my perspective, it’s taught me something.

While I’m grateful the advocacy I’ve done (and will continue to do) doesn’t stem from wanting to enhance my self image, I found that the upset is because I see the pantry I work for as an extension of myself since its values and mission statement align with community goals I’ve worked towards. I’m not denying I’m still upset being unable to volunteer, but knowing I can always return when my schedule allows brings me peace.

Even if I can’t return, accepting that and acknowledging it was an amazing experience I had the pleasure of living is okay with me too. The peace I’m experiencing with this realisation is liberating, and I hope that even with whatever remaining anxieties I experience, I’ll learn from it too.

If I tell a person things aren’t going to work and revoke communication access, that doesn’t require a response nor is it an invitation for them to attempt convincing me otherwise. I’m politely informing them because I’m anticipating a high probability of conflict if we remain in contact and with wanting to save everyone’s time and preserve my mental/emotional wellbeing, I’ll remove myself before it gets to that extent. Stopping cycles before they start essentially. Due to past experiences I developed pattern recognition and thanks to therapy, I’ve enhanced that skill.

I don’t believe in ghosting because unless the person is an active threat to me or my loved ones, I have enough communication skills to vocalise my thoughts, feelings and opinions regardless of if they’re disagreed with. However, if someone decides to be pervasive and incessantly attempts to contact me post disassociation, I won’t respond but WILL start building a case. If I (or ANYONE) chooses not to pursue something with another, that should be respected at face value. Harassing an individual into responding is CRAZY work, and gives me the impression you’re mentally unwell. In my case, I WILL file a protective order if it reaches that extent.

No response is a response.

I have no interest in keeping contact with former friends, acquaintances, colleagues, romantic partners or anyone it feels as if I’ve outgrown. If I’ve cut contact for reasons related to repeated violation of boundaries or respect, LEAVE me alone. I’m very transparent about what I will and won’t tolerate in the relationships I build so if you make it a point to show you’re disinterested in cultivating genuine connections, cool. I’ll cut you off and keep it moving. I’m not going to argue or antagonise anyone for their inability to meet bare minimum expectations and to respect me as a person.

Now I can’t tell if this is the universe testing me or not, but over the past week I’ve had an influx of former romantic entanglements reach out hoping to rekindle, all to be ignored or blocked. I’ve learned my lesson and I’m not looking to entrap myself in trauma bonds or toxic cycles. But for some reason they think my lack of response means to “try harder.” I very genuinely don’t understand people like this but they’re annoying. You made your bed now lie in it and leave me the fuck alone.