It is going to be 5 years since my wife Anni left this world. Even today, whenever I wake up suddenly after sleeping for a while, I feel that where is my wife, suddenly every pore of my body becomes restless to see her, but for a moment, my brain seems to accept this. In doing that now she has left me from this world forever. This happens to me several times a day and night, my heart sinks. At this moment the pain that arises in my chest, the whole body has to spend many hours bearing a shock. Because of which I spend hours lying on the bed alone in the room.
All the happiness and feeling good time is gone from life.
I don't know when the sun is in the morning
When does it set?
How does it feel to have a day off?
How do you feel during a festival?
How would it feel to have a conversation with friends?
How did you feel while shopping?
how do you feel birthday
How does it feel to go to someone's wedding?
How does it feel to prepare yourself?
How does it feel to decorate a house?
How does it feel to travel somewhere?
How does the music feel?
All things have been traded in return in this life I have only my own pain and depression Lying on the bed immersed in darkness Now this is the only life. Excitement, enthusiasm, hope, happiness, love, affection now All over
I'm in my 40s now, and I wish I had this level of self-awareness when I was 25. It took me much longer to realize the importance of setting boundaries and prioritizing my own well-being. Your thoughts about the different types of people in conflict resolution are spot-on. It's a sad truth that some people are more comfortable with our struggles than our successes. But as you've discovered, true friendship supports growth and positive change. Your commitment to stability, safety, independence, and security is huge. These are the foundations of a fulfilling life, and it's great that you're focusing on them early
@F. Parker I couldn't agree more with you. It's refreshing to see someone so young prioritizing their well-being and setting boundaries. I've experienced similar shifts in my social circle as I've grown and changed. The loneliness during this transition can be tough, but it's worth it for every second of peace you gain. Your future self will thank you
@F. Parker I don’t know whether it’s a blessing or a curse but I developed self awareness at a very young age. Although it didn’t stop me from doing stupid things in my youth, experiencing a great deal of trauma forced me to [mentally] mature faster.
However, whether a person develops self awareness early on or later in life, it’s never too late learn to create boundaries and build self love/respect for themselves I believe. Boundaries, self love and respect aren’t heavily emphasised in modern society as they should be.
@Mitchel Yeah, the emphasis on boundaries and self-respect is indeed lacking in our society. We're often taught to prioritize others' needs over our own, which can lead to burnout and resentment. It's refreshing to see younger generations like yourself recognizing the importance of these concepts earlier in life. One thing I've noticed as I've gotten older is how the quality of relationships improves when you start prioritizing your own needs. It's a filter that helps you identify genuine ones. Those who respect your boundaries often turn out to be the most supportive and understanding friends
This is so true! I just recently started to consciously make a change in my life and what you're writing about is so evident. You're describing my exact experience. The way people react when you start prioritizing your own well-being is honestly shocking
I had this situation with my friend the other day. I simply asked her to check with me before sharing bad news, you know, just to make sure I'm in the right headspace. And guess what? She called me selfish! Now she's going around telling everyone I'm not a good friend. Hello? How is looking after my mental health selfish?
I'm realizing how blind I was to all of this before. I was living in this bubble where I thought I had to be available for everyone all the time
Your words made me so happy today because I'm seeing that I'm actually doing everything right
@acantu2024 I’m sorry to hear about how your “friend” reacted to you setting a boundary. It’s an entirely different discussion but I’ll be the first to tell you that most people these days don’t want real friends. They either: want someone they can treat like a therapist, someone who’ll co-sign on any and everything they do regardless of if it’s right or wrong or acquaintanceship. It’s exhausting. I’m proud of you for prioritising your wellbeing and setting that boundary, though. It’s a lot harder than most people know but you did it. I hope things continue to work in your favour as you redefine healthy friendships and social circles you create for yourself!
@acantu2024 the pleasure is all mine! There’s so much potential in us all, we just have to wake up and see it. I can’t tell you how much reading your reply put a smile on my face. Please continue taking care of yourself; in both big and little ways. Sending positive vibes your way, you’ve got this!
@Mitchel Thank you so much, Mitchel! Your words mean a lot to me. I never realized how much energy I was giving away until I started holding some back for myself. The funny thing is, now that I'm taking care of myself, I'm noticing how much more I have to give to the people who really matter
I've started doing little things for myself that I never used to do before. I feel so much better for it. I'm getting to know myself for the first time I think
@Mitchel I definitely continue to working towards the future I want to build for myself, thank you so much!! <3
I've lost most of my 'friends' after I lost weight and got better mental-wise. I guess some people didn't want to see my thriving, but that only fueled my to do better and bigger :)
@Kelly I’m sorry to hear that the people you wanted to call friends weren’t very supportive as they pretended to be, but it sounds like you’re in a much better place and that’s awesome! I love that for you, congratulations on your achievements and the future accomplishments to come! Never stop pursuing things that feel good for your and your wellbeing🎈
@Kelly Exactly this happened to me too. People suddenly got jealous when I started doing better, even folks I thought would be happy for me. The moment I started taking care of myself and seeing results, some friends just couldn't handle it. At first, I was really confused. I mean, shouldn't your friends want you to succeed? But then I realized it was more about their own insecurities than anything I did. It was definitely eye-opening, made me see who my real friends were
But hey, it's their loss, right? We're out here living our best lives, and if they can't handle that, it's on them. It's kinda sad though, 'cause I miss some of those friendships. But I guess that's just part of growing and changing. Anyway, good for you for keeping at it and not letting the haters bring you down!
@Kelly Exactly, Kelly! We're just here trying to be our best selves, and suddenly it's a problem for some people. I remember this one time, I posted a story from gym (which was a big deal for me, 'cause I used to be so self-conscious), and this girl I thought was my friend left replied to it saying: oh, we get it, you're fit now. It was so passive-aggressive! And then there were the friends who suddenly stopped inviting me to stuff. At first, I thought maybe I was just busy, but then I realized they were hanging out without me
@Mitchel thank you! It's been quite a journey, and I'm really happy with where I am now. Losing those friends was tough at first, but it opened my eyes to what true friendship means. Every day feels like a step forward. The best part is feeling good in my own skin. I wake up excited about the day ahead. Sure, there are still challenges, but I face them with a clearer mind
@adriana you don't expect this stuff to happen when you're just trying to improve yourself. I remember when I first started losing weight, I was so excited to share my progress with my friends. But instead of being happy for me, some of them started making these little comments. It really hurt at first. I couldn't understand why they weren't supporting me. But then I realized, like you said, it was all about their own stuff. They were comfortable with the old me, and the new me made them uncomfortable. It's weird how people can be threatened by your success, even in small things. But you're totally right, it's their loss. I've found new friends who are all about growth and positivity, and honestly, it's so much better. It's just a bummer that we have to lose people along the way. But I guess that's life
The part about energy vampires really resonated with me - I've had to distance myself from several people who seemed to thrive on negativity. I've also noticed that as I've become more solution-oriented, some friends have drifted away. But the quality of my relationships has improved so much. The friends who've stuck around are the ones who are also committed to growth and positivity. It's amazing how much more fulfilling life becomes when you surround yourself with like-minded folks. Your point about recovering being lonely is so true, but it's a small price to pay for long-term happiness and stability. Do you find that your new mindset has opened up unexpected opportunities in your life?
@lLindsey Hey Lindsey, I’m sorry to hear you’ve had to disconnect from people you thought had your best interest but didn’t. But I think it’s great you recognised a pattern and discontinued it before long, that takes courage and I’m proud of you! I hope that you continue to find, build and maintain relationships with people who are as genuine and supportive as they portray themselves to be!
Energy vampires are abundant in today’s society, that’s why it’s so important we create and uphold boundaries for ourselves. Protecting your peace is imperative! And while it gets lonely every now and then, adopting this mindset has saved me from so much unnecessary drama. I don’t have to exert energy entertaining irrelevant conversations, I don’t have to walk on eggshells around anyone and I’m allowed to be express myself however needed in moments of frustration.
Much like yourself and some others have shared in response to my post, it’s allowed me to find and create more healthier relationships with people who actually want to thrive and see me thrive as well. It’s refreshing.
@Mitchel you're absolutely right about the importance of boundaries - they've been a game-changer for me. I used to feel guilty about setting limits, but now I see how crucial they are for myself. It's interesting how this shift in mindset affects our social circles. The friends who've stuck around are truly supportive and inspiring. They challenge me to be my best self and celebrate my successes without jealousy, truly a breath of fresh air!
The thing with having the most friends when you're at your worst? Oh my god, yes! I never thought about it that way, but it's so true. Some people are more comfortable with you when you're struggling. But why should we stay in that place just to keep others happy? Hell no!
I'm in my mid-twenties too, and I'm feeling exactly the same way. It's time to leave all that drama behind. We deserve stability, safety, peace after all that shit that people put us through. It might mean losing some people along the way, but I'm starting to see that it's worth it 🫂
@Daniel Welch That sentence really spoke to me when I first heard it and encouraged me to do some more reflection. It’s refreshing to know I’m not the only person in their mid 20s feeling this way, so many other people in our age bracket either haven’t developed this awareness or are refusing to acknowledge it. Regardless, hoping we both find and maintain some healthy relationships. With ourselves and others. Cheers.🎈
I've noticed something else too. When I started focusing on my growth and positivity, I became a mirror for others. Some people didn't like what they saw in that mirror. They could've felt challenged or uncomfortable because my progress highlighted their lack of effort
Another thing I've experienced is the pressure to stay quiet and "humble". I was looked down for celebrating my wins, so the biggest red flag for me now is a person who can't be happy for me. If I've worked hard and made progress, I deserve to feel good about it. I used to be so guilty and afraid of sharing my progress, turns out, I was sharing it with the wrong people. I've outgrown a lot of relationships just because of this. Anyway, just my two cents, hope you're having a great day! ✨
@Sammy if I could pin your comment I would, oh my God yes! Being confident and secure will make so many people perceive your success as their failure which is weird to me. Everyone deserves to celebrate themselves and achievements without feeling guilty about it. Keep shining, you deserve to. It’s not your responsibility to help others with their insecurities.
I’ve had this exact thing happen to me with a former friend who actually tried to replicate me AND my personality. It was so strange considering she seemed like a sweet person. Regardless, I’m rooting for you, me, and others like us experiencing these issues!
I've always been a loner, and I totally get where you're coming from. Being alone has never bothered me much. In fact, I find it peaceful. I don't have to deal with other people's drama or try to fit in. It's just me and my thoughts, and I like it that way. People often ask me if I feel lonely, but honestly, I don't. I've learned to enjoy my own company. I can do what I want, when I want, without having to consider anyone else's bs. It's freeing, really
I've noticed that a lot of people can't stand being alone. They always need someone around, even if that person isn't good for them, but I think it's important to be comfortable with yourself first. If you can't stand your own company, how can you expect others to?
I think much more people could benefit from spending time alone, but they are either afraid to say no to meet the emotional needs of others (which I can sympathize with) or they are the energy vampires you mentioned (which I have no sympathy for)
@bodonnell.11 Came here to write this exact thing, wow. The universe keeps telling me I'm doing everything right. Thanks for this ❤️ I'm on the right path
I think it's awesome that you're focusing on solutions and not just problems. That takes guts. You're right about losing some friends when you start to change. It's sad, but it happens. I've noticed that too. People don't like it when you start doing better. Maybe it makes them feel bad about themselves, I don't know. But you're not wrong for wanting to improve your life
@CuteK it’s always affirming to meet others who understand and respect this. It is sad but it’s apart of life. I’d rather improve and lose people along the way than to remain stagnant and be in a place that’s not positive for my growth.
I just wanted to say that my heart goes out to you and every person that went trough this disappointment in people. It's not easy when people let you down or betray your trust. I too had those who didn't accept my boundaries and I had to part ways with them. As a hyper-emotional person, I understand how this can affect trust. It took me a long time to open up to others after being put down by someone I thought liked me
I love that you're striving to be kind, respectful, compassionate, and loving. Those are such beautiful qualities, and the world needs more people like you ❤️
One thing I've learned is that as you grow and change, you'll naturally attract new people who share your values. It might take some time, but you'll find them. And these new friendships will be so much more fulfilling because they're based on mutual growth and support. I also want to say that it's okay to have moments of doubt or to miss your old friends sometimes. Change isn't always easy, even when it's positive. Be gentle with yourself and remember that you're doing this for a good reason