There are 3 types of people when it comes to resolving conflict. There are people who seek emotional support, people searching for advice, and people who are complicit in their struggle. The third person is the type of person I avoid because they’re not looking to change the circumstances of their situation but to bring others down with their constant complaining. Energy vampires if you will. And I noticed that people who are solution focused are likely to be demonised. Not by those seeking emotional vulnerability or answers but by people who CHOOSE to remain in a state of suffering.
They have the power, resources and ability to make change but they refuse to for whatever reason. And they take issue with those of us who don’t want to be PROBLEM FOCUSED whether than SOLUTION DRIVEN. Something else I noticed after becoming selective social and mindful of who I give my time and energy to, is that once you stop entertaining conversations that are emotionally taxing or don’t feel productive to you, you’re no longer “relatable” for a lot of people.
Don’t want to talk about how misogynistic and predatory a lot of men are? Some women won’t entertain a conversation with you. Don’t have the capacity to continuously allow others to trauma dump on you? You’re a bad friend and emotionally unsafe to be around. Refuse to entertain a discussion about how “women have it easy”? You’re clearly a “simp.” It’s wild how people are more willing to entertain meaningless drama and problems instead of finding ways to overcome whatever issues they’re struggling with.
There was a TikTok that surfaced my FYP some weeks back of a creator saying, “You have the most friends when you’re at your worst” and I believe it. The second I began prioritising my wellbeing I lost “friends” left and right. Secret animosity developed, disrespectful behaviour increased and boundaries were continuously violated. It’s wild. Recovering is lonely but that’s a loneliness I’m willing to shoulder if it means upholding boundaries and respecting myself.
Where I’m at now, I don’t care to be relatable to anyone if it’s not in the sense of being a kind, respectful, compassionate and loving person. I don’t have the energy to entertain anything that’s not positive and I refuse to continuously put myself in situations/places or surround myself with people that aren’t as dedicated to improving their situation. Call me selfish, but I want a life of stability, safety, independence and security. I’m 25 almost 26, it’s time out for all that petty shit.
