Thank you all for supporting me!!! I don't feel so lonely now... But I have to sneakily read the site because we can't access the internet from my phone. For those who think that this is a good place for a child, I want to write my feelings.... I tell them to my mom when she says "you will become disciplined".I said, "You're a disciplinarian, aren't you?" She said, "Yes." "Do you like to lie down with your phone in the morning? " I ask her. I get an affirmative answer. To which I suggest my mom imagine that in the morning an officer is yelling near her ear, and if I don't jump out of bed immediately, I get a reprimand. And then I'm running cross-country. And mom hangs up the phone.She doesn't realize that it is so hard to tolerate the same person all day long, and an unpleasant one at that. There's always the same "..." in the ranks. He's the one who sleeps next to me. We share a bedside table with him. There's no other way. They yell at me for everything. I have to do everything fast. Guys are not nice around me. You can't look for sympathy and weakness, you have to expect aggression and have time to hit.I'm locked up like a prison, video surveillance everywhere, lesson control. You can't lie in bed during the day. There's a lot of sports. I'm sick of it all. I could probably escape, but where to?I'm not welcome anywhere, my parents don't need me. I don't have any friends here yet. I have to be aggressive, otherwise I will be considered a loser.

There's always a tough officer around, and instead of sympathy, he yells at me not to whine. All in all, my childhood was a success

I lost my close friend. He was only 35 years old when he passed away. The driver who caused this tragedy did not stop to help, instead, he drove away. It's hard to imagine how someone could be so callous and leave a person to die. The driver has not been caught yet, but I hope they are found soon and held accountable for his actions. He should face the maximum penalty for what he has done. My heart is shattered, and I am filled with anger. Don't know how to leave my life knowing I can never see or talk to my friend again..

A lot of the time, people hear “social media influencer” and think of brand ambassadors and celebrities. More often than not, people will also roll their eyes when said influencers complain about hardships they experience because content creation is often associated with entitled rich people who have no self-awareness or faces challenges like that of the average person. That’s understandable, but what a LOT of people don’t know is that being a content creator isn’t as luxurious as they believe.

There’s this misconception that EVERY social media influencer (or person with a platform) is “rich” or financially stable enough to survive off their earnings which is FALSE. How do I know? Because I’M a content creator and have been financially struggling even AFTER coming into a platform. My situation isn’t an isolated case, either. Statistically speaking, in order to be considered an “influencer”, a user must have 500K followers MINIMUM across their platforms, and I’m only a little less than half. Additionally, every sponsor is different. With my circumstances, I only receive 10% of commission IF a person uses my referral link and discount code during checkout.

I don’t have many sponsors but that’s for a reason. If I’m going to collaborate with a company, I do extreme research because I don’t want to promote a brand that’s harmful or negatively impacts the environment, community, etc. While my content is very versatile, I try to send the overall message of spread kindness, creativity and education.

I love being content creator because I have the opportunity to educate, entertain and encourage younger black and brown creatives with my content which is a personal mission statement I chose for myself, but the disadvantages make it exhausting. Platforms are constantly hiding black and brown creators content which means we have to work twice as hard. There’s also a lot of racism and discrimination within fandom spaces which is why I have comment filters enabled because every day I wake up, I have bigots calling me slurs. I have to deal with queer phobia, fetishising and other derogatory remarks. I have people assuming I’m “intimidating” because of my platform or believe I’m entitled because most media influencers are. Don’t even get me started on the defamation of character I experienced that started over another person’s envy.

I’m hesitant to collaborate with other creators because I’ve had to continuously disassociate with people who’ve been outed as abusers and predators in the recent past. I’m wary to befriend other creators because I’ve had people take advantage of my kindness and only see me for my platform and not as a person. After being DOXED by a former friend who was jealous I came into a platform, I acquired stalkers who TO THIS DAY, continue to harass me. It’s exhausting.

The anxiety inducing thing about it all is that the more my platform grows, the more my privacy shrinks. I’ve lost friends and relationship partners because of stalkers and people from my platform being invasive, prying into my private life even when it wasn’t publicised, and as a result I stopped sharing milestones of my recovery. I’m being recognised in public and other places I frequent which makes me fearful for my safety. I am not a celebrity or someone with extreme notoriety for me to experience any of this and it’s incredibly frustrating because when I try to be vulnerable about my frustrations, people downplay the seriousness of it.

I don’t know about anyone else, but it doesn’t feel good to vocalise distress about being followed and for a majority of responses to be, “That means you’re famous!” or “that’s so cool, I wish I had stalkers!” Yes I can delete and filter negative or derogatory comments, and yes I can disconnect and take breaks from media. I do it frequently to preserve my mental and emotional health. What I can’t do however is put the stalking to an end and pursue legal action to ensure that.

I don’t want to be hyper vigilant or over analytical of everything because that fear can deprive me of a lot of opportunities. I do my best to keep a clear mind and open heart but repeatedly experiencing traumatising situations in real time triggers me beyond belief. I love being a “social media influencer” but it’s exhausting.

I have ADHD and I've been told that people with ADHD often struggle with compulsive behavior, which I can definitely relate to. I hate that this part of my condition holds me back from becoming the person I want to be. To combat these urges, I've had to delete my social media, quit drinking, and am currently battling a gambling addiction that is the only thing that brings me any joy.

Since the passing of my mother, things have gotten even worse. I feel lonely, as I'm an introvert and often isolate myself from others because I find it hard to deal with the emotions of those around me. I feel like I've borrowed so much money to gamble that I'm a burden to those around me, and I'm tired of having to constantly rebuild my life. I feel like I'm not worthy of a better life and that I'm a lost cause.