Hey there, I'm Muskan and I'm 19yrs old . My life is complete mess . Let me explain how , my parents don't like and even they told me to die or someday they will kill me . Idk why they wanted me died like i did everything to please them nd now I'm tired of this . Me and my parents often argue over things , according to them i should stay at home nd should marry . Just because I'm a girl it doesn't mean they can treat me like shit. We're three siblings, my two brothers are my mother's favourite child for them my mother even die , and for me I'm their useless child . Just because I can't get love from my parents, I was finding love outside nd because of this i easily get attached to people and maximum time they abandon me . Like my boyfriend, he abandon me every time for his friends and stupid me , I still want him . Idk why I'm still living. I should end my life. There's no one for me

He called me 10 days ago after he had block me during 3 months when we supposed kind of be together even if there was not a compromise he told me that we were together we where friends and then when his mother died and because he was feeling with lots of emotions and very sad and difficulties he told me one day that he wanted to be alone and I was sad and I tried to contact him many times and he blocked me then he called me 10 days ago I was so happy and received his phone call and he told me he will invite me for a coffee whenever because he wanted we talk and that he had been going through strong situations and because I love him I was comprehensive and I told him of course then I have been waiting the invitation for the coffee 10 days ago !!!

I just text him like hello I look forward for our coffee and he reply the next day: Hi how are you, yes I will let you know and then... I answered okd with a happy face, then I texted him after 3 days : Hello I hope that you are well and that my messages don't overwhelm you, thank you for your kindness and for being a beautiful person and you know that you can count always on me, then he didn'answered and I feel so disappointed I feel like he is playing with me or maybe needs space and he will contact me when I stop contacting like he wants to make the next step and I need to not call him not text him so I decided to erase his number from my telephone but I think a lot about him I'm suffering because we live at the same town and it's a small town and I can see him maybe one day and I will love one explanation from him I need your help please I can't deal this by myself

I don’t crave alcohol, but whenever I drink I can’t stop and get drunk very quickly. I am an emotional person and I get so stressed at my work that I’m waiting for my weekends to lie low and do nothing. I have absolutely no desire or energy to go out. There’s always a bottle of wine and 2-3 beers in my fridge. I drink during lunch, then have some more at dinner, and by 6pm I’m out of my wits and just black out wherever I am. The worst nightmare happens in the morning, with debilitating hangover and depressive thoughts. I can’t drink on Sundays or I simply won’t be able to work the next day. So I just live through the day as best I can and tell myself this was the last time I’ve ruined it. After one or two days I’m back to normal and forget how bad I’d felt, and next weekend the cycle repeats.

This Saturday my mother arrived uninvited and found me puking on my sofa. I don’t quite remember the rest, but she stayed, and the next morning it got me. I felt so defeated and embarrassed. I was scared to talk to her. She looked so worried. She told me about the old guy I knew who had died two years ago, drank himself to death. I didn’t know him well and he was 63, but I felt sick to be compared to him. Am I that lost? My mother thinks I need help, she begged me to take a vacation and do something about it. I promised her to consider. I still feel terrible and barely cope with my work. Friday is approaching and for the first time I dread it. I don’t even enjoy drinking. I’ve become boring, lacking creativity, rarely meeting with friends, because I lack motivation to do so. I don’t know how I am going to break out of this cycle. I know I need to before I lose myself all together.

My parrot suddenly died a week ago. Now I want to get another pet to replace my friend, yet I feel so weak. Losing them feels like losing family, even if it’s a parrot, or a hamster! On the other hand, there’s nothing like coming home and having someone waiting for you, always happy to see you, just to cuddle, sit on your shoulder, or beg for food. Our relationships with animals aren’t the same as with human friends. There’s no financial interest or intellectual aspect to it. Pets love us unconditionally, like children love their parents. We don’t have to pretend around them, we can be ourselves in our purest, most naked form. Vulnerable and sincere. When they leave us, it’s impossible to replace that void with anything; there’s nothing like it. The free and perfect love and joy pets bring us goes straight to the heart. Their only goal is to please us, to comfort in their awkward ways. They want very little and give much more.

I had a golden retriever for 9 years (before I got a parrot). She helped me through a lot of difficult times in my life. We moved from city to city, we went hiking together, she was always with me. I adopted a parrot weeks after her death and felt guilty about it for a long time. I physically needed to have a “replacement” in my home, I didn’t find the courage to adopt another dog. It felt almost like betraying my love for Romy.

And now I’m facing a similar situation. I’m not emotionally ready to have another pet, at the same time I hate waking up in an empty flat. Don’t know what to do. I can’t live without a pet, yet I can’t lose any more of my family members 😭