Hello! I have a lot to say. I am trying to keep it short.There are lot of issues in my family.One among them is - My dad and mom had parted ways when I was 4 years old. My dad is a psycho. He always troubles our family. There are lot of issues between us in the court and police. I and my mom are currently in my grandparent's house.I do not have a sibling and cousin. I have two cousins,but they are kids.So, I dont have anyone to share my feelings. I do not have friends because no one in this world is interested to help with other's problems. Everyone wants to have friends only just to have fun. No one is true to no one. I just have friends only for formality both in school and college. I am not in touch with my school friends because of the reason I mentioned above. I am currently doing my 2nd year college. I dont like the friends circle here. It was not as expected. I have 2 good friends around me in college. But they too dont understand my problems. Even though they know that I have many issues in my life,they speak only about college matter and other fun stuffs. I always suppress all my feelings inside me since my school life and I got used to that. Now, it has led me into trouble. I cant tolerate it anymore. I want a person to share my feelings and I too want to be true to that person. I need either a friend, cousin, sibling like person or a life partner. I am a loyal,caring, trustable and helping minded person and I need a person with the same qualities for me. I never leave people and run away during their toughest times.But it is hard to find people who do the same to me. It is not possible in this world.

I joined BFSc course in college with my own,whole hearted interest. But I am unable to focus on it even though I want to. I am zero now. I dont know what to do. I feel jealous by seeing people with siblings. They help each other in difficult times and by seeing that I always feel that I dont have anyone for me. It puts me into so much stress. I lack concentration and focus in things I love to do. I got addicted to phone by playing games,listening to music and watching videos because i dont have any true people around me to speak with. I am lagging in everything in my life. I always overthink. I have insomnia. I have fear to mingle with people because my dad always troubles whoever are our close friends or relatives. Surely most of my friends will not be friend with me if my dad troubles them too. Because my friends cant understand my issues. They have been brought up by their parents so happily without facing any issues. So if they know about my dad , they will surely dont be friend with me. ( I am not assuming it.I promise. I analyse people so deeply and correctly. 90% ).

I and 3 of my friends usually walk to our college after getting down from the bus daily. One is a boy and the other 3 are girls. We are dayscholars. My dad once saw us walking together in the road. He came to a temple in that road. I suddenly stopped speaking to my friend and walked fast in front so that my dad will not trouble them. But he went behind and spoke with that boy and asked why he spoke with me. That boy is my good friend . He told that I am his friend. And then my dad warned him and went immediately. My dad did this to give mental torture to me. He didnt mistake that boy. And then when I went near my friend and asked what he said, my friend told no problem we can go. And then I asked him again. Then he told me what my dad said. I called my mom and she apologised to my friend. My friend told he did not mistake me and it is not an issue. He is a good friend . But my doubt is from that day to till now he did not ask me what is the issue between me and my father. He did not ask me what problem i am facing in my life. He always speaks only about fun stuff daily in college. So , i feel he is not a true friend . He only wants to have fun with me. He is good,loyal, helping minded person. But I dont understand why my friends dont care about my issues.

My dad may again come to that road and make more trouble than before. My fear is people around me in that road may mistake the problem and think that I am not obeying my dad. So I feel helpless. My mom told about that incident to the court and the judge warned my dad. But as I told my dad is a psycho he will trouble us again.

In future wherever I go for work or higher studies , there also my father may trouble me , and I feel that people around me wont help me and understand me. That is my major problem. Most of the people in this world are selfish and dont want to help others. I feel so depressed nowadays. I am helpless. I have mentioned here only some of my issues. A lot are there...Please help me out. I am helpless.

Idk why but my problems are not decreasing instead they're doubling day by day. My father is not supporting us financially and always used to say he spent all his money on us. I am paying rent and bearing most of the expenses and still become the suspect.

I don't want to live such life where I am unable to cope with my mental and physical health and still listening wrong about myself.

I am struggling really hard to earn and get settle but my father always do something that worsen the situation.

I can't even buy a two wheeler for me as that money can be used in the house or anywhere if emergency occurs.

I can't buy this because if I bought it, there's parking issue so i have to park it outside the home that may cause yhe robbery.

Another reason is petrol/electricity bill taht i will have to bear because neither my father nor my younger brother who is also working in family business can afford to pay such.

If i say anything to anyone or if I put any status on wsap insta, people talk shit about me my mom starts scolding at me that you shouldn't do this. Instead of becoming my support system, everyone is becoming the source of stress for me.

Idk what to do but I am done with this and I can't afford to bare anymore. I am literally tired of everything.

Lately, my crying patterns have changed. Previously, I would cry at night when feeling sad, but now I find myself crying unexpectedly, often in an exaggerated and intense manner, with difficulty breathing. What's particularly concerning is that even before encountering genuinely sad situations, I tear up, I've noticed a significant increase in my crying, a stark contrast to my childhood where I prided myself on rarely shedding tears. Now, it seems like I've become more emotionally vulnerable. Whether it's someone raising their voice at me or engaging in a disagreement, the intensity of my tears has heightened. What's particularly unsettling is the surge in instances where I find myself crying intensely, even in situations that never used to evoke tears. The feeling of crying without an apparent reason has become more frequent and overwhelming for me.

Particularly during poignant scenes in love stories where a character faces death, and their partner is left grieving, I experience a peculiar sensation within me. In those moments, an overwhelming and intense urge to cry takes hold, despite my rational understanding that it's merely a work of fiction. This has left me uncertain about the mental and emotional challenges that may be underlying these reactions.

I've been experiencing an unsettling trend of increasingly negative vibes, a feeling that has been intensifying over the past few months. Loneliness has become a constant companion, and as a 15-year-old, navigating these emotions can be challenging. It seems like even small things are triggering profound feelings within me, to the extent that I find it difficult to contain my tears at times. This emotional struggle is becoming more apparent, and I'm unsure how to cope with it.

Are there any ways to control emotions or let them out without being aggressive to everyone around me? My sister says I have anger issues.

Irritation and anger plague my every waking moment. I know all the reasons. I’ve lived alone for years, and now I have to look after my elderly grandfather. I know I’m doing the right thing, and I’m the only one who can do it. My sister is a single mother with two small kids. I honestly thought I’d be much better at it. I used to work from home, now I deliberately go out to coffee shops and malls to have a few hours alone with myself. But I’m always surrounded by people, and I hate it. Little noises trigger me and I lash out at strangers. I’m tired of saying “sorry”. It’s like some part of me has woken up inside, and it’s always waiting for bad things to happen. Last week I came back for dinner to feed grandfather and give him pills and my sister arrived. We’ve had an agreement that she’d come in the evenings, and I’d be able to leave for a while. Turns out it’s inconvenient for her, because obviously she has more time when her kids are at school. It pissed me off so much!! I was ready to smash the cake she brought against the window. I suppressed my feelings of rage as best I could and left the room. But she still came in to tell me not to slam the door in her face. Am I disgusting, or are my family members ungrateful ********?

Sometimes the dumbest things set me off, like unexpected calls from the office. I’ve asked them to schedule our meetings beforehand, since I can’t jump into a video call at a minute’s notice, I may be walking to the cafeteria or be busy with my grandfather when someone decides they need to discuss something stupid right this moment. Logically, I know it’s not my place to raise my voice at my colleagues. But I just can’t control myself. They’re so frustrating! All I want is to be left alone. I want to scream and break things, and not to regret it. I don’t want this responsibility in my life. It’s too stressful and it makes me a bad person. I hate to be angry. How can I stop it?