the way this person destroyed my existence is insane. it went from end 2019 to mid 2023 and i'm still stuck and tbh i don't think i will ever feel better.
for 3 years the way she disrespected me was so insidious i doubted about myself, it's not like that she was just mean or playing innocent, no it was like she would make you become the creator of the issue she herself made? some of the tactics included:
she belittled me during my harassement bc i wasn't entertaining her, she gaslighted on stupid stuff me when i caught her, lie by omission then make it my fault even tho i was chill, take credits for my works, twist my words not to admit fault, use adhd to cover wrongdoings that has absolutely nothing to do with it, love bombed skills to weaponize incompetence and use me, defend someone hurting me, steal ideas or friends or way of being or personal childhood interests, no support for success or pain, stalk, mock people being humiliated, make a competition out of everything, project her jealousy, silent treatment, double standards, would avoid me for bdays but celebrate unknown ppl, would reproduce my fears i told her about, hide her moves under the rug and make me ask about it the issue, and the worst she stole my trauma to pretend it was hers etc. i know i'm missing a lot more but phew
i finally stood up and as she saw it was really over she pretended being the one leaving me, implying i always had been the issue (for not letting abuse pass? lol) her last paragraph still resonates because she used my triggers in doing, until now i have this rage about this last moment i wish it didn't end in her making me apologize, i wish i could have stated the truth. and the other thing that makes me so angry is that she is pretending being the victim by stealing my story, no one ever did that to me before.
nowadays i notice i have a lot of issues linked to my body? i didn't realize psychological abuse would impact so much:
my friend was so worried she gave me the contact of her therapist, i started taking antidepressants not to kms, was hard not to sh, lost pounds until i was under normal bmi, i lost all the physical strength and mental motivation for my artistic passions, i isolate..
and i discovered the past months many things that might be caused by cortisol, hormone created by high stress:
gained 10kg in 1 week for no reason, losing eyesight quality, wanting to pee more frequently as if my body was always in nervosity, back pain because of being in constant tension, probably developing pcos because of the stress gain etc
i hate what i became and it's too late now in life to achieve what i wanted due to that i don't see the point of staying on earth for long, i just know and i promised myself that i will expose my abuser before dying
