Post
jo
josephine69674
1y ago

My closest friends stopped talking to me

In the past, I experienced a sudden loss of communication with three of my closest friends. It happened in quick succession, and it's concerning that none of them are friends with each other. I can't help but wonder if I'm the reason for this sudden change.

Despite my best efforts to keep in touch, such as sending them birthday texts once a year, I never receive a response. It's frustrating because I know people who still talk to them and have their numbers. I'm certain they haven't changed their numbers or anything.

Whenever I come across their social media posts or old pictures of us together, it triggers negative emotions in me. I feel angry, self-conscious, and depressed. I'm not sure what to do. Is there any chance of rekindling our friendship, or should I accept that it's a lost cause?

Specialist answer
6
3
0
Trauma
Dr. Elisabeth Jones
1y
Specialist

Hello!

It is certainly unpleasant when friends do this. Of course, this causes you negative emotions. Especially when you don’t know the reasons.

I guess one of the options. Perhaps your friends got offended over something, but they couldn’t tell about it and therefore decided to stop communicating. In this case, you can directly ask the question: “Did I offend you somehow?” and offer to talk. You can also write to each of your friends about how important he/she is to you and that you would like to keep the relationship.

I also suggest that you perform one technique that will help resolve the situation. It’s called “50/50”.

For this technique, you will need a sheet of paper and a pen. Divide the sheet into two equal columns. Make a “cap” on top and sign the names. The first column will be called “My 50%. Something I can control.”, the second one - “Other person’s 50%. Something I can’t control.”

Then write down everything that depends on you in the first column. For example:

 change your attitude to the situation;

 write to friends about your emotions and worries;

 switch attention to communication with other people.

In the second column, write down everything that doesn’t depend on you and you can’t control. For example:

 friend’s reaction to my messages;

 friend’s desire to communicate with me;

 my friends’ behavior.

Focus on activities under your control. Do your best in this situation. Even this won’t bring results; at least you will know that you have made every possible effort.

bu
bubu
1y

I agree it's unpleasant but I don't think you are a reason to it, if you are far away from each other it's very much possible that you all are just busy with your lives and new colleagues, and of course when you'll meet or decide to have a get together you'll get along perfectly, I have experienced the same and I simply call this adulting that no matter how long you haven't talked to each other or have not met, it's okay and pick things up exactly from there where you left last time, it is a part of growing up and change, so do not feel that it's wrong or something, and I don't see why you feel you are a reason that the communication has stopped because it's just something normal which happens when people or friends travel somewhere else to work or study or anything, what matters is when you meet or talk they should be the same old friend and not someone with their new found ego


And if you want to get it back then of course there is a chance, initiate conversations approach them, plan a get together see each other

mi
miathermopolis
1y

well I see it it as simple a consequence of adulting I suppose, it happens and is very normal, people tend to drift apart once they're caught up with their work or life away from their hometown or friends, I can relate because I moved out to study but that doesn't mean I don't wanna talk to my old friends and family, but unfortunately I don't get time at all, and I mean it , at all to even ring up my friends, infact there are days I can't even catch up with my parents, but it's okay, and it doesn't mean something wrong has happened or has been dine from your side, just try approaching them and I am sure they'll be equally elated to see you as much as you

More on this topic

How to proceed after you realized you’re claustrophobic?

I risk to sound stupid, but I think I’ve suddenly realized I feel afraid in tight spaces. I don’t know what changed. This never used to be a problem before. Maybe when I was younger, I was smaller and somehow such places didn’t seem tight? Or maybe I knew less when younger and had more optimistic views? Not sure. All I know is I can’t handle being in rooms with no exit. It’s not just a feeling of unease or feeling uncomfortable… I feel dread. My lungs begin to fail me, and I sense a rising sense of panic. The problem is I’m not talking about the obvious fears like elevators, those can be avoided by taking the stairs. Recently I’ve caught myself being anxious when I am in closed spaces with a lot of people! The first time it happened, I was in an underground nightclub with two of my friends. The place is popular, many people visit it every night. And I think I was the first person in history to almost faint shortly after we arrived there. I felt nervous the moment we descended a narrow staircase, maybe because the club was packed with people, and I don’t like such places. While my friends were having their first round of shots, my brain was calculating how fast this place would get on fire and how many people would be able to get out at once using that staircase! I convinced myself that it was the smell of cigarettes and sweat that went to my head and made me dizzy. But how can I explain that I get the shivers when my niece watches a scene where the main character finds himself inside the belly of a monster?? Me, the 25-year-old grownup, has to turn away to stop my mind from picturing myself inside that slimy bag of skin! My last straw was my panic in the theater on Saturday night that almost made my fiancée call the ambulance… I think I fear my sense of fear more than anything else now! We were sitting in the middle, with narrow rows of seats and a palpable sense of closeness to other people in front of me and behind. All my mind could think of was this crowd, and the distance to the closest exit. When the lights dimmed and the person to the right from me took his seat, I went off the rails… The urge to flee, to escape the confinement of the room was more than any desire to see the show. My fiancée said he saw the blood literally drain out of my face. What do I do now? Do I have to avoid crowded events now, and meticulously plan my routes to ensure escape?? What if I begin to fear flying? After all, it’s technically sitting with a bunch of people in a metallic box in thin air. This is crazy. 😫

Trauma

His wife and I are the same now

His wife and I are the same now

Yes! Now his wife and I are the same! I'm the second woman in his cage.... I easily agreed to have a relationship with him knowing he was married. What's it to me? I just want to have fun. And how well we had fun!!! Dancing, drinking, sex. He gave me money to support myself. My friends envied me: I had a rich lover. Everything was great! He even had feelings for me. The businessman, who was tough in life, allowed me everything, even to say mean things to him. I was allowed everything, I was a "favorite doll". I didn't work, he gave me enough money. Beautiful! But then, from all the beauty in my life, I started to fall in love with him. I got jealous of his wife.My wife had been jealous for a long time, she was against my husband's "absences". And I laughed at it, and thought "poor guy, you can't even have fun anymore". And then I started to get jealous. I didn't want him to organize evenings with friends, he should be only with me. I'm his favorite doll, I'm the prettiest, I have good sex. And we started having arguments. At one point he said, "You're like a wife. "I used to have a good time with you, and now these scandals. And now I'm like a bored doll thrown, figuratively speaking, in the closet. And lover's outings continue. We are now with his wife became a "friend in misfortune", who lost the fight against" walks. I want him back, what to do ...

Trauma

Coming out makes things worse!

Hello to everyone with mental health disorders and other mental illnesses.

My question is how you communicate with people dear to you about your diagnosis, and how often you think it’s better not to open up? Have you told your coworkers or your partner's relatives about your diagnosis?

I have a borderline personality disorder, and I normally keep it a secret because of how most people change when they think you’re mental. I know that my biggest problem is overreacting to tiniest emotional spikes, and I’m working on it, but I accept that there will be emotional breakdowns for the rest of my life, and the best I can do is forgive myself for my mood swings. My family knows that I’m seeing a therapist, and it helps, for I feel they’re more patient with me now and give me space to calm down when I’m losing it. But I don’t know, maybe it’s just because they’re parents and their love is unconditional?…

My only attempt to open up to someone I loved was a mistake. We broke up weeks after that, and from the moment he knew about BPD, things went downhill. There was probably a great deal of my fault in that. I always attract men younger than myself and end up disbelieving their feelings for me are real. But I still think that how my ex reacted before he found out about my BPD and after were two different things. At the peak of our breakdown he said I was an underdeveloped child who needed to grow up… It’s really hurting because I’m struggling to be a grownup who can control her emotions, and this person knew it. Why did I expect him to be more understanding? He could have read about BPD to see that there’re not only bad emotions… My sensitive part goes both ways, and I can be a caring and loving partner. Telling anyone else but my closest people about my war with myself makes me feel very vulnerable. I think it’s easier to explain my rage or impulsive behavior by just saying I’m stressed and apologizing. They don’t need to know about BPD.

Trauma

need help dealing with trauma

hi everyone, i'm new here and i really need some advice. i'm f, 18-year-old nd i've been struggling with some stuff from my past. i don't know where else to turn, so i thought i'd try here. when i was little, my parents fought a lot. they would yell and throw things. sometimes i had to hide in my closet to feel safe. i remember feeling so scared and alone. as i got older, things got a bit better, but the memories still haunt me. i have nightmares sometimes and i get really anxious when people raise their voices. i've never really talked about this with anyone before. i guess what i'm asking is, how do you deal with childhood trauma? does it ever get better? i feel like i'm stuck. i recently had a fight with my bf and it brought it all back. is it normal to still be affected by things that happened years ago?

Trauma