I feel you should talk to your mom, and make her change herself, help her change her, as far as I see your mother doesn't envy you or something for being a transgender seems like it's just the outsiders, so try to convince her to leave this addiction, be her support, at times it is difficult to accept parents with their abuse but doesn't really mean accept accept, accept them and help them change be with them instead to running away to personal apartments
I guess you should really talk to your mother about it deeply, because I know this hurts, tell her how her behavior makes you feel and tell her you wish to see support from her and stand with you. Also push her to get better for you, look most of such scenarios end up with families separating which is hurtful, so why can't we just try to mend things up why it has to end with separations and no talking, or changing houses, no try to talk try to be there for each fix each other even if you all are being a problem for each other, communicate and find solution to be with each other, and yes I feel you should consider taking your mother to a doctor for her addiction, because it's not okay ignoring it
@miathermopolis Do you seriously think a drug-addicted mom who's also abusive to her child is going to change after talking to her? In a situation where even going to the authorities didn't help?
It's so hard for you to live! Hold on! You're thinking about whether to leave or not..... Get out of there as soon as possible!!! Live separately at all costs!!! You'll feel better already! Don't be afraid!!! Write in this app to get support!!!
think about whether it's about your transgenderism. If your mom is who she is, you would be negatively affected even without the gender issue. You are already 20 years old, and there is definitely a way to find a job and live separately. You need to look for it.
@casperadella Great answer I think definitely we must live separately from our parents and take always care from them but first look for our wellbeing
Hello!
Unfortunately, relationships with relatives, especially with parents, are not always straightforward. But it is within our power to change the situation, build personal boundaries and teach how to interact with close people in a ne w way. Here is a step-by-step strategy that will help you in this.
1) Recognize the problem
To solve a problem, it is necessary to recognize its existence. Some (or many) aspects of your relationship with your mother make you uncomfortable, and you would like to change it. This does not mean that you are a bad daughter, don’t love her and don’t appreciate what she has done for you. But the existing relationship is bad, and it is worth trying to improve it.
2) Accept your mother’s features (it doesn’t mean “forgive”)
Even many psychologists confuse the concepts of “acceptance” and “forgiveness” when it comes to parents.To accept is to recognize that an adult is who he is, and it is unlikely that he will change (especially at your will, not at his own will). Then act with that in mind. For example, your mother is demanding and despotic. You may require her to follow certain rules in communicating with you, but you cannot make her a different person - softer, kinder, more responsible, etc. Make your plans based on this reality, not hoping that one day your mother will miraculously change, understand and appreciate you.
3) Set boundaries of acceptable
Assume that your mother will not guess about your needs. She got used to the manner of communication and behavior that has developed over the years. Your task is to explain the new rules so that your mother understands them. To do this, you must first get right with yourself. What habits of your mother in interaction with you especially annoy you, and which ones can just be ignored? Which can you stand, but infrequently? What do you generally consider acceptable and unacceptable in communicating with you?
4) Agree on new communication rules
It is better to start setting new rules with a process of confrontation. Confrontation in this case is an open and honest conversation with your mother about what exactly you don’t like in your communication and how you want to see it in the future. So you finally recognize your right to emotions that have been suppressed for years, and express them to the addressee. If the heat of passion is too high and you are afraid to slip into an ordinary skirmish, we recommend that you first practice and then send your mother a carefully thought-out letter.
To express everything that has accumulated over the years of toxic communication or not – it depends on circumstances. Be sure to clearly formulate the rules of your communication in the future.
5) Stand your ground
You will have to be persistent. Most likely, your mother thinks that everything is fine, and she is not eager to change anything. Most often, parents use two tactics: waiting and resisting.
If your mother is rather calm and balanced, she simply won’t believe that you are serious with these rules of yours, and will wait until you give up the “independence game”. If your mother is suppressive and critical, she will actively oppose the “new order”. In “hard cases” she can start a real war. You should also be mentally prepared for this. In the worst case, she will use ignoring and silence, turning other relatives against you, demonstrative “heart attacks” and even accusations of insanity. You will most likely want to give in to return everything as it was - this is exactly what is expected of you. However, it is important not to give up and stand your ground. Adopt a system of positive and negative reinforcement. In a neutral tone, repeat your demands over and over until they reach the addressee, and show that undesirable actions have their consequences.
We wish you good luck!