it's kind of the sequel of the end of my latest post.
i will only bring recent exemples but imagine it's recurrent situations.
earlier it was my birthday, this year i decided to celebrate it fully alone because by the past i haven't been honoured the decent way.
and they proved me i was right to do so.
first none in my family proposed a plan to me, a simple restaurant or even house party with just the 3 of us (even tho it's not on d-day because of work it's fine) unlike it would be for other members. they actually didn't even ask if i had already plans and didn't ask about my day after at all, they actually talked about theirs, as if i didn't matter.
also my dad usually call us when it's our birthdays, and he didn't for me.
tho at 11pm before the end of my day my mom gave me a gift, it's been years she didn't so it's the only person i didn't expect something from. and she is the only one that gifted me something, i'm not materialistic at all, but it's just knowing there was a thought about me. she also brought me a cake, later she told me she actually saw my favorite cake but chose this one instead because my sister prefered this one. yep on my birthday.
for context actually my sister birthday was 2 weeks before and she wasn't with us and couldn't celebrate, so it's actually ok for me to celebrate hers with mine! it's just that i know that the opposite: others adapting to me wouldn't happen, and that once again i can't have my day about me.
tonight my sister turned on tv and i suggested to put a game for all the family to play, she said no because she has priority "because she wasn't at home latest days so she chose the program" she actually chose a game for herself but giving the questions to my mom, so they were playing together, leaving me out of the fun basically, i don't get why...
few days ago she was happy to ask me for 700$, take my clothes, but i can't even in return just have simple interest from them.
does she hate me? i don't even do something bad, i admit i'm emotional and negative because of the environment etc but i always try to be giving and helpful to her, i love my sister so much i could give my life to her but i feel she take me for granted, i only ask her to care when i open my mouth that's all.
is it my fault like did i ever show a signal that i don't require much? but the thing is when i show i expect i end disappointed, but well see even when i try to be prepared i still end hurt.
tbh i feel so embarassed to communicate about it, everytime it's always i'm too sensitive so i learned to shut up.
