Post
se
semicolon
34d ago

my family doesn't really care for me

it's kind of the sequel of the end of my latest post.

i will only bring recent exemples but imagine it's recurrent situations.


earlier it was my birthday, this year i decided to celebrate it fully alone because by the past i haven't been honoured the decent way.

and they proved me i was right to do so.


first none in my family proposed a plan to me, a simple restaurant or even house party with just the 3 of us (even tho it's not on d-day because of work it's fine) unlike it would be for other members. they actually didn't even ask if i had already plans and didn't ask about my day after at all, they actually talked about theirs, as if i didn't matter.

also my dad usually call us when it's our birthdays, and he didn't for me.


tho at 11pm before the end of my day my mom gave me a gift, it's been years she didn't so it's the only person i didn't expect something from. and she is the only one that gifted me something, i'm not materialistic at all, but it's just knowing there was a thought about me. she also brought me a cake, later she told me she actually saw my favorite cake but chose this one instead because my sister prefered this one. yep on my birthday.

for context actually my sister birthday was 2 weeks before and she wasn't with us and couldn't celebrate, so it's actually ok for me to celebrate hers with mine! it's just that i know that the opposite: others adapting to me wouldn't happen, and that once again i can't have my day about me.


tonight my sister turned on tv and i suggested to put a game for all the family to play, she said no because she has priority "because she wasn't at home latest days so she chose the program" she actually chose a game for herself but giving the questions to my mom, so they were playing together, leaving me out of the fun basically, i don't get why...

few days ago she was happy to ask me for 700$, take my clothes, but i can't even in return just have simple interest from them.

does she hate me? i don't even do something bad, i admit i'm emotional and negative because of the environment etc but i always try to be giving and helpful to her, i love my sister so much i could give my life to her but i feel she take me for granted, i only ask her to care when i open my mouth that's all.


is it my fault like did i ever show a signal that i don't require much? but the thing is when i show i expect i end disappointed, but well see even when i try to be prepared i still end hurt.

tbh i feel so embarassed to communicate about it, everytime it's always i'm too sensitive so i learned to shut up.

Specialist answer
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Veena Choudhary
14d
Specialist

Hey, I'm so sorry you're experiencing this. It's very hurtful and painful to be ignored or pushed to one side. This can be dealt with through communication.


  • You have to first write down what things affected you which your mother said or did not do. only when you clearly state down your expectation it would help you. The goal is to share your emotions assertively with examples stating of why and when did you feel hurt. you will not feel disappointed when you communicate clearly what you want but even after that if your mom doesn't reciprocate or understand then remember problem is not with you. You cant change people but you can only control your behaviour and how you feel. Remember you gave it all and that defines you as a person, that shows your values.


Now lets address being taken for granted by your sister. It starts gradually but you would not seen it initially now as time passes by you realise she doesn't reciprocate back those feelings, she doesn't listen to you or give you the importance when required, expect more from you which is unfair, repeatedly asking you for favours without returning back. When this sort of boundary is crossed it is challenging to speak up for yourself and set proper give and take relationship. It is important that you deal with this now if not it will affect your happiness.

First i want you to assess your relationship with sister. has it been always like this with your sister or initially she would reciprocate the same feelings, consider your needs, give you the importance, has done something for you or has she changed now? you need to understand if she has changed now then why and what happened? if she was like this from beginning then what made you realise this? what triggered your thoughts? Answering these questions will help you give clarity to communicate with your sister.


You should also write down what exactly do you need from your relationship with sister and mother. like when you say simple interest for them means what? when you say what type of care do you need form here say if your sick she should ask about your health, if your sad she should notice it. be clear so she understands otherwise it is so vague and person will not know how to respond as for each person care means different and way of expressing it is different.


You can initially try communicating to her about your expectation. This will help you to understand what she thinks about it and it gives a person awareness of doing something un-intentionally. It could also be that you have always been the giver so she has accepted it this way thinking it doesn't affect you. in such a case give her sometime to adapt to the needs of yours. But even after communicating that she continues to behave the same then you need to establish the boundaries. you need to decide how much to be given towards that relationship and where, when you need to stop so that you don't hurt yourself. Your well-being should be the first priority


  • You are not responsible for others behaviour and should never blame yourself or shut yourself down. you should stop saying yes for everything if you feel you have reached the threshold of pain. Do what you feel is within your limit for others and stop it after that. Stop saying your sensitive as it is okay to expect from relationship. Relationship is all about give and take.


x_
x_shadow_warrior
33d

Don't feel bad! I think it's crucial to remember that your feelings are completely valid and shouldn't be dismissed as being "too sensitive." Emotional awareness is actually a strength, not a weakness. People who seem indifferent might be dealing with their own emotional limitations. What steps might help you feel more empowered in expressing your needs?

Ad
AdamG99
33d

Family dynamics can sooo be challenging, I know!!


BUT your worth isn't determined by others or even how others treat you. Consider focusing on building strong connections outside your immediate family circle. You deserve to be celebrated and appreciated.


Build a life that brings you joy, independent of others' actions or reactions.


And yeas, personal growth often comes from challenging situations. Sometimes the family we choose can be more supportive than the one we're born into sadly though. Learning to value yourself independently of others' validation is a powerful step forward, I hope you're on that journey already! <3

po
positive_vibes_only
29d

@AdamG99 agree. being emotionally aware is a gift that allows for deeper connections with those who appreciate it

Th
Thought
32d

Sending virtual hugs your way! Sometimes families don't understand the impact of their actions, but that doesn't make those actions any less hurtful. Keep being true to yourself and honor your emotions - they're telling you something important

Em
Emily Play
29d

Standing up for yourself doesn't mean you're being difficult.


It's about honoring your needs and feelings. Your emotions deserve acknowledgment and respect.


Where do you see yourself drawing strength from moving forward?

li
lily_22
29d

Consider this situation an opportunity for personal growth and self-discovery. Everyone deserves to feel valued and appreciated, especially by their loved ones. Focus on nurturing relationships that bring positivity into your life. Remember that self-worth comes from within, not from external validation. Creating boundaries isn't about pushing people away - it's about teaching them how to treat you!

LO
LOSERRR
28d

i get you so much. don't give up

Ra
RachelFrance
26d

Family relationships often require careful navigation and patience. It's important to recognize that while we can't control others' actions, we can control our responses and boundaries.

Taking care of your emotional well-being should be a priority. Sometimes distance can actually strengthen relationships in the long run. Maintaining your authenticity while dealing with family dynamics is crucial. So is setting healthy boundaries What boundaries would you like to establish first?

Lu
Luna_Wolf
23d

Relationships are complex, especially family ones.



They require mutual respect, understanding, and effort from all sides. Learning to advocate for yourself while maintaining healthy boundaries is essential. Sometimes people don't realize their actions' impact until it's clearly communicated. Building confidence in expressing your feelings takes time, but it's worth the journey. Surrounding yourself with supportive people who value and appreciate you can make a significant difference

Sh
SheKnows
14d

My folks are the same way. I feel so damn lonely

Le
Lester Houston
12d

Sometimes the path to healing involves creating distance from situations that drain our energy. Understanding your own worth is the first step toward better relationships. Taking time for self-reflection can help clarify what you truly need from your relationships. You need to build a support network outside of family can provide perspective and emotional sustenance, is that really possible right now?

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