Hello, I have Bipolar Disorder since around 10 years ago. This led me through the years to several mood swings from being so much focused and super productive not even going to toilet, to slow period where my productivity decrease.

Since the last 2 months I started to manifest ADHD symptoms, and my productivity not just decreased, but stopped completely.

Basically I cannot focus on my project not even for 5 minutes. 

I'm spending the days either in bed or on the sofa, walking constantly to the fridge or the kitchen even for just a glass a water. 

My thoughts process goes incredibly fast moving from one thing to another without allowing me to focus. And this lead to procrastination: scrolling on social or spending time on Wikipedia for not usefull things.

And the project is just over there waiting for me to sit there at the laptop and completing it. It's not even that difficult.

But I keep saying to myself: I'll do it after breakfast. Then I'll do it after lunch. Then I'll do it after dinner. Then I'll do it the next morning. And it is a rinse and repeat.

And this make me incredibly anxious and nervous, and it is like a vortex, more I think about it, more I don't do it, more I postpone it, more I get stressed.

And actually I think I know the course of this situation. It's the situation in my family that cause it. I'm not comfortable at home.

So I decided to post it here to see if there is somebody to match. Somebody also with ADHD who is blocked on a project, with the goal to exchange some messages via this forum during the day, to support and motivate each other, to see if while checking on each other we can both move forward with our project.

🙏❤️

Hello! I've been on this journey of trying to understand what's wrong with me for 5 years now. I was diagnosed with depression, then with bipolar disorder, then with avoidant personality disorder and recently my psychiatrist says that we have to shift this paradigm, because bipolar treatment doesn't work whatsoever. He suspects that I might have so called "narcissistic swings" and he says that I have to focus on getting fun social interactions. I tried that, I had fun and now I'm "depressed" again. I hesitate calling that depression, because normal depression treatment doesn't work for me. I've tried many medications and behavioral tactics, but medications most of the time does nothing and when I'm trying to change my behavior that works for 2 months at max, before I again fall onto my bed without a will to do anything for weeks or months. Then I have to start all over again and try more. It doesn't get easier for me, it gets harder, because I am losing my hope.

When my manager asks to explain why am I absent at work for a week nothing comes to my mind. I am absent because I am stupid I guess or lazy, or irresponsible. What is happening, why do I feel as though I can't control myself. I dont know.

i'm 18 yrs old and my parents are disappointed in me that don't earn. these days i 've been constantly thinking about taking my life myself. mom always scolds me for not doing house hold chores she often reminds me that i' m 18 and should do these works but i don't feel like doing anything . i'm a very introverted person i can't tell some one all these things while they are in front of me. i am a ncc cadet i joined because i wanted some exposure. i even got selected for a camp. but got rejected in the middle but my freind was able to get a gold medal .it made me feel worthless as i looked at her walking with pride while holding her medal. i am not able to concentrate on my studies due to pressure from home and college and my disappointments in my self .most of the time ,people don't talk to me sometimes they forget me altogether but i am fine with that but i feel like everyone has got a talent and during ncc, everyone s either good on ground or culturals or studying i feel like i do not belong in there i am fat i have no stamina, as a result i cannot perform as well as others do. always feel like a looser . so from a very young age, i imagined myself as a very popular celebrity to whom every one is looking up at for her great success in her young age . i find myself always day dreaming into the character .that resulted me in pushing my real self far away . now i cannot find what i want or need. i find myself at loss. i don't have a goal in my life i cannot find my passion i like two things music/singing and english. i love singing and always dreamt to become a singer but as i am shy and worried of others comments, i have'nt told to any one. but i tried i once sung at home and to my friends but did not get an appreciative response so i stopped cause i only find solace in my voice i am also fond of dancing i always try but always get degraded so i sing and dance in private hiding it from my own family for years .it s hard .as i said i cannot talk freely . love books it lets me escape the cruel reality of the world even now when i think of dying,i feel sad to leave a collection of my books unread

please help me this is my last resort. am very disappointed ashamed and embaressed of my self

I am not able to focus on my studies more than 20 minutes that's why I never participate in competaive exam because it require lots of focus and attention.but know I felt bad for myself because if I want to succeed in life than I have to prepare for competitive exam.but sitting is very low not just in studies but I am not able to focus in many areas of life .like I face problem in driving.I do not remember the instructions given to me and make silly mistakes.I forget things very easily.and mood swings happen.sometimes I feel very good and after some time I felt depressed.stress and anxiety are persistent in my body for many years .even do not able to take decision whenever I take decision I felt anxiety even sometimes in a very simple deci

Sion .due to that I suffer a lot in my carrier and life .and I think this stress and anxiety create many physical health problem in my life from which I'm suffering even in present times like I have constipation problem from last four years. My physical health is not good I am underweight.and even happiness is gone through my life and I felt anxiety when i interact with people especially in social gatherings like marriage or family function its not like i do not want to interact with people but many a times my anxiety level is so high that i am not able to speak in front of people i face problem in remembering face of peoples whom i met due to that i face lots of embarresment of interacting with people specially in family function. Today I lost all my hopes and I see my feature in dark to get rid of anxiety and stress I did a lot of things such as meditation,yoga,prayer and real holy text baghwat geeta but nothing works even when I tell all these problem to my family they say this all means to escape from hard work.my school was shit and my college life was shit.I always face difficulty in organizing,planning and finish work on time .and I scared what will happen I will do job.since adolescent the problem become more problematic because to lower the stress and anxiety I start watching porn and masturbation. Which impacted my health severely even today I do such things to lower my anxiety.I have constant thoughts running in my mind sexual activity.