My boyfriend behaves very contradictory.... I am sure that we love each other very much, BUT! We also suffer from each other...my suffering is so strong that I sometimes do not want to live....Sometimes we have everything perfect...like in a book...he says the most delightful words, gives me gifts, affectionate and caring, says "I love you more than life...you are perfect...goddess...". I'm just happy. I'm the envy of all my friends. But then, all of a sudden, he becomes a "horror." Why, I don't understand. He says all kinds of mean things to me. He says that if it weren't for him, I'd be "stupid", I'd be gone, that I ruined his whole life and he hates me, "ungrateful" and more bad words that are uncomfortable to write here. It's really painful to listen to. I'm crying. I'm hysterical, I can't eat or sleep. His previous behavior has nothing to do with it. I walk away from him at times like this, stop communicating, and end the relationship. I think I'm done for good. But! In 2 weeks he comes, he is on his knees, says that he is "guilty", that he does not think so, that he does not know what is happening to him...gives expensive gifts and I myself do not have time to realize how we are together again. And I'm a goddess again. And he is pathetic, he justifies himself with bad childhood, that he has not seen normal family relationships, that he "comes on" after the trauma, etc. It's impossible to live like that. I believe and believe again.... and then everything comes back again. If we're good for a couple weeks, it "starts". If I'm happy, he's sure to ruin my mood by saying "gross". Or he just disappears without saying anything. I cry, looking for him, my heart hurts. And when I am completely "done", he shows up as if nothing had happened, kind and loving: "how I missed you" and explains that he was "depressed". When I argue that this is not the way to act, he takes offense, accusing me of criticizing him, not understanding him, and picking on him, exaggerating everything, hurting him. I already think I'm going crazy, I'm doing something wrong...But what? I can't leave him, I realized I depend on our "honeymoon weeks", he is family and close. He tells me "either accept me for who I am or leave". One time I was about to leave and he said, " I thought you loved me for real...but you're using me", after saying that, I couldn't leave. And it all started again.... Each time my psyche got worse. I became weak, depressive, hysterical... My psyche is shaken. And I can't leave...
