I believe that most people wonāt genuinely recognize self-harm scars, and theyāre asking not out of malice or judgement. But I can imagine how you feel about it. Your mental state is more important than any idiotic society rules, so do whatever makes you comfortable. If you prefer hiding your scars or not telling every stranger the truth about them, itās your choice. Itās sweet that your bf doesnāt care about them, but he hasnāt been through it, so perhaps he canāt fully understand what it means to you. Iām sure you know it, but Iāll say it anyway: those scars make you a stronger person ;)
I never hide my scars. Teachers donāt seem to notice, even when I show them off or whatever. I think they donāt pay enough attention to care. Though a couple of times they informed my parents when the bites were too fresh
Please know that you're very much not alone. My scars are old but still visible too. I used to be very sensitive about them, but with years I got tired of it. They happened, theyāre part of my story. I learned to accept myself the way I am. I think youāll benefit from talking to a therapist about your feelings. Just think how much freedom youāll have when you wear your scars proudly, as your victories, which they truly are. You survived those dark days, youāre alive, itās the only thing that matters!
This is definitely up to you whether you want to reveal the truth or feel more at ease making up some story, but please donāt waste years caring about what others think. Body positivity is such a healthy new trend! I wish more people embraced it.
Itās a pity that you have to wear such clothes even in hot weather just to cover the marks from the past. They donāt make you a lesser person! You were very brave to wear a bikini, and I encourage you not to dismiss the possibility of doing it again because of some thick-headed guy or uncivilized strangers. If you tell the truth and someone feels bad about it, itās their problem. Everyone is fighting something. Your fight is a bit more obvious than most.
My wrists and fingers, especially on my left arm, got it pretty badly. The marks are barely visible. Sometimes people ask, but they do it in a friendly way, offering support and compassion. I used to cover them up, but I wanted to let it go, so Iām not lying about it anymore. I hope you are doing fine and that youāll learn to leave your pain in the past, where it belongs.
@Willa Schneider Usually I only tell my closest friends or people Iāve known for a long time.
I lie to everyone else that I fell from a tree, that I scratched my arms on a spiky fence when fallingā¦ People treat me differently when they find out the truth. Especially my colleagues.
@random coffee I just wish there was more awareness and sensitivity around this issue. It's not something that should be casually brought up or prodded at. I'm trying my best to cope and move past my past struggles, and Iād like others to respect that.
@Kris K. How do they treat you differently? Do you mean they begin to act differently towards you, like being more cautious about what they say and do?
I can see how these reminders cause you a great deal of discomfort. You must have suffered a significant amount of psychological and emotional distress during those darker times of your life and the scars that remain are a reminder of what you went through.
One way to reduce the feeling of insecurity you may feel about your scars is to reframe the situation in your mind. Instead of seeing them as symbols of your past self-harm, consider what else they represent about you. For example you could view them as signs of your strength and resilience. You have persevered and continued to live your life despite your past struggles. Your scars are a vivid reminder that you have overcome a great amount of pain and hardship. It takes strength to keep going. Consider how far you've come in your journey toward healing when you look at your scars. By accepting them yourself, it will become easier to stop worrying about what others think. This shift in perspective may take time, but it is worthwhile.
Remember that you're not obligated to explain your scars to anyone, and you don't owe anyone an answer. When you notice people staring or asking you about your scars, you can choose to respond in a calm and neutral manner by giving simple answers like "They're just my scars" or "They're from my past". If someone keeps insisting after you've given them a short answer, you can reiterate your position and set firm boundaries. You could say something like, "I have no interest in talking about this topic" or "I really don't want to discuss this any further". If you notice people giving you a judgemental look or you feel anxious about what they might think, it can be helpful to remind yourself that their reaction is their own responsibility, not yours. All you can do is to keep holding your boundaries and focusing on your own wellbeing. Your own view on this is what matters the most.
It is important to choose whatever approach to your scars feels best for you in the time being. It is very important that you recover and heal then automatically this negativity you feel can be worked through. Till that time do what makes you feel comfortable and do what is right for your emotional well being.
If you chose to reduce the appearance of scars you can use oils and creams. You can also use waterproof concealer if you prefer wearing it next time during swimming.
But only remember this is temporary solution so that you let go and continue to heal. As you process these emotions you will start embracing the scar and this will be important part of healing. scar would then be like a physical reminder of having survived a difficult period in life but to reach this stage will take time so till then continue to do what makes you feel good.