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Kr
Kris K.
1y ago

My scars make me painfully aware of my past self-injuries

Boyfriend convinced me to go to the swimming pool with him in a bikini swimsuit. I havenā€™t done it for many years, and it was painful. As a teenager, I self-harmed a lot, and the scars on my forearm and my right leg never healed completely. They draw attention, even though I tried to make them less visible. I find myself feeling uneasy whenever I have to wear anything that even slightly reveals my scars, especially on the arms, where they canā€™t be for any normal reasons. For years Iā€™ve been wearing hoodies and a long-sleeved swimsuit just because I donā€™t want to deal with explanations. My boyfriend has seen them all many times, and he canā€™t understand whatā€™s so horrible. He told me he likes me with all my imperfections, and I love him for that. But other people ask things like, "Oh, whatā€™s happened to youā€ each time I allow myself to wear a T-shirt in the summer.

The same thing happened this time, of course. We came across my boyfriendā€™s pals in the gym, and one of them stared at my forearm, then made a comment about not knowing we liked it rough. It was so intrusive! My boyfriend laughed in reply, and then spent the next ten minutes being nice to me, as he saw the look on my faceā€¦

I know self-injury is taboo, but Iā€™d prefer people not to stare, especially not to ask stupid questions or make tasteless comments. Most people are probably just curious, but it's a sensitive topic that I'm not comfortable discussing. These scars serve as a constant reminder of the pain I once went through. It's not something I like to dwell on, nor do I want to relive those moments. Iā€™ll have to hide these ugly marks for the rest of my life. That guy might never see me again, but Iā€™ll always remember what he said. And I told my boyfriend I'd never wear a bikini again. I wish people would understand that it's a deeply personal and difficult subject. I'm trying to move forward and heal, but these reminders make it impossible to let go. I wonder if I am the only one caring about my scars so much?

Specialist answer
Anna Salmina
1y
Specialist

I can see how these reminders cause you a great deal of discomfort. You must have suffered a significant amount of psychological and emotional distress during those darker times of your life and the scars that remain are a reminder of what you went through.

One way to reduce the feeling of insecurity you may feel about your scars is to reframe the situation in your mind. Instead of seeing them as symbols of your past self-harm, consider what else they represent about you. For example you could view them as signs of your strength and resilience. You have persevered and continued to live your life despite your past struggles. Your scars are a vivid reminder that you have overcome a great amount of pain and hardship. It takes strength to keep going. Consider how far you've come in your journey toward healing when you look at your scars. By accepting them yourself, it will become easier to stop worrying about what others think. This shift in perspective may take time, but it is worthwhile.

Remember that you're not obligated to explain your scars to anyone, and you don't owe anyone an answer. When you notice people staring or asking you about your scars, you can choose to respond in a calm and neutral manner by giving simple answers like "They're just my scars" or "They're from my past". If someone keeps insisting after you've given them a short answer, you can reiterate your position and set firm boundaries. You could say something like, "I have no interest in talking about this topic" or "I really don't want to discuss this any further". If you notice people giving you a judgemental look or you feel anxious about what they might think, it can be helpful to remind yourself that their reaction is their own responsibility, not yours. All you can do is to keep holding your boundaries and focusing on your own wellbeing. Your own view on this is what matters the most.

Veena Choudhary
1y
Specialist

It is important to choose whatever approach to your scars feels best for you in the time being. It is very important that you recover and heal then automatically this negativity you feel can be worked through. Till that time do what makes you feel comfortable and do what is right for your emotional well being.


If you chose to reduce the appearance of scars you can use oils and creams. You can also use waterproof concealer if you prefer wearing it next time during swimming.


But only remember this is temporary solution so that you let go and continue to heal. As you process these emotions you will start embracing the scar and this will be important part of healing. scar would then be like a physical reminder of having survived a difficult period in life but to reach this stage will take time so till then continue to do what makes you feel good.

FeelYou Team
1y
We understand that you're going through a tough time right now, and we want you to know that we're here to support you. Life can be challenging at times, and we all face difficulties that may seem insurmountable. However, please remember that suicide is never the answer.
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Gr
GreenVixen
1y

I believe that most people wonā€™t genuinely recognize self-harm scars, and theyā€™re asking not out of malice or judgement. But I can imagine how you feel about it. Your mental state is more important than any idiotic society rules, so do whatever makes you comfortable. If you prefer hiding your scars or not telling every stranger the truth about them, itā€™s your choice. Itā€™s sweet that your bf doesnā€™t care about them, but he hasnā€™t been through it, so perhaps he canā€™t fully understand what it means to you. Iā€™m sure you know it, but Iā€™ll say it anyway: those scars make you a stronger person ;)

ty
tyler
1y

I never hide my scars. Teachers donā€™t seem to notice, even when I show them off or whatever. I think they donā€™t pay enough attention to care. Though a couple of times they informed my parents when the bites were too fresh

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bluelagune
1y

Please know that you're very much not alone. My scars are old but still visible too. I used to be very sensitive about them, but with years I got tired of it. They happened, theyā€™re part of my story. I learned to accept myself the way I am. I think youā€™ll benefit from talking to a therapist about your feelings. Just think how much freedom youā€™ll have when you wear your scars proudly, as your victories, which they truly are. You survived those dark days, youā€™re alive, itā€™s the only thing that matters!

ra
random coffee
1y

This is definitely up to you whether you want to reveal the truth or feel more at ease making up some story, but please donā€™t waste years caring about what others think. Body positivity is such a healthy new trend! I wish more people embraced it.

Wi
Willa Schneider
1y

Itā€™s a pity that you have to wear such clothes even in hot weather just to cover the marks from the past. They donā€™t make you a lesser person! You were very brave to wear a bikini, and I encourage you not to dismiss the possibility of doing it again because of some thick-headed guy or uncivilized strangers. If you tell the truth and someone feels bad about it, itā€™s their problem. Everyone is fighting something. Your fight is a bit more obvious than most.

on
onewhiskyfor2
1y

My wrists and fingers, especially on my left arm, got it pretty badly. The marks are barely visible. Sometimes people ask, but they do it in a friendly way, offering support and compassion. I used to cover them up, but I wanted to let it go, so Iā€™m not lying about it anymore. I hope you are doing fine and that youā€™ll learn to leave your pain in the past, where it belongs.

Kr
Kris K.
1y
Author

@Willa Schneider Usually I only tell my closest friends or people Iā€™ve known for a long time.

I lie to everyone else that I fell from a tree, that I scratched my arms on a spiky fence when fallingā€¦ People treat me differently when they find out the truth. Especially my colleagues.

Kr
Kris K.
1y
Author

@random coffee I just wish there was more awareness and sensitivity around this issue. It's not something that should be casually brought up or prodded at. I'm trying my best to cope and move past my past struggles, and Iā€™d like others to respect that.

Wi
Willa Schneider
1y

@Kris K. How do they treat you differently? Do you mean they begin to act differently towards you, like being more cautious about what they say and do?

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