Where do I even begin..

For years I wondered why am I so different,only to find out on my own during a tiktok that hey you might have ADHD combined..I come from a strict religious family where mental health is looked down upon,that if you suffering with anything pray and it will go away.but it's not at a point where that isn't enough.im stuck in a house of toxicity where I'm beginning to feel more and more overwhelmed.at first I just thought it's my personality,until it started spilling into my personal life,that I've been unemployed for so long as my ADHD seems to get worst and worst,I can't go to a doc to get diagnosed as I got helicopter parents and I'm a introvert.they will disown because they feel it is spirits and not a real problem.ive never felt so stuck in my entire life.im always the one they look to for all help,any problem they throw it on me,when I have issues I got no one, because I don't get heard.i get shunned away.that now it's got to a dangerous point.where it's bubbling ,all the emotions.i got no friends,not one,all the friends use me,and when I speak out and set boundaries they leave.i got no other fam, besides my immediate in which they only add and add to my plate.i struggle to find work as my ADHD is at a bad place.i haven't been diagnosed by a doc but I know 99 percent I got it.i can't organize to save my life,I struggle to focus,I can't sit still,I talk alot,I hyperfocus,I struggle to remember or pay attention to people talking or detail.i want out so bad..out of this house ..so I can be alone.just to think and feel and be me,I have no identity away from my parents.they always around,I got no rships in any form because they always in my life making decisions for me.when I try speak up about it,I get guilt tripped or get religious stuff thrown in my face.i am a very loveable and good hearted person but now it's at the point of my mental health,I have even through of suicide.because I feel cornered.i got nobody and nothing,I am very independent but can't find work because of this ADHD.i can't even be on medication because my parents don't believe in that,I tried other pain tabs,cannabis and nothing works.i just want to feel human,I feel like a robot instead,my brain never switches off,I struggle to sleep.i feel like I don't own my life..my parents are my life,I'm 27 and feel 10.they decide it all for me.ive never had people just be there for me in my life they always use me,or take advantage or better yet get close to me to spread gossip and my story to other people.i feel all alone...I'm tired of the arguments in my house,it's taking a toll on me,mentally even physically I've been getting sicker and sicker and they don't even see or shrug it off.im so confused,lost,depressed,in a bad space.i feel trapped in my room.waiting,but waiting for what? When I know no one's coming to my rescue..been currently unemployed I can't even buy stuff, everything is money,so that adds because now my parents pressure me.yet I'm at breaking point mentally,even if I had to start work I'd probably commit suicide or get fired after a day.. because my mental is at such a fragile place.idk how much more I can take till I break...I see others my age,get married,have boyfriends,go out on vacations,go to the mall and I hate myself more and more,I hate social media because it just reminds me of how bad I am in my situation.i never had a easy life,my childhood was worst.and I hate to be a victim or look for sympathy so I've bottled it in for years,and I guess this is the result of years of trauma.now I find comfort in been alone..I just want quiet and peace.but instead I get overwhelmed...I've never fitted in and I didn't have a problem with that when I was younger Until now,when I get shown other people's pics by my mom of what they doing etc.its the same routine everyday,monotonous.that many occasions I don't even want to wake up at all.i just need help or any direction..besides the one I'm in right now.

Having ADHD is so weird and agonizing!! I was diagnosed four weeks ago, and it validated most of my life’s failures. I can’t understand people, I hear them speak, but I can’t grasp complex information, at uni I have to make audio recordings of all lectures so that I can listen to them at home. I’m also really bad with numbers. I can’t do math in my head, and I could never keep up with my peers, who grasp it all so easily. It is called dyscalculia? Or something like that.. I don’t know how I finished school, it was a miracle.. I was the one with “learning issues” in sciences, thank heavens, my English and literature were above average. Even when I’m studying the subjects I like, I can’t focus for more than twenty minutes. It makes me fidgety and nervous, I feel unhealthy, as if my battery is always low. My memory sucks, and I’m not making much progress this year. No matter how much I try to study, I end up scrolling reels or playing games on the phone. I’m so privileged to be where I am, and yet doomed to be the one who fails. I’ll always be crawling to my goals like an inadequate dumbass...

Now that the final exams are looming, I’m so depressed I want just to drop out! I told my dad yesterday, and I thought he’d give me a slap. He’d probably do it if we were alone… My new doctor said we’d try the new type of medication aka stimulants. No idea what it is, I just pray they won’t screw up my brains even more. All the nootropics I’ve been prescribed at school were a total fiasco! I don’t mind taking meds, if they help me stop being a mess. Is it even possible to be an adult with an ADHD diagnosis? I want to study like everyone else, I need my degree. This is so unfair!

ever since the pandemic in 2020 my mental health became even worse. i was sent to a mental hospital two times and i was put on medication. it helped a bit but i was still

depressed. my mom recently got me a new therapist who is very nice and she diagnosed me with inattentive adhd, generalized anxiety disorder, and social anxiety disorder. and i am

gonna get the help that i need. but i still feel depressed. my mental health has been declining, and my hygiene is VERY bad, and my grades are slipping. i try my hardest to get better but it never works. i feel filthy

hi everyone, i'm new here and i really need some advice. i'm f, 18-year-old nd i've been struggling with some stuff from my past. i don't know where else to turn, so i thought i'd try here. when i was little, my parents fought a lot. they would yell and throw things. sometimes i had to hide in my closet to feel safe. i remember feeling so scared and alone. as i got older, things got a bit better, but the memories still haunt me. i have nightmares sometimes and i get really anxious when people raise their voices. i've never really talked about this with anyone before. i guess what i'm asking is, how do you deal with childhood trauma? does it ever get better? i feel like i'm stuck. i recently had a fight with my bf and it brought it all back. is it normal to still be affected by things that happened years ago?