Women's ways of solving problems.
If you think that when I passed the exams and got my license, all my problems were over, you are wrong. Problems arose often, considering that I drove a car every day. My husband, when I passed my driver's license, said, "It's nothing. Try to handle the maintenance of the car. I didn't want you to learn to drive, and I'm not going to take care of your car." Because the driver has to do it himself.
I was offended, of course. Then I got angry and said to myself, "I'll figure it out somehow, I have to prove to him that I can." Besides, what could be the problem?
Pretty soon it turned out that I didn't know how to fill up my car, and I had to go to gas stations with gas station attendants. I didn't know where the button to open the tank was. They helped me at the gas station (I endured the laughter).
I complained to a friend and she said, "Put on a pink dress and pretend to be a silly doll" at gas stations and car repair shops, which is what I always do. I looked at her surprised and incredulous.
What do you mean, stupid? I'm smart. A friend said "it works." So I bought a pink dress (that's a silly women's dress to me) and wore it to go out on the town. "Don't forget the silly look", said the friend, "no glasses. I decided that if I wore bright colors, I'd look sillier.
Pink scarf, stilettos, the look is complete. I was driving and I was afraid that the car would go bad and I wouldn't fix it, my husband used to scare me about it all the time.
And I started to hear whistling after a few days. The thing is that I did not buy a new car, as I was sure that I would definitely crash it. And then the whistle!
I didn't tell my husband (what's the point?), and went to the car service in my pink outfit. With a silly look I said that there was a "whistling" in the car. And the master looked at me with the expression "what can I take from her, she has no mind at all" and started to look at the car.
It turned out that the belt "on the alternator" had dried out and stretched. The foreman was sure of his diagnosis. And reassured me "buy it and we'll install it right away". What do you mean buy? Where and how to choose it?
Enjoying the fact that he clearly surpasses me in knowledge, the master said that there are no belts for my car, but you can pick up a similar one in the store and gave me a belt in my hands. That means I have to buy it without a car, I can't drive.
I mentally wished the master that his wife would give him tights in his hands like that with the wish "buy tights with the same number of dans". And I went to the nearest store. In the store, happiness was waiting for me from the queue of men at the cash register.
Seeing my unhappy pink visage with the belt "on the alternator" in my hands, everyone started to help me. A discussion ensued as to which one to choose for my mini car. I could see that my friend's method was "working".
I began to breathe easier, and I started to play the image of a "silly blonde" more confidently. In the end, the men chose me a universal wrench for the car (I didn't have one), and happily, with a new belt in my hands, I went to the car service. Further shots of the winner: "they change my belt", and "I'm going home with a victory".
I confidently came home and my husband asked "how was your ride?", "what's with the silly dress?". I carelessly said (I wrote down the phrase in advance): "I actually changed the belt on the alternator today.
And this is my new favorite dress
True😞 its just that everything else is fine; but when it come to an argument my bf never takes a step forward to resolve it and always i have to break no contact; he starts to act like he dont care and its easy for him to go no contact cz of the argument…out of nowhere his ego comes between us.. and when i resolve argument by killing my self respect afayer every argument… he gets fineee .. good as hell, give princess treatment and everything and then talk about hus emotions that he didnt want to talk during the argument ect e t butt… my question is if you really love someone and like them you can NOT GOOOOO NO CONTACT. I Feeel so alone 😞 i feel like if i wont go he wont come for me.. always i have tooo go back n say sorry.
Generalizations are harmful, but they often stem from repeated experiences. I've seen the worst of people, and it's made me cynical. Men need to do better, not just for women but for themselves. I've distanced myself from toxic people, regardless of gender. It's not easy, but it's necessary for my own peace of mind. You can't keep waiting for others to change; you need to focus on your own actions and beliefs. I've been there, and I know how frustrating it can be.
I totally understand what you're saying. It sounds like you're really passionate about this issue. I get anxious just thinking about how hard it must be to deal with those feelings. It's important to talk to someone about what you're going through. Maybe there's a therapist or a support group you can talk to. It's important to find a way to manage those emotions, even if it's just in a safe space like writing. You're not alone in this, and it's okay to ask for help
When it comes to the idea of “Not All Men,” it’s crucial for men to understand that when women make general statements, it often comes from a place of hurt and repeated experiences. Instead of getting defensive, we should listen and understand the root of their pain. We can actively show that we’re different by calling out bad behavior when we see it, even if it’s uncomfortable. 🗣️ Men have a responsibility to call out their friends and acquaintances who exhibit predatory behavior. Silence is complicity! If we see a friend making inappropriate comments or actions, we need to step up and say something. This not only helps protect potential victims but also helps educate our peers. Accountability starts with us! 🤝
It's essential to recognize that this problem is deeply rooted in societal norms and cultural expectations that have been perpetuated for generations. Toxic masculinity is not just a buzzword; it’s a pervasive issue that affects how men perceive themselves and their roles in society. This cultural script teaches men to suppress emotions, dominate others, and view empathy and vulnerability as weaknesses
One of the critical aspects that needs addressing is the lack of male role models who actively challenge these toxic norms :( Men who stand up against misogyny, violence, and abuse can create a ripple effect, inspiring others to do the same. But these role models are often few and far between, and when they do exist, they may not receive the visibility and support necessary to influence broader change
Furthermore, the concept of "not all men" serves as a deflection rather than a solution. It shifts the focus from addressing the systemic issues to defending individual reputations. While it’s true that not all men are perpetrators of abuse, the reality is that passive complicity enables the perpetuation of harmful behaviors. Silence and inaction in the face of misogyny are forms of tacit approval
Another point to consider is the intersectionality of these issues. Men from marginalized communities, including men of color, queer men, and men with disabilities, often face multiple layers of discrimination. The toxic behaviors that stem from attempting to conform to traditional masculinity can only make things worse. Addressing toxic masculinity must, therefore, include an intersectional approach that considers these diverse experiences
Your perspective on gender dynamics is powerful and important. I've felt the same frustration with the way men often refuse to hold each other accountable. What helped me was finding a community of like-minded individuals who shared my views and were willing to stand up against toxic behavior. We support each other and work together to create a safer, more inclusive environment. It's okay to feel angry and to demand better. You deserve to be heard, and it's great that to keep fighting for change. 💞
There is a girl in my circle, let’s call her C., who I have known for quite some time now. When we first met, I noticed that she was very wary around me, and it didn't take long for me to realize that it was because I am a man. C. had her guard up, and it was clear that she had been through some difficult experiences that made her cautious around men. At first, I didn't quite understand why she was so guarded, but as we spent more time together, it became clear that she had every reason to be.
C. and I crossed paths often because we were part of the same social circles. At gatherings, she would always keep her distance, preferring to stay close to her female friends. I respected her space and never pushed her to engage more than she was comfortable with. Over time, however, I started to see little glimpses of her personality. She was funny, intelligent, incredibly kind-hearted. I began to understand that her wariness was a result of her trying to protect herself.
One day, we found ourselves working on a group project together. This was the first time we had to interact more closely and I made it a point to be as respectful and understanding as possible. I could see that she was still hesitant, but she started to open up a bit more. We had conversations about the project, and slowly, our discussions began to extend beyond just work. I learned about her interests, her hobbies, her dreams.
As we continued to work together, C. began to share more personal stories. She confided in me about some of the negative experiences she had with men in the past, which explained her initial wariness. Hearing her stories made me realize the depth of the struggles she had faced. It was heartbreaking, but it also gave me a better understanding of why she was the way she was. I felt a deep sense of empathy for her and wanted to be a friend she could trust.
Gradually, C. started to see that I wasn't there to judge her or make her feel uncomfortable. I was just a friend who genuinely cared about her. She began to let her guard down and allowed herself to be more vulnerable around me. It was a slow process, but with each passing day, our bond grew stronger. I am so happy to have her as my friend.
@p4g8pth7hw@privaterelay.appleid.com I'm sorry that you're feeling so alone in your relationship and that you feel like you always have to make the first move to resolve arguments. It's not healthy or fair for you to always have to sacrifice your self-respect to reconcile after an argument. Your partner should be willing to communicate and work through issues with you, rather than shutting down and going no contact until you give in. Relationships are about compromise and working together, not one person always having to give in. It may be worth having a conversation with your boyfriend about how you're feeling and expressing your need for more effort on his part.
Mitchel, I agree with you! It’s important for men to educate themselves about toxic masculinity and its effects. Reading books, attending workshops, engaging in conversations about gender equality can help us unlearn harmful behaviors and beliefs. Knowledge is power, and the more we know, the better we can support those around us. Men need to understand that assault, violence, and abuse can happen to anyone, regardless of gender. It’s essential to create safe spaces where survivors, including men, can share their experiences without fear of judgment. Supporting survivors means listening without interrupting and believing them.
@efrain40110 you are right; we have talked about this but he says he may apologise when he did the mistake. Yet after every argument he gaslight me to think i did the mistake and i owe the apology.
also he is nice when we r not fighting , he would want us to go back to normal and not discuss the period of no contact as soon as we get back, he do not discuss it and want me to not be emotional and just be happy cz we r back again, however i had struggled all that time of no contact while he was fine knowing that i ll get back to
him and things will be alright.