I love my mother, I really do. But, she is never there and we don't even leave together.
With no explanation I went to leave with my aunt when I was 15years. But, basically I have been moved from different households amongst her siblings. Which has left me feeling isolated, different and in a way like I do not belong.
I understand all the work she had to put in, in raising me on her own. How hard and lonely it might had been for her. But, she barricaded herself in work until we lost touch. Making matters worse, I kinda work for her, so the only thing we talk about is work or the different ministers she'd like for me to watch on telly.
I wish that she would love me, hug me and just be a mother to me. I try to hug but she pushes me away. She doesn't even like it when I visit her. Once I visited her and she never even spoke to me. Yet, I keep on trying but every time I visit her I end up feeling worse than I felt before visiting her.
We have lost touch.
She wanted to be a nun before having me, knowing this, makes me feel like I am a mistake. But, I console myself with the fact that God had a plan for me before she conceived me.
I mentioned that I kinda work for her this is due to the fact that I work but don't get paid because she claims that she doesn't have the money to pay me, despite that all the other employees under her get paid.
She also yells at me, discourages me and from I started existing has never cared about what goes on with my life.
But, I still do love her and wish that we would live together.
