Post
Ci
Cindy
1y ago

parents; mother.

I love my mother, I really do. But, she is never there and we don't even leave together.


With no explanation I went to leave with my aunt when I was 15years. But, basically I have been moved from different households amongst her siblings. Which has left me feeling isolated, different and in a way like I do not belong.


I understand all the work she had to put in, in raising me on her own. How hard and lonely it might had been for her. But, she barricaded herself in work until we lost touch. Making matters worse, I kinda work for her, so the only thing we talk about is work or the different ministers she'd like for me to watch on telly.


I wish that she would love me, hug me and just be a mother to me. I try to hug but she pushes me away. She doesn't even like it when I visit her. Once I visited her and she never even spoke to me. Yet, I keep on trying but every time I visit her I end up feeling worse than I felt before visiting her.


We have lost touch.


She wanted to be a nun before having me, knowing this, makes me feel like I am a mistake. But, I console myself with the fact that God had a plan for me before she conceived me.


I mentioned that I kinda work for her this is due to the fact that I work but don't get paid because she claims that she doesn't have the money to pay me, despite that all the other employees under her get paid.


She also yells at me, discourages me and from I started existing has never cared about what goes on with my life.


But, I still do love her and wish that we would live together.

Specialist answer
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LGBTQ+
Edited
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Veena Choudhary
1y
Specialist

Our mother is the introduction to our world. Therefore it makes sense that we tend to feel strong connection to them. You want your relationship with your mom to be simple just love, respect thats it. but our mother's can also have more complex roles in our lives and sometimes our relationship with them hurts.


Try looking from different perspectives and look at situation with your mom objectively. When you say she yells at you, discourages you, doesn't like when you visit her, never cared about what goes on with your life then try seeing how much factual reality is there in these statements before you make a notion.


Did you consider following :


>>> Does she have any health concerns?

>>> Is she working for long hours and feels tired always?

>>> May be she is dealing with her own personal issues and not able to express out. This would make it difficult for her to be emotionally available for her child?

>>> May be she needs a break from work? but there is no one who can give her?


Just consider these points and see if these could be any possible reason for your mom's behaviour towards you. See if it is then how can you deal with it.


  • you could also try finding common ground that allows you to spend some time together with no further interactions. Let go of the expectation. one needs to accept their mom as who she is and strive to connect over mutual interest and activities.


  • if you feel you cant talk to her what you feel. see if you can write in a letter how you feel and what do you expect from her. This will give you clarity to communicate at ease all your feelings rather than speaking directly to her.


  • You need to understand how was your mom upbringing? like what was her background. this will make you understand why does she behave like that or is it thats how she is.


The best way is to get past this is to accept that you cannot change her so just focus on yourself. Do things what you like. sa

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adelayost
1y

It's not an easy life you've got. You've got a lot of ambition. You work with your mother, and she knows you love her. After a while, she'll be able to be more gentle with you. She's just got too many problems right now.

raynor
1y

Try to have a heart-to-heart talk with your mother...she has worked hard to raise you...and is probably very tired...she's not up for romance...maybe you can just write her to read everything you have to say to her.....

clevebarr
1y

Your mom may be pushing you away if you have bad timing or "whining". Try to develop a positive outlook on your life. I think it's not as bad as you think it is

trantow
1y

You're worried that your mom isn't giving you the warmth you deserve, and you wish you could get that from her.... Maybe mom is having a hard time with her situation too.... Try to change your outlook on life, if you look for the bad in everything, everything will be bad.

lynn
1y

Maybe you need to get to know your mother more, maybe you will love her more...or start to evaluate your life differently...Accept what you cannot change....

gailpar
1y

I can't even imagine how bad you're feeling right now. Please accept my support and a helping hand.

Try to forgive your mother and love her as she is, and your relationship will start to improve...maybe she will push you away less...in general, you need to remove the habit of blaming others for your failures or bad moods....

fr
fritschfloy
1y

Believe in the best!!! You're gonna be fine! I'm sure your mom will love you, she's just very busy.....

lesch
1y

Don't worry about having a father like that..... Accept what fate gives you.... Once humility and acceptance sets in, it gets easier.....

delta
1y

It's awful when a mother pushes you away! How can you do that?! How can you stand it

wi
wisokycali
1y

Hi! i don't want you to make the mistake of thinking that your mother doesn't love you...you write that you came to your mother and she didn't hug or talk to you. maybe it was inappropriate based on the specifics of her job...Don't worry. your mother probably loves you...she didn't become a nun for you ....

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