Guys,

hey.. how are you..

dont tell me I KNOW ❤️‍🩹

isn’t this a safe place for all of us ? right

As long as we do not hide here, i used to think that yapping about my unhealed part would heal it, talking about the traumas will make them vanish..😓

but thats not it.

i love how this platform brought about a totally DIFFERENT perspective of life to me in like no time..🌸

everyday i read alot of untold stories written by so emotionally hurt people who may not have said it to anyone otherwise…😢

iits like could feel them, and at this time i realised my problems are not as big as theirs,

theres always a bigger picture to look at isn’t there?

♥️

i mean..

alot of you are not from where i am, totally different people from the globe oh man thats not a small place to live in..

and

i can relate to them?💞

this is nothing but realization of fact that we are not alone in this, we get most hurt when we feel that we r suffering Alone😓..

I want you guys to see the picture like i did, grow beyond your trauma , think beyond your anxiety

as i always say start from small, make this hour your happiest hour ,

a happy hour to a happy day😀

to a happy week😃

to a happy month 😄

&

TO A HAPPY LIFE 😁

we are together in this 🤝🏻💞

God im sorry I did it again, I can't take the pain anymore. God why did I need to see them having a happy life with there new family, what did I do to have this kind treatment, I am an achiever, I am a good daughter, but why they didn't see it? Why this time? It's painful knowing they are happy while I am secretly dying... God I can't take your quest to me anymore, I am fragile, and need a guidance, love, and affection just for once can they give me an assurance that I am not alone because dmn it's hard being alone, all of you left me while im in pain... All of you(family) knows that I am trying my best to get to your standard but I am weak, I can't fight a battle while im still in pain at my past battle. God sorry your child can't do and fight to the battles/task you have given me, you are the only one who knows all of my problems and pain, God I know that I got the thing that I want to get, I am just waiting to your signal until you will get me and bring me at a safe place where negativity is nowhere to be found...

I’ve never been one to wish hurt or harm on others because I wouldn’t want someone wishing it on me. Every day I do my best to exercise kindness and extend grace whenever possible, however much like anything that can be measured on a scale, there’s a limit.

From childhood into adulthood I’ve suffered mental, emotional, physical and verbal abuse at the hands of the woman who birthed me and through that time, I was told to “forgive her” because she’s also traumatised. I was constantly told, “that’s your mother” in response to openly sharing I hate her because of the pain she caused me. And every time, I was gaslit into believing I was wrong for feeling the way I do and that because she’s “family” it’s no big deal.

Her giving me life doesn’t give her the right to be abusive nor does it give her the right to make mine hell because she’s also traumatised. Trauma being understandable doesn’t make mistreatment of others acceptable and you have me several shades of fucked up if you think I’m going to continue tolerating her abuse.

Even with me being in therapy and support workshops, utilising coping mechanisms when I feel overwhelmed and establishing boundaries, there’s no way we could have a parent-child relationship. She’s not going to change and with me trying I better myself that would only hinder my growth. Every day she makes it a point to trigger me and I’m done giving her grace and being understanding.

From the bottom of my heart I hate this woman and I truly hope she dies. She’s not my mother and never will be. Even if she decided to get her shit together no part of me wants to rekindle and maintain a relationship just because of how badly she traumatised me.

Family are supposed to love and support you. Challenge you in productive ways and protect you. They’re supposed to hold you accountable in situations of fault and educate you to be better. Families are supposed to be a support system and safe place but all of my relatives, starting with the woman who birthed me, are from it.

If me wishing death on them is wrong, so be it. Two wrongs don’t make a right but I’m tired of being told to “forgive and forget”, bypass it or not hold them accountable for their shitty behaviour.

i am 26yo, and ive been going through depression for almost 1 year, im blaming myself for anything bad is happening in my life, i couldnt achieve my goals yet and regret many things i did and didnt do, and i hate myself for this, i am mentally consumed, i cutt off my friends everyone and just isolated my self from the world, i want to do alot of things in my life but my inner self just keep telling me that its too late and i cant do this or anything! Instead i just stay at my room everyday not sleeping well or eating well not motivated to do anything, and tired, i been having delusions, and get panic attacks and anxiaty, whenever i think about my future i lost hope and meaning/purpose of life, i didnt seek help from anyone, i used to live alone, but when i graduated i moved back to my parents house, i thought that my family are the ones suppose to help me through anything, the only person i rely on and consider as my safe place is my mom, i dont have a good relation with my dad and i dont rely on him, but my mom is narcissist and kinda toxic, at my lowest i felt abandoned by her she made my mental health even worst since i moved in, i have a hateful sister that she always feel threatend by me for some reason, she always fake her attitude and her treatment so she can appear as the favorite daughter, and to do so she always have to bring me down and cause me problems with my parents and humiliate me infront of people and her friends, so they would hate me and love her more!! Cuz of my depression i became less tolerating and more violant, so she knows how to get on my nerves everytime she is home, and my parents alwyas on her side they just dont care about my mental health or what i am going through they always blame me for anything and i am always the bad person, i grew up in a toxic enviorenement where there is verbal violance and even physical, now i came to the degree that when i am furious i cant control myself what i say or do i just hurt myself to feel relieved and say mean things, iam scared that i would kill myself one day, i even left the house once, and my mom faint and went to hospital cuz she was scared i would do something harmful to myself then i came back home hoping that things will change no matter how much i communicate about everything with her she just keeps bring me down and as long as my sister in my life, she will always make my life miserable, i cant even focus on myself while living in a toxic house, and i cant live alone rn cuz iam currently unemployed, i love my family no matter how they are or how they treat me but iam so tired they ruining my life as it is already falling apart, idk what to do or where to start,i feel alone without any support, Pls praay for me to get my life on track, i really dont want to live the rest of life like this or do something i will regret!!