Everyone talks about the loneliness that comes with being single but never the loneliness that comes with bettering yourself. I’ve been in therapy and support workshops for 2 years, doing self-help exercises and practicing self care for just as long, and so much more. I stopped self-harming, chose sobriety, started eating healthier, keep myself hydrated, picked up boxing, and really began pursuing my passions more adamantly.

Post escaping an abusive relationship and taking legal action against my assailant, it opened my eyes to how unappreciative I was of life and that I took everything for granted because I assumed it would always be there. Near end 2022 whooped my ass, but spending the rest of that year actively seeking professional help for myself was the best choice made because today I’m so grateful for everything, especially the little things.

The only setback is, it’s lonely. I want to better myself, for myself before others, but finding like minded people is difficult. Not everyone is ready to confront their traumas and do the work to heal themselves, and that’s okay, but it makes socialising unbearable. I understand that receiving professional help is also a privilege, but where I’m at in my journey, I only want to associate with others travelling the road to recovery.

I don’t want any relation- or friendship built off trauma bonds or people trauma dumping on each other. I don’t want to be around people who gossip, anyone dealing with extreme insecurities or projection issues, people with victim mentalities or superiority complexes. I just want to find a mutually supportive connection where we can learn from and educate one another. I’d like to befriend someone who’s just as open-minded, knowledge-seeking, courageous and driven.

It sucks because sometimes, there are people who’ll purposefully attempt to sabotage you because they don’t like the light you have. They don’t like that you’re bettering yourself because they lack the courage to better themselves and project that onto to you. I’ve experienced it firsthand and everything in between which really has me cool off socialising and encouraged me to be more career-focused.

I don’t have a problem with being alone; I’m an introvert and prefer to hold space with myself. I also don’t mind feeling isolated half the time. Sometimes it’s been to be alone and isolated, but every now and then I wish I had someone I could call a friend.

Boyfriend convinced me to go to the swimming pool with him in a bikini swimsuit. I haven’t done it for many years, and it was painful. As a teenager, I self-harmed a lot, and the scars on my forearm and my right leg never healed completely. They draw attention, even though I tried to make them less visible. I find myself feeling uneasy whenever I have to wear anything that even slightly reveals my scars, especially on the arms, where they can’t be for any normal reasons. For years I’ve been wearing hoodies and a long-sleeved swimsuit just because I don’t want to deal with explanations. My boyfriend has seen them all many times, and he can’t understand what’s so horrible. He told me he likes me with all my imperfections, and I love him for that. But other people ask things like, "Oh, what’s happened to you” each time I allow myself to wear a T-shirt in the summer.

The same thing happened this time, of course. We came across my boyfriend’s pals in the gym, and one of them stared at my forearm, then made a comment about not knowing we liked it rough. It was so intrusive! My boyfriend laughed in reply, and then spent the next ten minutes being nice to me, as he saw the look on my face…

I know self-injury is taboo, but I’d prefer people not to stare, especially not to ask stupid questions or make tasteless comments. Most people are probably just curious, but it's a sensitive topic that I'm not comfortable discussing. These scars serve as a constant reminder of the pain I once went through. It's not something I like to dwell on, nor do I want to relive those moments. I’ll have to hide these ugly marks for the rest of my life. That guy might never see me again, but I’ll always remember what he said. And I told my boyfriend I'd never wear a bikini again. I wish people would understand that it's a deeply personal and difficult subject. I'm trying to move forward and heal, but these reminders make it impossible to let go. I wonder if I am the only one caring about my scars so much?

I started self-harming at a young age, since then I've learned to disguise it well. It became easy to lie about the scars and bruises, to hide them until they look healed, it's all part of the routine now.

While I also can restrain myself pretty well, I chose continue doing it in moderation after a year streak without selfharm for the reason of me sometimes becoming so emotionally numb only some sharp self-induced physical pain would finally let me cry.

I want someone to know what I've been going through, but I don't want to tell them. Masking my mental health issues became inseparable from my understanding of relationships, can't even imagine having a conversation about it.

I also want you to know that I can't afford therapy, never been there, don't know what it's like. I am well aware that I probably have severe depression and other issues that require medical treatment, but It's pointless without consistent therapy sessions.

Thanks to everyone who read through this, I hope you're doing okay.

A Heartfelt Thank You to the Feel You Community: A Journey of Hope and Transformation

Dear Feel You Community,

As I sit here, pouring my heart out onto this screen, I am overcome with emotions that words alone cannot adequately express. The journey I have traveled in the presence of this remarkable community has been nothing short of transformative. From the depths of despair to a place of hope, from loneliness to a sense of belonging, you have been my guiding light, my pillars of strength, and my unwavering support.

Not too long ago, I found myself in the deepest, darkest corners of my soul. The weight of discovering my true sexual orientation and the subsequent rejection and hostility from my own family had shattered my world. I was lost, drowning in fear, and contemplating an unthinkable end. But then, in my darkest hour, I reached out to this community—a community that would change the trajectory of my life forever.

To each and every one of you who took the time to read my posts, who poured out your hearts in the comments, who shared your own stories of struggle and triumph, I want you to know that you saved me. Your words of encouragement, your empathy, and your unwavering support reached across the digital space and touched the depths of my soul. In that moment, I realized I was not alone. I found solace in your kindness, strength in your understanding, and hope in your shared experiences.

To the visionary minds behind Feel You, I am forever grateful. You have created a platform that goes far beyond the ordinary—a sanctuary where individuals from all walks of life can find solace, understanding, and connection. Through your creation, you have given me a lifeline, a virtual family, and the courage to choose life when all seemed lost. The impact of your vision cannot be understated, for it has saved lives, mended broken spirits, and ignited a spark of change that will forever burn bright.

There is a misconception I would like to address, one that arose from my recent post. Some of you believed that I had left Uganda in search of safety and sanctuary in a foreign land. While relocation was suggested to me by various organizations, including the remarkable Trevor Project, I made the difficult decision to stay. You see, my purpose, my calling, lies within Uganda itself. I want to be a catalyst for lasting change within my own country. I want to stand tall and be a beacon of hope for those who face similar struggles and discrimination. My aim is to make a difference, not only for the LGBTQ+ community, but for anyone who experiences discrimination based on disability, race, politics, religion, gender, or any other factor that sets them apart. It will be an uphill battle, but with the unwavering support of this incredible community, I know we can overcome any obstacles that come our way, step by step.

In the midst of my tumultuous journey, there is one person I must acknowledge—a dear friend who has provided me with a safe haven amidst the storm. Just a few days ago, I mustered the courage to reveal my truth to him. I expected rejection, judgment, and misunderstanding. But instead, something miraculous happened. He listened, truly listened, with an open heart and an open mind. And as he absorbed the comments and stories shared by this community, something shifted within him. He began to understand the depth of my pain, the magnitude of my challenges. This newfound acceptance from someone I thought would never comprehend my experiences has made this one of the most bittersweet moments of my life. I am grateful for his transformation, for his unwavering support, and for reminding me that change is possible, even in the unlikeliest of places.

In my previous post, I neglected to outline how those who are willing to support my cause can help. For those who prefer to contribute through Air Funding, I have included a fundraising link at the bottom of this message. If international transfers like Western Union are more suitable, please kindly email me at hankjayden168@gmail.com for further details. I am also open to any suggestions or advice from the members of my newfound family, for I am a 21-year-old Ugandan who has much to learn. Your guidance and support are invaluable on this journey of ours.

To the organizations I reached out to, including the Trevor Project, Amnesty International, BBC, Al Jazeera, CNN, France 24, International Rescue Committee, and others, I must be honest and say that the support I received did not meet my expectations. While I understand that these organizations have their own boundaries and limitations, it is the Feel You community that has provided me with the comfort, strength, and hope that I needed. You have shown me that true support knows no boundaries and transcends distance.

If I am successful in my ambitions to bring about change through my project, I will not need to hire advisors, for I have found the best advisors within the Feel You community. You have saved my life and helped me discover my purpose. Your wisdom and guidancewill be my compass as I navigate uncharted waters. Together, we can make a difference that resonates far beyond our individual experiences.

Closing my eyes, I can feel the profound impact each of you has had on my life. My biological family may have turned their backs on me, but I have found a new family—the Feel You family. In your invisible presence, your collective love and support radiate through the depths of my being. You have transformed my despair into determination, my hopelessness into a burning desire to create change. With your unwavering support, I will continue to fight for a world that embraces diversity, compassion, and equality.

As I conclude this letter, I want to express my gratitude once again, from the depths of my soul. Thank you for being the light that guided me through my darkest moments. Thank you for reminding me that there is strength in vulnerability, beauty in authenticity, and hope in the face of adversity. Together, we are forging a path towards a brighter future—a future where love triumphs over hate, where acceptance eclipses discrimination, and where every individual can live their truth without fear.

With profound gratitude and an unyielding spirit.