Post
gr
growe907
108d ago

....Social Anxiety....

I am a muslim girl from India studying in engineering college and currently in 2nd year. I have Social Anxiety from years , I am fed up of this and I am posting here since last 2 years and I am in same position from last year's , I have no improvement in my anxiety , I want to attend public speaking classes , but there is no classes here with this. I want to improve myself. I gave exams of 3rd sem , last exam was on 7th dec , after my holidays started , and my college will start from 30th dec , and I am in anxiety from starting of my holidays and my anxiety just increase because we are having our director of the college as our subject teacher , she will teach us one subject from this sem , thinking about this really making me anxious. She is very strict about timings , uniforms etc. I don't wear uniform and wear a burkha and cover my face with a mask because of two reasons that we have to cover ourselves in our religion and due to my anxiety.


I don't have any problem with the first one but now because our director will teach us , she will only allow us with uniform, she said we are only allowed to wear a stole not more than that , not a face mask too , its really making me stressed , anxious and what not. I will not comfortable without the mask because I can hide my expressions, my anxiety. I @m thinking that people will judge my looks , my appearance and I am an fat , overweight girl, I will not look good in the uniform , the uniform we have to wear is shirt and jeans or t shirt. Everyone will make fun of me , and it's not only in my head , may be some of them really make fun of me , I have saw that , the attendance we have to maintained above 75 in a single subject. I cannot bunk my classes too , last time I have avoided my presentation, I have posted that problem too , this time it's more serious, I was thinking that I should leave this but my parents have already paid so much of their money , they will get so dissappoint. I can't do this too because it will spoil my future too and I don't want to play with my future but what can I do. Is there any idea that I can reduce my social anxiety within one week.


How can I attend classes this sem without warring my burkha and a mask, how can I answer the questions if any faculty asked me in front of everyone especially without a mask. I have no confidence in myself. It takes me so much time for me to relax in the class. If any faculty said that we have to explain or etc , my body start to shiver , I get lost in my overthinking zone. I can't speak this to my parents too , they already have so much stress and I don't want to give them another. Please help me to overcome this. There is so much that I am dealing in my life but it will get too long here.

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br
brooks
108d

Don't be too hard on yourself—managing anxiety takes time and patience. It can take years to some. As for me, I still struggle from time to time, and it's been about five years since I started struggling with my anxiety. You can try speaking with your student affairs office about possible accommodations. Maybe they can help find a middle ground?

Vi
Vivy
108d

Having a supportive environment is crucial, and I think it might help to reach out to someone in your college who can help you manage this situation


And you know, most people are focused on themselves and aren't judging you as you might think. I know it's easier to say 'oh it's all in my head' than to actually believe it. Building confidence takes time, and you don't have to all figured out right now. It's a slow process. And actually, social anxiety is more common than you might think, and many people understand what you're going through, even people in your college, believe me!


BTW, your academic success matters more than your appearance, and anyone who judges you based on looks isn't worth your concern. Try to focus on your studies and personal growth rather than others' opinions. Be patient and kind to yourself as you work through this. I believe in you!

je
jeshar.3
108d

I'm honestly so angry at your college for doing this to you! This is completely wrong and unfair. They have no right to ban you from wearing what you're comfortable in, this makes me so mad! Listen, I really think you should talk to your parents about this. I know you mentioned not wanting to stress them out more, but they're your parents, they love you and want what's best for you. They might actually be able to help you deal with this situation better than anyone else

Your college can't just decide to ignore your personal comfort. That's not okay at all! You should be able to wear what makes you comfortable and what aligns with your beliefs

I understand you're dealing with social anxiety, and this situation is making it so much worse. But please know that you have every right to stand up for yourself. Maybe your parents could help you talk to the college administration about this? I wish I could offer more practical help, but what I can tell you is that you're not wrong in feeling this way. Don't let anyone make you feel bad about wanting to dress according to your beliefs and comfort level

Maybe you could write a formal letter to the college explaining your situation? Sometimes putting things in writing helps make your case stronger. You could explain both the religious aspect and how this is affecting your mental health. Remember, standing up for yourself isn't being disrespectful, it's protecting your rights and well-being. You shouldn't have to choose between your education and your religious beliefs or personal comfort

I really hope you find the courage to speak up about this. Start with your parents, they might surprise you with how understanding and helpful they can be. You deserve to feel comfortable and respected while getting your education. Sending you lots of support and strength! ❤️

ru
russell
104d

@jeshar.3 my thoughts exactly

Ta
Tara G.
108d

You can start by sitting at the back of the class, it helps with the anxiety since fewer people can see you. When answering questions, focus on just one friendly face in the room. Don't think about the rest. If your voice shakes, that's normal. Just keep going. Trust me, most students are too busy taking notes to pay attention to how others speak. Focus on your studies, your knowledge, your skills. That's what matters the most right now

M.
M.D
108d

@Tara G. that's some really good practical advice from Tara. those can definitely help manage anxiety in the classroom. and the fact that no one truly cares is true as well. however, i'm honestly enraged that you're being put in this position in the first place. why are educational institutions still trying to control what students wear instead of focusing on actual education? it's ridiculous that in 2024, we're still dealing with these arbitrary dress code restrictions that conflict with religious and personal needs. a university should be about learning and growing, not policing clothing choices


OP, how are you holding up with all of this? i knwo it must be incredibly stressful to deal with both social anxiety and these uniform restrictions at the same time, but please hold on in there. hope is always there, always ❤️‍🩹

Ta
Tania
108d

Sister, as a Muslim woman myself, the uniform situation is tricky but manageable. Talk to your director about modest alternatives that comply with both religious and college requirements. Many institutions are open to reasonable accommodations. The anxiety will ease with time as you adjust to the new normal. Focus on your studies, you're there to become an engineer. This temporary discomfort is part of your journey toward something greater. You are stronger than you think and have a bright future ahead inshallah. Take it one day at a time, the whole thing might be challenging, but it's shaping you into someone extraordinary

wi
williamerickson35.1972
108d

Start recording yourself speaking at home. Watch how you present. Sit near supportive classmates. Prepare extra well for classes you're nervous about. Remember that making mistakes is normal, even the most confident students do. Focus on the material rather than your appearance. Your classmates might be dealing with their own anxieties too


Your technical skills matter more than anything else. The fact that you're worried about these things shows you care about your education. That's actually a strength. Remember that you earned your place in this program. Your parents believe in your capabilities. The anxiety feels overwhelming now, but it won't always be this intense


When you answer questions in class, focus on the content, not the delivery. If you make a mistake, correct it and move on. Most people are too focused on their own performance to judge yours. The next few weeks can be challenging, but they're also an opportunity to develop professional skills. You've got this, friend!

It
Itzel
108d

I used to get extremely nervous about presentations. Something that helped me was arriving early to class to get comfortable with the environment. What specific aspect of the classroom environment makes you feel most uncomfortable? And how do you think you can fix it?

sb
sbennett2017
108d

I haven't really experienced social anxiety myself, but my sister struggled a lot with similar challenges during her school and college years, and I've seen how hard it is on her. I'm really really sorry you have to go through all of that. My sister actually found breathing exercises incredibly helpful for managing her anxiety. Slowly breath in and breath out. Repeat as many times as necessary, all the while you can say some positive affirmations over and over again in your head to help calm yourself down

Kr
Kris
107d

Try sitting near the front of the class. I know it sounds scary, but it actually helps because you won't see all the other students, and it shows the teacher you're interested in learning. This might make you feel more confident when answering questions. Also, please remember that everyone has different body types, and that's completely okay. Focus on how the uniform feels comfortable rather than how it looks. If you're worried about the t-shirt option, you could choose a looser-fitting shirt that makes you feel more comfortable. I know it feels impossible to change everything at once, so don't pressure yourself to be perfect. Today you can just try raising your hand once in class, even if you dn't get called on. Tomorrow, maybe you'll try answering one simple question. Good luck, there's nothing that you can't do! 🙌🫂

Gr
Grace
107d

So I was bullied a lot because of my weight in school. Kids can be really mean. I used to hide in the bathroom during lunch breaks because I didn't want anyone to see me eating. I know exactly how it feels when you think everyone is looking at you and judging you. I was the heaviest girl in my class, and people would make fun of how I looked in my school uniform. It was really hard, and I used to cry almost every night. I also tried to skip classes, especially PE, because I felt so uncomfortable. Later in my life, I started talking to a counselor at my college, and she helped me understand that most people are actually too busy thinking about themselves to judge others. I also found two really good friends who accepted me for who I was, and that made such a big difference


I still struggle sometimes, but I've learned that my weight doesn't define who I am. I'm smart, I'm kind, and I care about others, these things matter way more than how I look. I started focusing on my studies and found that when I did well in class, it gave me confidence that had nothing to do with my appearance

You mentioned you're dealing with other stuff too. If you want to talk about it, I'm here to listen. What's on your mind?

AN
ANGELAA
105d

@Grace Hi, just wanted to say thank you. I went through the same thing. It's so nice to see someone who made it through this and came out stronger. You're so right about people being too busy with their own stuff to judge us. I still have my off days, but they're getting less and less. Thank you for sharing your story, it means a lot to those of us who are still working through it <3

AN
ANGELAA
104d

@Grace Well, looking back feels so weird at times. Now I can actually go out to restaurants with friends and not worry about everyone watching me eat! It's crazy how things change. And I am proud of myself. BUT I did not overcome everything everything, just the tip of the iceberg I think, but it's already so freeing. And sometimes I still catch myself thinking those old thoughts, seeing those old patterns within me, but now I know how to handle them much better. You know what's funny? I actually helped my younger cousin through similar stuff recently, and it felt so good to be able to support someone else. It's like a full circle

Gr
Grace
104d

@ANGELAA thank you so much for your kind words! It really means the world to know that my story resonated with someone. How are you doing these days? I totally get what you mean about those off days, they still pop up sometimes, but it's amazing how much better things can get. It's like a whole different life rn. Do you ever look back and feel proud of how far you've come?

Gr
Grace
104d

@ANGELAA Look at you go! That's so beautiful! It's like a ripple effect, isn't it? We get through our tough times and then we can help others do the same. I love that you're helping your cousin, that must feel so rewarding! I think back to my worst days and wish I could tell my younger self that it would all work out okay. Do you ever feel like that?

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