When you enter a spiritual program of recovery (ie sobriety, therapy, etc) it becomes increasingly easier to discern who hates themselves just by observing the way in which they interact with others, how they navigate conflict or how they speak. Recent statistics show that loneliness, depression and anxiety among the upcoming generation is at an all time and I can’t help but blame the unhealthy expectations society has surrounding relationships and what “self love” is.
Self love is more than physical acts of self care. Self love CAN be treating yourself to a pedicure, because it’s an act that feels good and is taking care of your body (in a way), but what about your mental and emotional health? Loving yourself entails so much more than spa days. It’s recognising your mental and emotional capacity to engage in certain things, it’s listening to your body and taking breaks when needed. It’s setting boundaries and asserting them if crossed. It’s giving yourself grace in moments you can’t remain grounded and understanding you’re a work in progress.
Social media has created the misconception that if you’re not spending stupendous amounts of money on physical acts of self care then it’s not self love, which is WRONG. Self love looks different for everyone but I know the general concept is to pour back into yourself.
For myself personally, self love is just that. Loving my mind, body, heart and soul. It’s keeping myself hydrated and getting 8hrs of rest every night. It’s walking away from anything that doesn’t have my best interest and being protective of my energy. It’s being kind to myself and others as I navigate life’s challenges. Acts of self care contribute to the love I have for myself, and they’re done through frugal means because I don’t feel the need to live outside my means.
A lot of this generation is obsessed with the idea of LOOKING rich in wealth when the REAL wealth is being mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually prosperous. By NO means is it easy to achieve when living in a materialistic world, but every day is a good day to start unlearning a lot of the misinformation we had instilled in us.
Everyone wants to experience a healthy relationship but refuse to do the work to achieve it. It’s challenging, it’s uncomfortable, and everything in between, but if you want better then you have to work toward becoming better. Resources are available and should be utilised if made accessible.
With me being a year almost 2 into therapy and support workshops, I’ve made notable exponential progress and I’m proud of myself for it. I understand everyone’s circumstances are differences and mine can’t account for theirs, but it’s about willpower and discipline. The support groups and other professional resources I’m receiving have helped make navigating tribulations easier, and developing better discernment, it’s protected me from universe knows what.
Being a knowledge-seeker and actively taking the time to unlearn a lot of the toxic things I was either taught, have done, or spewed puts me a step closer to being the version of myself I strive to become and I love it, but I hate how society continues to feed the upcoming generation bullshit that’s negatively impacting them.
It’s wonderful to hear how much progress you’ve made. You are absolutely right that self-love is not just about treating yourself to a pedicure or a spa day, but rather includes caring for your physical, emotional, and mental health. It’s also worth noting that self-love is not about becoming perfect, but rather about recognizing and embracing your imperfections. It’s unfortunate that society often feeds us false images of success and happiness, which can lead to unrealistic expectations and disappointment. I know, it happened to me but now I'm much healthier when I was so fed with this unrealistic standards..
I wholeheartedly agree with you. The modern conception of self-love has indeed been overly commercialized, reducing it to mere acts of physical self-care that often costs a lot A LOT. True self-love involves understanding and respecting your own boundaries, recognizing when you need a break, and allowing yourself the grace to be yourself fully and proudly. The societal pressure to appear wealthy and successful can be incredibly damaging, particularly to the younger generation. This mindset can lead to a lot of issues, anxiety, depression, loneliness, as people strive to meet unrealistic standards and neglect their true needs.
Yes! Self-love go beyond just physical acts of self-care and extend to taking care of one's mental, emotional, and spiritual health. The concept of self-love has become distorted in today's society, especially through social media, leading to misplaced priorities and unhealthy expectations. The real wealth is indeed in mental, emotional, spiritual prosperity, and I'm glad you're working on it through therapy and support workshops. It's wonderful to see how your progress and efforts have made a positive impact on your life! Keeps me going, honestly.
I envy you so much..I wake up every morning feeling empty. I look in the mirror and see a face I don't like. I wish I could change it. I see people who look like they’re enjoying themselves. I don't know how they do it. I feel jealous. They have something I can't find. I try to make myself feel better. I tell myself nice things, but it doesn't help. I feel like a liar. I want to believe the nice things, but I can't. I think about all the times people hurt me or when I hurt myself. Sometimes, I wonder if I'll ever learn to love myself. I see people who have, and I feel even worse. They make it look so easy. I spend my days pretending. I smile when I don't mean it. I laugh when I'm not happy. I don't want people to know how I feel. I'm afraid they'll think less of me. I already think less of myself. I don't need others to do the same. Just the simple things that are considered self-care or self-love are very difficult for me to do. I don’t spend money on myself because I just think that I’m not worthy enough. Well, sorry for yapping, just thought about all that..
I love this post a lot. It's important to remember that we are all a work in progress and we don't have to have all the answers or be perfect at self-love, it's a learning process that we can all strive towards. If we ever feel like we're struggling, we shouldn't be afraid to reach out for help from a therapist, or a friend or loved one, and we should remember that progress doesn't always have to be linear. As you highlighted, resources such as therapy can be incredibly helpful in our journey of self-discovery and growth, and it's important to take advantage of them if we have the means to do so. Thanks for the post, honestly! Sometimes I keep forgetting the simple truths :)
From the perspective of someone who practices meditation and has embraced elements of Buddhist philosophy into their life, I would like to offer some advice that may further enrich your path. First and foremost, understand that life is a series of moments, each unique and transient. Buddhism teaches us the concept of impermanence (anicca), which reminds us that everything is in a constant state of flux. By embracing this, we can learn to let go of our attachment to temporary pleasures and pains, and find a deeper sense of peace within ourselves.
Meditation is a powerful tool that can help us cultivate mindfulness and presence. Through regular practice, we can develop a heightened awareness of our thoughts, emotions, physical sensations. This mindfulness allows us to respond to life's challenges with greater clarity and calmness, rather than reacting impulsively.
Self-love, as you rightly pointed out, is not just about physical acts of care. It's about nurturing our mental. In Buddhism, the concept of metta, or loving-kindness, is central. This involves extending compassion and kindness to ourselves and others. Practicing metta meditation can help cultivate a heart full of love and empathy, which can transform our interactions with others and how we view ourselves.
Setting boundaries, as you mentioned, is crucial. It's a form of self-respect and self-care. In Buddhist practice, this can be related to the concept of right action (samma kammanta), which is part of the Noble Eightfold Path. Right action involves behaving ethically and responsibly, which includes taking care of our own well-being and not letting others overstep our boundaries.
In your journey, it’s also important to practice non-judgment. We often judge ourselves harshly, which can hinder our growth. Buddhism encourages us to observe our thoughts and actions without judgment. This non-judgmental awareness can foster a deeper sense of self-acceptance.
@Orlando I've seen a lot of comments from you about Buddhist philosophy, could you please expand on that lil bit? I would really like to know more. You know, maybe life will get easier, who knows?
To the OP: I agree with every single word. I am still learning how to love myself but now I'm more hopeful about the future than ever before. It's crazy to me because just a few months ago I was in a very very dark place. Turns out, everything in life is possible, especially when you have respect for yourself,
As for society feeding the upcoming generation misinformation, it is up to each individual to take responsibility for their own thoughts and actions and seek out accurate and positive information. With the growth of the Internet, there are countless sources of information available, both accurate and false. It is vital for everyone to develop their critical thinking skills to be able to sift through that information and make wise decisions. This is a learned skill and takes practice. The more effort you put into your self-development, the better you will be able to navigate challenges in your life, whether it's in forming meaningful relationships or managing your emotions. I encourage everyone to take time every day to learn something new and be curious about the world around them.
It sounds like you are on a journey of self-discovery and personal growth, and that is a great thing! It takes a lot of effort and discipline to actively seek out professional support and resources to help you navigate life's challenges and become a better version of yourself. I'm so-so proud of you!
You're absolutely right - a healthy relationship is not something that comes easily, it takes work and effort from both sides. It's important to recognize that there will be challenges and uncomfortable moments, but with the right resources and mindset, those challenges can be overcome. There are a number of books, podcasts that can provide guidance on how to improve communication, establish boundaries, and build a strong connection with your partner. And I wanna say that it's not just about finding the right partner (which we are so obsessed over this idea), but also about being the right partner.