After a verbal altercation that nearly escalated to physical confrontation between me and one of my abusers, I’m facing the threat of homelessness. My abuser was “kind” enough to put a timeframe on when they intend to vacate me but my goal is to get away at my earliest convenience.
What makes navigating tricky is that the abuser in question is a relative, more specifically the woman who birthed me. From the age of 8 I’ve despised this woman and my disdain continues to grow for everything she put me through. And despite actively receiving professional help through therapy and other support resources, I have no intention of maintaining contact with her. I’m estranged from all of my relatives because they’re hateful, ignorant and overall toxic.
It’s because I grew up in the environment I did and seeing how the people surrounding me behaved I promised myself I’d be different. I said I’d break the cycle and meant it. And while I’m discontinuing generational curses, what comes with it is being the “black sheep”, but I’m okay with that. No part of me wants to rekindle anything with my relatives. I’ve already done enough soul-searching to know the second I’m able to go no contact, I’m leaping to take it.
If the worst case scenario comes to fruition, I want it known I gave it my all. Through evading abusive relatives, chronic health complications, recurring sexual assault, being stalked and domestic violence, I put my heart, being and spirit into everything I’ve done and regret nothing. I’ve always welcomed adversity that promotes growth and grinned in the face of uncertainty. My determination is unwavering because I know I’m the only person who has the power to change my circumstances. At this moment I feel lonely, isolated and overwhelmed without anyone outside my therapist and workshop I can safely confide in, but I’m also transforming this sadness into motivation because allowing grief to debilitate me won’t help.
Today, I woke up feeling refreshed after an 8hr rest. I took 15 minutes to clean my space, showered, and then cooked myself breakfast. I gradually worked through my self care routine and followed up with resources I researched and was referred. Before I left out for an interview, I made a card for a stranger. It was a blank card with floral patterns on the front. I wrote words of encouragement and sealed it in a small envelope I decorated with hearts and gemstones. I tried to give it to a woman, asking if she’d like a gift but she rudely declined, only for a homeless woman to offer acceptance. It made me happy because I felt dejected for a moment. Me and the woman briefly spoke and when she shared her situation, it instantly made me think of how anyone could easily be in her shoes. I thanked her for making my day but she walked away before I could offer to buy her food and water with whatever food stamps I’ve got left.
I’m grateful for that interaction because it really goes to show how many of us take little things for granted and don’t show as much empathy as we should for one another. I hope Ms. F. got to where she needed to go safely. Any time I face hardships, they remind me to be kinder. To myself and others, and extend grace wherever needed. I don’t know what these next few weeks will look like for me but I’m doing my best to navigate. All I ask is that anyone reading this please remember to exercise kindness, to anyone and everyone. You never know who’s day you’re making.
Fortune telling is a cognitive distortion in which you predict a negative outcome without realistically considering the actual odds of that outcome. We all can predict future to certain extent like example if we drink expired or foul milk what will happen? off course we will be sick. That is way of predicting the future. When we say things are turning bad or it will turn bad it is just assumption than a well thought or an educated guess.
Now when you say moment you got the candle it got worse :
>>> what worse happened?
>>> was situation different at house before you got candle?
>>> how did it change once you got it?
>>> were there no problems before getting candle? off course it was there, like u said you did fight with your husband before getting candles as well. you went to fortune teller because things were worst , then how did the scenario change. its still the same worse. Always check whatever thoughts you have if its valid, real ,factual or is it just assumption. need to validate all your facts.
>>> What evidence do you have to support this thought? Based on this evidence have you change completely or you are still behaving the same like initially but you did not notice or pay heed to this behaviour before.
>>> What evidence do i have against this thought? write down what you do entire day. note down intricate detail of what you do. then observe are you really doing crazy stuff or are you really going crazy or its just overthinking about the fortune teller words.
>>> practise mindless techniques like 5,4,3,2,1 technique to distract yourself from such thoughts. sit down and relax. close your eyes and breathe inhale through nose and exhale through mouth. Then write 5 things you see around you, 4 things you can touch around you, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell and 1 things you can taste.
>>> Try 4 step pause technique where you sit down at one place. close your eyes and listen to all sounds around you. Try to pay attention to each individual sound and let them come and go from your awareness. notice your body. Feel your feet on floor, hands resting on lap. take some deep breathe in your belly. This is best way to calm your self down and tell that you are safe and create some space in your mind to think clearly. Ask yourself now what should i do next to look after myself?
i hope these techniques help but kindly do meet a therapist as well.