Hey everyone, I'm really in need of some advice. I've been with my husband for 8 years, 5 years of marriage and 3 years living together before that. We have a wonderful 6-year-old boy who just started first grade this year.

I've been feeling on edge for the past 2 years. My husband and I can't seem to understand each other. Our life goals are different, we don't agree on how to raise our son or manage the household. His jealousy has become unbearable, directed towards everyone (our friends, my colleagues, even our son)

I guess it all started after I gave birth. I fully focused on motherhood and other aspects of our relationship, especially the intimate part, didn't get much attention. This created a lot of tension between us. We've both said and done things we're not proud of.

His treatment towards me, as a woman, just doesn't sit right with me. I want to be cherished, admired. But all I hear from him are constant reproaches. It's gotten to the point where he perceives every little thing I do as betrayal. A phone call with a colleague, chatting with friends, self-care routines, new clothes, perfume, even a simple smile - all are seen as signs of infidelity. If I go to a party, he automatically assumes I'm cheating. I won't deny that I attract attention from men, but most of the time, it's just polite small talk.

This constant distrust has left me exhausted. The conflicts escalated so much that winter, our son actually asked me to leave because he couldn't bear to see us argue or me cry anymore. I've been living with my father. My son is much happier now, we've even transferred him to another school which he really likes.

I was ready to file for divorce, but then some of our mutual friends started persuading me to reconsider. They keep saying my husband loves me in his own way and that I should be patient and understanding of his complex character. They said he's already realized his mistakes and is willing to change. They believe that divorce should be the last resort.

Right now, I'm at a loss. While I agree that a complete family is better for our child, I also believe that a constantly fighting environment is not healthy either. So, what do I do?

Hello, hi, it’s me.

The waves of suicidal thoughts crash against my consciousness again. I’ve written about it sooo many times.. whoever said writing helps is fooling the world! Write or no write it's just there.. My recurring suicidal thoughts appear every now and then I’d say out of nowhere. It never seems any easier to come to terms with them and watch them pass. I’ve never gotten to the stage of actually making any real plans but the thought becomes ever more appealing each time these waves happen. I know the only remedy is to find the strength IRL, some meaningful stuff etcetera… To me it seems as time passes that I find only the opposite, that life is not worthwhile. It's as if a relentless tide is pulling me deeper and deeper into the abyss of despair.

Mind you, I’m not whining. I’ve been reading a lot about Stoicism and kind of think I’m an adept. In the past I used drastic measures to cope with my waves of depression… That’s forbidden topic. I’m over it anyways. However, life does not improve despite all my humble attempts to become someone significant, someone who overcame the all-consuming thoughts of living a life that doesn’t matter.

I remember a dream… please don’t laugh even though I find it queer myself… I had this dream a long time ago when I had my first depressive episodes... where my depression took the form of a massive, menacing giant squid living in the depths of a dark lake. Its tentacles wrapped around me suffocating me with their icy grip, dragging me down into the cold depths of water. I tend to believe my subconscious, so I thought for a long time what my mind is trying to tell me. And I think the only way to get rid of this monster is to let all water run dry. I can not fight it, it’s too strong. That dream feels all too real now. I wish I could find a way to banish this giant squid from my mind. What do the people here advise? (except meds, I don’t take those…)

Have you ever wanted something that you know money could never ever buy? I do and it’s something that I want for Christmas more than anything. It’s the freedom to love the life I want to live. I’ve lived with my parents all my life. My boyfriend wants me to move with him and his parents to North Carolina. 10 hours away from my family and the friends and community I have found in the past several months. I don’t want that and I feel terrible. I’ve never gotten the chance to live independently and I want to know what it feels like. To be able to have a group of friends that I could call my second family. Not that I don’t love my biological family because I do I just wish I could have a second one and have the freedom to live the life that I want to live. I just wish I knew how to get it how do you get something that you know money could never ever buy?

I know work problems are extremely common in people with bipolar disorder and I am no exception. One day I excel, the next day…yikes. I currently work for my best friend, it has been a blessing in many ways because he understands my needs and where I’m coming from. The problem is, I’ve gotten too comfortable with his understanding. When I’m having an off day, I take more breaks than I would if I worked for anyone else. Because…you know. He understands.

I’m starting to feel guilty because I worry that I’m taking advantage of his kindness. At the same time, there are days I would be genuinely unemployed through no true fault of my own, if he were anyone else…which often makes me feel even worse! He deserves someone reliable to support his business, instead he has me. And he won’t fire me, I’ll have to choose to leave if things get bad enough.

I can see his stress is building. Some days are so bad that not only am I not helping him, I’m also holding him back because he feels responsible for helping me through whatever I’m going through (you can see why he’s my best friend). He’s doing his own work (which consists of a full time day job plus our startup tech company), my work, and supporting me emotionally. It’s too much for one person which is partly why I’m here, to lesson his emotional burden at least.

When I think of leaving and getting another job, something more routine and where I could get fired if I don’t do my work, I freeze up. I’m a single parent of three kids. I live with my parents who help watch them, but it’s still a lot more responsibility for me as a parent than it would be if I were still married. I’ve spent most of their lives working, and missed out on a lot. With my friend, I get to work from home most days and can spend time with them. So here there’s a threefold problem, one of being terrified of getting a new job, and one of not wanting to lose the time with my kids, and one of being in a position where I get fired.

I just want to know how I can eliminate my habit of taking a mile when I’ve been given an inch. In a way I can continue to blame my disorder because impulse control is a known weakness in people like myself, but I don’t want to. I have enough awareness on those days to know I’m doing wrong, and I’m screwing myself out of the opportunity to take time off when I’m actually falling apart—because although he won’t fire me, there is still a limit to his patience.

I’m tired of feeling guilty. I’m the last person on earth you would ever expect to take advantage of a good situation, yet here I am.