This sadness will last forever

"This sadness will last forever." Am not sure who said that but I think it was Van Gogh . I think that's the most truthful thing anyone has ever said . Somedays your fine then other days you feel like this feeling is everlasting ,and I guess today is one of those days , only that 'today' has been going on for weeks maybe months or years. The thing is I stopped believing in "it's going to be okay" happiness become to much to ask for, now just fine would be okay . I know this may sound f**ked up but I think I'll be okay with going to sleep today and not wake up tomorrow that sounds lovely honestly, no awareness no feelings just oblivion. I wish I didn't understand futility of the arrangements for life . Here's the part I tell myself that I just need to go one day at a time and one day everything is going to be ok but I have been going one day at a time for the last 20 + years hoping and doing everything I can so that one day I'll be okay am trying to make that world for me and for everyone else for may be feeling this way . That's the only thing I have to hold on to . Van Gogh did that in his paintings made the world he wanted to live In even though he was tormented in his existence . Maybe tonight is the night.