to be honest i don't have one i just want to rant out whatever i am feeling.

I am 25 years old, still figuring out how to satisfy everyone around me. I sometimes feel why was i even born i am just an extra burden for the earth's population and for my parents. My parents have high expectations for me as they want me to get a govt job and they're highly against the private job. I've trying for like 3 years now i still haven't cleared one. I did cleared pre for 2-3 exams but never cleared the mains. I've this acquaintance from school who's father keeps calling to my father sharing his children's jobs and achievements (his both children became govt teachers) although my father didn't said anything directly but i heard my parents conversations and they are so disappointed with me. I've been trying really hard for all these years but i don't know where I'm lacking or what I'm lacking. And the other people keep nudging my parents about me getting a job. Also my other relatives like my uncles and aunts keep suggesting unnecessary things to my parents like when i asked my parents to let me go somewhere else to join a coaching and prepare. My so called relatives told that it's not safe out there although there own kids are living in a big cities. I've been iving in this overprotective environment for all these years and i really don't want to live like this anymore. I once tried talking to my paa but things got heated and i got slapped twice after that i can't even share anything with them. All my friends have gotten a job somewhere so whenever i tell them something they just don't understand and say things like get a job and they'll be fine (I once got a job in a private company so I'm not a slacker). I don't know who to share all this i keep hearing everyone's opinion and criticism and i can't even get mad at them as it is disrespectful. All this made me extremely anxious and demotivated. Nowadays i feel like an zoo animal trapped in a cage. I am extremely terrified of pain so can't even die as death is really painful. I Don't have anyone to talk to and to share all this or get a little support from them. I know my parents are disappointed in me and i don't want to be like this. I'm sorry if i acted like a brat here.

Thankyou for reading my thoughts, maybe you are the only people I'm sharing all this as i won't be able to say this to anyone.