This is honestly stupid and immature, but I just want to put this out somewhere and forget about it. Pretty much for a long time I felt like I'm not really valued as much to my best friend as what I thought. I know I AM loved and cared for in some way or another, don't get me wrong. It's just I feel like I'm more of a substitute friend. She has other closer friends than me which isn't a problem to be honest, but she makes it really obvious by posting them constantly on her stories, whether it be screenshots of their chats laughing together and having inside jokes, recordings of their calls, tagging each other in posts etc etc. She's never done that when it comes to me, but she does it with her two other friends. They interact a lot through tiktok, and I see her commenting on her friend's post saying "my no.1 best friend" etc etc. I didn't think too much of it but then I realised she's always avoided calling me her best friend. I remember one time I stayed up until 1-2 am waiting for her to be "free to call" since I wanted to just talk to her after a long day but she said she couldn't call right now. But then her other friend asked to call her and she spent the whole night calling them instead so I just gave up and went to sleep. The next morning I woke up to her tiktok story and it's her posting her call with her friend and having fun. I didn't say anything because it just felt rude and immature and left it at that. She and her friend have this talking streak which they message each other everyday and they've both stuck to it, but I always get left on read or she can go on without talking to me for days or weeks or more. She also has people in her profile bio that are mentioned, I'm there too but I'm named last. I'm happy enough I'm being mentioned in her bio anyway tbh so it's not that big of a deal.
Recently I turned 17, and I remember telling her about my birthday. I didn't really want to make too much of it, but I was excited that she could be able to celebrate it with me since I never really had my birthday celebrated before due to my family background, or that people have just forgotten. She had her birthday on the same month as mine so I prepared to make her a drawing as a gift, which I spent a lot of time and effort on. I waited on that day of my birthday, but she never spoke to me. She never said happy birthday or anything. Instead I saw her story that said her friend's post was "1 year old today" so she and her friend were messaging back and forth celebrating the post's birthday or something. I just realised she valued a digital post's birthday more than mine, so I dropped a hint on my story that I turned 17. She replied to my story saying "oh I forgot" but didn't even bother to say happy birthday even so despite realising it was today. So I don't know. I should've probably expected this anyway, I don't really care. She just meant so much to me and it honestly hurts I'm probably not valued as much as I thought I was and that I'm always the second choice. But anyways yeah, cheers ✨
